Captain America Pranks Comic Fans with Surprise Escape Room // Omaze

Captain America Pranks Comic Fans with Surprise Escape Room // Omaze


A superhero. Hey, you two! This is Captain America here, and I need your help. Are you up for the challenge? No! Well, wait– [laughter] Hi, Chris Evans here. To support Christopher’s Haven, I’m teaming up with Omaze to offer you the chance to assemble a team of your best friends for the ultimate escape room experience. Escape rooms are these immersive games where you and your buddies have to solve puzzles to complete a mission before the time runs out. And to show you how much fun these rooms can be, I decided to take over Comicazi. We’re here in Boston, and we built our own with the help of Trapology. Now the only difference between my escape room and the one we’ll be doing together, is that my participants don’t know they’re actually in one. Yet. Let’s see how this goes. Psst! Hey, you two. In the blue jacket and purple scarf. That’s kinda weird. Oh, there’s a– Uh, excuse me! [laughter] Maybe a little more gentle next time. Oh, what the heck? I love that guy. I need your help. Are you up for the challenge? Yeah, dude. Sure. Well, great. So this may look like a standard comic book store, but it’s actually a secret Hydra base. And I need your help to take it down. I need you to look around the room for a code. A four digit code. And time is of the essence. A four digit code… Four digit code… [laughter] Look for even the most subtle detail. The most subtle detail. What? Subtle detail? Is the sign up? It’s huge! [laughter] Bring me with you. Bring me with you! We got you, man. [laughter] The clock is definitely tickin’, fellas. The clock. The clock is literally ticking. Oh, ****! Is there a clock? Is he looking right at it? There’s a giant sign that says the code is 1600. That might be it. Oh. Now take that code and look for anything else on that sign that might be helpful. Triangle with a… zap thing. Triangle zap. Where? Triangle zap! Oh, ****. One of you is going to have to stick your hand in that hole. And I hope no one has a problem with snakes. It’s chill, if they hurt me I’m suing. This guy wants nothing to do with it. You wanna do it? What? No. Wanna stick your hand in it? You do it. [laughter] Put your hand in there. Oh god. He’s doing it. Alright, dude. Nah, nah! Ah! Aiya! That kid’s my favorite. Pull out whatever you find. What. Uh. Suit up. Suit up? Suit up. Oh ****. [laughter] You’re gonna have to walk out to the street to find an undercover Hydra operative, so you’re gonna have to very subtly, casually start asking around. These goggles decrease visibility. I feel like we look like ******* idiots. I feel like I look dope. “I feel like I look dope,” is what he said. Start asking people. Excuse me, excuse me. What’s up? Are you a Hydra operative? I’m not a Hydra operative. Oh ****! Yo! Are you a Hydra operative? She was just like, “Am I about to get dragged into a ******* van?” Hey, are you a Hydra operative? No. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Not that one. Oh, she went for it. Are you an operative? I’m not. Oh. *********! [laughter] I think the safest thing to do would be scream, “Hail Hydra.” Hail Hydra. Hail Hydra. That’s the best you got? Captain America is asking for your help and that’s the best you got? Hail Hydra! Hail Hydra! That’s better. Head back to the start. This guy looks so dope. [laughter] What did he give you? Flashlight and… And a Hydra pin. Good work, fellas. Find where in the store that Hydra emblem could fit. Oh, whoa. I found it! Oh ****, dude. Oh, ****! There! Oh. Good work. Aiya! Ah! Whaaat the ****? Okay, you’re gonna go through that door and I think the Hydra base is downstairs. There’s no light. Scary. Oh, if something jumps out I’m gonna scream. I’ll sue if they mess with me. [laughter] That was a good one. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. Why is there smoke? Okay, kill the flashlights. Aiya! Hello? Hail Hydra. Whaa! It’s off! Oh my god. Yo, yo, yo… Holy ****. Haaa! No way! Oh my god. Haaa! Wait, you’re Captain America! Haaa! [laughter] Wow. Great work, guys. This is the Captain America. Thanks for taking good care of me up there. Now that you’ve seen what escape rooms are all about, let’s see if you have what it takes to get out of one. Enter to join me for the game of a lifetime at omaze.com/escape. We’ll solve some puzzles, get some pizza, celebrate our success or mourn our failure. It happens. But win or lose, best part is that every entry supports Christopher’s Haven. It’s a nonprofit that provides homes for kids and their families while they’re battling cancer. It’s a good one. Oh and you might want to go back and look at that video one more time. I’ve hidden a link in there somewhere that just might help you win the big prize. Good luck. That’s him, that’s him. Yeah, it is. That’s right. How fun!

Jimmy Kimmel’s Full Interview with Kanye West

Jimmy Kimmel’s Full Interview with Kanye West


OUR FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED MEN IN THE WORLD. HE IS A MULTI-AWARD-WINNING RECORDING ARTIST, FASHION DESIGNER AND SHOE SALESMAN. HIS NEW ALBUM IS CALLED “YE.” PLEASE WELCOME KANYE WEST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪>>Jimmy: FIRST OF ALL — THANKS FOR BEING HERE AND THANK YOU FOR THE SHOES. NOBODY EVER BRINGS ME SHOES, YOU BROUGHT ME SHOES, THAT’S VERY NICE OF YOU, VERY KIND. I’LL TELL YOU A STORY AND THIS IS HONESTLY TRUE. THE LAST TIME, A FEW YEARS AGO YOU SENT ME A PAIR OF YEEZYS. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE HAD MORE PEOPLE COME UP AND TALK TO ME THAN WHEN I WAS WALKING AROUND IN THEM TO THE POINT WHERE I WAS LIKE, THIS IS CRAZY, I’VE GOT TO GET THESE OFF, PEOPLE ARE CHASING ME. I’M WORRIED PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BEAT ME UP AND TAKE THESE. USUALLY PEOPLE WAIT — I’VE SEEN THEM SLEEPING ON THE STREET WAITING FOR THESE SHOES. IS THAT FOR YOU MORE REWARDING THAN HEARING PEOPLE SAY THEY LIKE YOUR MUSIC?>>BOTH. >>Jimmy: IT’S BOTH, YEAH. SOMETIMES IT’S LIKE THE THING YOU ARE ACCUSTOMED TO HEARING AND YOU START HEARING SOMETHING ELSE, AND IT’S MORE EXCITING TO HEAR SOMETHING ELSE. BUT NOT FOR YOU. >>YEAH, WHEN YOU GO OUT AND DO CREATIVE JOURNEYS, IT IS EXCITING FOR PEOPLE TO APPRECIATE THAT. >>Jimmy: YEAH. >>ESPECIALLY IF PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, DIDN’T THINK THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE. LIKE WHEN I STARTED OFF IN CHICAGO AS AN ARTIST. AS A — I’M A VISUAL ARTIST, I WENT TO ART SCHOOL. >>Jimmy: RIGHT. >>AND I DECIDED TO START DOING MUSIC AND PEOPLE SAID IT WOULDN’T WORK OUT. THEN I STARTED PRODUCING AND SELLING BEATS AND I STARTED SELLING BEATS TO JAY-Z, ROCKA FELLA AND THAT WENT WELL. I SAID I WANTED TO RAP AND PEOPLE SAID THAT WOULDN’T WORK, PRODUCER RAPPER, IT MEANT YOU WOULDN’T RAP AS WELL AS THE REAL RAPPERS. THAT STARTED WORKING OUT. I SAID I WANTED TO DESIGN CLOSES AND THAT STARTED WORKING OUT.>>Jimmy: WHAT’S THE NEXT — WHAT IS NEXT FOR YOU?>>WELL — >>Jimmy: SPACE FORCE? [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>I WOULD TOTALLY BE INVOLVED. >>Jimmy: YOU SHOULD DESIGN THE UNIFORMS FOR THE SPACE FORCE. [ LAUGHTER ] IS THAT SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD DO IF PRESIDENT TRUMP ASKED YOU TO DO THAT?>>I’M INTO DESIGNING. >>Jimmy: YEAH, WHY NOT. [ LAUGHTER ] YOUR WIFE WAS HERE LAST WEEK — >>SPACE FORCE!>>Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS. SOMEBODY PUT A LEASH ON HIM, WILL YOU? YOUR WIFE WAS HERE LAST WEEK. AND SHE’S VERY NICE. AND SHE DID SOMETHING I WOULD IMAGINE YOU’RE VERY PROUD OF. SHE WENT TO WASHINGTON, SHE SPOKE TO THE PRESIDENT, AND SHE ACTUALLY CONVINCED HIM TO GRANT CLEMENCY TO A WOMAN WHO GOT LIFE IN PRISON, LIKE REAL LIFE IN PRISON, FOR A FIRST-TIME DRUG OFFENSE. WAS THAT SOMETHING YOU DISCUSSED WITH HER BEFORE SHE DID IT?>>SHE’S SUPER PASSIONATE ABOUT IT. AND IT WAS AMAZING FOR TO SEE THAT DREAM COME TRUE. >>Jimmy: WERE YOU EVER CONCERNED ABOUT HER BEING ALONE IN THE OVAL OFFICE WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP? [ LAUGHTER ]>>WELL, HE IS A PLAYER. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: PEOPLE GOT REALLY MAD WHEN YOU WERE — WELL, SOME PEOPLE WERE VERY HAPPY WHEN YOU SAID YOU LIKED PRESIDENT TRUMP. DO YOU LIKE — DO YOU THINK HE IS A GOOD PRESIDENT?>>YOU’RE GOING TO ASK ME — CAN I ANSWER THE FIRST QUESTION?>>Jimmy: ANSWER WHATEVER YOU WANT. >>WELL, YOU KNOW — IT’S FUNNY, YOU KNOW. IN THIS WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN, THERE’S TWO MAIN MOTIVATING FORCES. AND I TWEET ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. IT’S LOVE OR FEAR. AND YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN LOVE. YOU KNOW, MY COUSIN IS LOCKED UP FOR MURDER. AND I LOVE HIM. SO HE DID A BAD THING BUT I STILL LOVE HIM. AND JUST AS A MUSICIAN, AFRICAN-AMERICAN, GUY OUT IN HOLLYWOOD, ALL THESE DIFFERENT THINGS, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE AROUND ME TRIED TO PICK MY CANDIDATE FOR ME. AND THEN TOLD ME EVERY TIME I SAID I LIKED TRUMP THAT I COULDN’T SAY IT OUT LOUD OR MY CAREER WOULD BE OVER, I’D GET KICKED OUT OF THE BLACK COMMUNITY BECAUSE BLACKS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A MONOLITHIC THOUGHT, WE CAN ONLY BE DEMOCRATS AND ALL. SO — EVEN WHEN I SAID IT RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND I EXPRESSED MYSELF, AND WHEN I CAME OUT I HAD LOST MY CONFIDENCE. SO I DIDN’T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO TAKE ON THE WORLD AND THE POSSIBLE BACKLASH. AND IT TOOK ME A YEAR AND A HALF TO HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO STAND UP AND PUT ON THE HAT. NO MATTER WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES WERE. AND WHAT IT REPRESENTED TO ME IS NOTHING ABOUT POLICIES BECAUSE I’M NOT A POLITICIAN LIKE THAT, BUT IT REPRESENTED OVERCOMING FEAR AND DOING WHAT YOU FELT, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAID, IN SAYING, YOU CAN’T BULLY ME. LIBERALS CAN’T BULLY ME, NEWS CAN’T BULLY ME, THE HIP-HOP COMMUNITY, THEY CAN’T BULLY ME. AT THAT POINT, IF I’M AFRAID TO BE ME, I’M NO LONGER YE. THAT’S WHAT MAKES YE. I ACTUALLY QUITE ENJOY WHEN PEOPLE ACTUALLY ARE MAD AT ME ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS — >>Jimmy: YOU MUST ENJOY IT, YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]>>I ACTUALLY QUITE ENJOY IT. >>Jimmy: BECAUSE YOUR WIFE WAS MAD AT YOU, RIGHT? ACCORDING TO YOUR SONG, YOUR WIFE WAS UPSET ABOUT THAT.>>RIGHT OR WRONG, OR EVEN IF I CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT IT OR THOUGHT ABOUT IT MORE, WHICH I’M NOT SAYING I DID — JUST PLACE THE THOUGHT OUT THERE THAT EVERYONE’S BAD THINKING SOMETIMES. GALILEO, THEY WENT TO CHOP HIS HEAD OFF FOR SAYING THAT THE EARTH — WHAT DID HE SAY? THE SUN REVOLVED AROUND THE EARTH? VICE VERSA. >>Jimmy: RIGHT. >>SO WHEN YOU HAVE MODERN — >>Jimmy: BUT THE SUN — >>I’M NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THE SPECIFICS, SIR. [ LAUGHTER ]>>Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: DO YOU EVER REGRET ANYTHING YOU SAY? OR IS IT JUST — YOU LOOK AT IT LIKE, HEY, I PUT IT OUT THERE, IT’S OUT THERE, THERE’S NO POINT IN REGRETTING IT?>>I THINK PEOPLE FOCUS TOO MUCH ON THE PAST AND FOCUS TOO MUCH ON REGRET. EVEN LIKE WHEN YOU DEAL WITH SCHOOLS. LIKE YOU TAKE LIKE THE SLAVE IDEA. MY POINT IS, I’VE HEARD OF HISTORY CLASS. I’VE NEVER HEARD OF A CLASS THAT BREAKS DOWN HOW YOU, YOU KNOW, BALANCE A CHECKBOOK OR HOW YOU CONTROL YOUR FINANCES, WHICH MY FATHER NEVER TAUGHT ME THAT. AND I’VE NEVER HEARD OF A FUTURE CLASS. SO THEY KEEP US SO FOCUSED ON HISTORY THAT WE START TO BELIEVE THAT IT ACTUALLY REPEATS ITSELF. AND WE BECOME OVERLY TRADITIONAL. AND WE CAN’T ADVANCE AS A RACE OF BEINGS. WE GET TOO CAUGHT UP IN THE PAST AND WHAT EVERYONE’S SAYING AND WHAT EVERYONE’S TWEETING. AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO BE FEARLESS ENOUGH TO BREAK THE [ BLEEP ] SIMULATION. WHEN I SAY SIMULATION, THAT’S WHAT I MEAN BY S♪IMULATION. SORRY, I KNOW YOU GUYS WANTED TO CLAP BUT EVERYTHING I’M GOING TO SAY IS GOING TO BE AMAZING. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HERE’S THE IDEA WHY YOU’RE IN A SIMULATION. LET’S START WITH ACTING, FIRST OF ALL. A 2-YEAR-OLD SCREAMS AT A RESTAURANT, THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT SCREAMS, TEACH THAT KID HOW TO ACT. WE’RE ALL UNPAID ACTORS IN SOME GIANT SCRIPT THAT WE DIDN’T WRITE. SIMULATION. A 2-YEAR-OLD JUMPS ON A COFFEE TABLE AND SOMEONE SAYS, THAT’S A COFFEE TABLE, DON’T JUMP ON THAT. SO IT WENT FROM BEING SOMETHING THAT MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE SUPERMAN, HE’S GOT HIS CAPE ON, TO SOMETHING WHERE HE HAS TO THINK ABOUT IN THE PERSON’S LIKE A FAMILY MEMBER, HE’S 2 YEARS OLD, DOESN’T GIVE A [ BLEEP ] ABOUT A COFFEE OR A TABLE. HE’S STARTING TO LIKE CALCULATE ALL THESE THINGS. BY THE TIME YOU’RE 40 YEARS OLD YOU’VE GOT A WALL FULL OF COFFEE TABLES CALCULATING YOU INTO CLA TRAFFIC, CALCULATING YOU INTO YOUR CAREER CHOICE, CALCULATING YOU INTO THIS TOWNHOUSE THAT’S NOT QUITE AS BIG AS THE TOWNHOUSE NEXT AND IT JUST NEVER WORKS. THAT’S THE SIMULATION THAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. THAT’S WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY SIMULATION.>>Jimmy: I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. BUT I MIGHT NOT. BUT ALSO MAYBE PEOPLE DON’T WANT THE KID TO GET HURT JUMPING ON THE COFFEE TABLE, YOU KNOW?>>WE ARE TOO PROTECTIVE. WE ALWAYS DON’T WANT SOMEONE TO GET HURT. CAN YOU IMAGINE ME TALKING TO MY PUBLICIST BEFORE I SAY I’M GOING ON TV AGAIN? [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: YOU SHOULD BE WEARING A HELMET.>>I’M GOING ON TV BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME. I LOVE JIMMY. WE CAN HAVE A DIALOGUE ABOUT THE PRESIDENT AND NOT A DIATRIBE, YOU KNOW. IT’S LIKE WE CAN — I GOT THAT FROM SARAH JESSICA PARKER. >>Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT?>>YES. [ LAUGHTER ] SHOUT-OUT. SHOUT-OUT. BUT ONE OF THE THINGS I THINK GETS MISSED ON TMZ IS THE MAIN THING I WAS STRESSING IS THE IDEA OF TRYING LOVE. YOU KNOW, WE’RE ALWAYS, YOU KNOW — PUSHING OUT SO MUCH HATE AND LOVE CAN CURE SO MUCH. JUST TO THINK, AM I MOVING IN LOVE? IS THIS OUT OF LOVE? NOT OUT OF PRIDE. PRIDE IS A WORD PEOPLE SAY IN A POSITIVE CONNOTATION, BUT IT’S ACTUALLY ONE OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS. IT TAKES TOO MUCH OWNERSHIP. YOU CAN REPLACE PRIDE WITH LOVE. AND WHEN I SEE PEOPLE JUST EVEN LIKE GO AT THE PRESIDENT, IT’S LIKE, WHY NOT TRY LOVE? FOR ONE PERSON TO STAND UP AGAINST ALL ODDS AND JUST HUG SOMEBODY THE WAY THAT ALICE JOHNSON HUGGED HER FAMILY WHEN SHE GOT OUT OF JAIL. THAT ONE BY ONE BY ONE WE CAN DEFUSE THIS NUCLEAR BOMB OF HATE THAT WE’RE IN AS A SOCIETY BY THINKING OF EVERYONE AS OUR FAMILY. AND HOW WOULD WE TREAT OUR KIDS? HOW WOULD WE TREAT — >>Jimmy: IPY THAT’S A BEAUTIFUL THOUGHT BUT IN LITERAL TERMS THERE ARE FAMILIES BEING TORN APART AT THE BORDER OF THIS COUNTRY. THERE ARE LITERALLY FAMILIES BEING TORN APART AS A RESULT OF WHAT THIS PRESIDENT IS DOING. AND I THINK THAT WE CANNOT FORGET THAT, WHETHER WE LIKE HIS PERSONALITY OR NOT, HIS ACTIONS ARE REALLY WHAT MATTER. I MEAN, YOU SO FAMOUSLY AND SO POWERFULLY SAID, GEORGE BUSH DOESN’T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE. IT MAKES ME WONDER WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT DONALD TRUMP DOES, OR ANY PEOPLE AT ALL? WHY DON’T WE TAKE A BREAK, WE’LL COME BACK, AND KANYE WEST IS HERE! HIS ALBUM IS CALLED “YE.” WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK. KANYE WEST. WE JUST GOT THIS MAGAZINE. “BAZAAR” MAGAZINE. THERE YOU ARE WITH THE KIDS. THEY’RE VERY, VERY CUTE. CLIMBING ON YOUR HEAD. DO YOU DRESS THEM? DO YOU DRESS THEM? DO YOU PICK THEIR OUTFITS?>>UH-HUH. >>Jimmy: YOU DO? IS THAT FUN FOR YOU?>>UH-HUH. >>Jimmy: DO YOU DESIGN OUTFITS FOR THEM?>>UH-HUH. >>Jimmy: YOU DO. [ LAUGHTER ] DO THEY LOVE THAT?>>YES. >>Jimmy: DO THEY UNDERSTAND THAT PROCESS, THAT YOU DRAW SOMETHING AND IT BECOMES THEIR CLOTHES?>>MY DAUGHTER WENT TO A FASHION CAMP FOR FIVE DAYS A COUPLE WEEKS AGO. AND I VISITED HER, AND WE PUT — TOGETHER WE PUT THE THREAD THROUGH THE SEWING MACHINE. AND IT REALLY BROUGHT ME TO TEARS TO THINK ABOUT THE 15 YEARS THAT I’VE BEEN WORKING ON APPAREL AND FOR MY FRIEND VIRGIL TO BE THE HEAD OF LOUIS VUITTON, FOR ME TO HAVE THIS, YOU KNOW, $1.8 BILLION COMPANY OUT OF, YOU KNOW, A THREAD GOING THROUGH. AND SHE — MY DAUGHTER ASKED ME, DADDY, DO YOU HAVE A SEWING MACHINE LIKE THIS AT YOUR OFFICE? AND I BROUGHT HER TO MY OFFICE. AND SHE DID A BUNCH OF SKETCHES. AND MY HEAD PATTERN CUTTER MADE HER DRESSES RIGHT THERE. >>Jimmy: REALLY. >>FOR HER. SO SHE LOVES COMING TO THE OFFICE AND DOING SKETCHES. >>Jimmy: BOY, THAT’S SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN MY DAD’S OFFICE. [ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE SONGS ON YOUR ALBUM IS ABOUT — YOU’RE IN THE SONG, CORRECT ME IF I HAVE ANY OF THIS WRONG. YOU’RE IMAGINING YOUR DAUGHTER AS AN ADULT DATING AND MEN LOOKING AT HER.>>UH-HUH. >>Jimmy: AND YOU’RE VERY, VERY WORKED UP ABOUT THIS. >>UH-HUH. >>Jimmy: PREMATURELY SOME MIGHT SAY. DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU THINK THAT FAR AHEAD?>>OH, I THINK LIFETIMES AND LIFETIMES AHEAD.>>Jimmy: AND THAT — AND YOU ACTUALLY ARE IMAGINING LIKE GUYS OBJECTIFYING — DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS WOMEN HAS CHANGED SINCE HAVING DAUGHTERS?>>NAH, I STILL LOOK AT PORN HUB. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU LOOK AT, WHAT CATEGORIES? [ LAUGHTER ]>>BLACK IS MY FAVORITE CATEGORY.>>Jimmy: YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO INTO THAT. [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, YOU CAN IF YOU WANT.>>HEY, I MEAN, WHAT’S THE POINT OF BEING KANYE WEST IF YOU CAN’T?>>Jimmy: YEAH, LET’S HAVE IT.>>A LOT OF BLACK ON WHITE, OBVIOUSLY.>>Jimmy: OH, YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ] IT’S MIRRORING YOUR OWN SELF, YOUR OWN SITUATION. >>MY OWN REALITY. >>Jimmy: RIGHT. IT’S LIKE BUBBLY MASTURBATING IN A WAY IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. >>HOW DO YOU DO THAT? [ LAUGHTER ] I NEED THAT DOUBLE — >>Jimmy: I’LL SHOW YOU AFTER THE SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ]>>NO, I DON’T WANT TO.>>Jimmy: YOU HAVE SOME REALLY HEAVY SONGS. ONE OF THEM IS CALLED “I THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING YOU.” IS THAT SONG ABOUT SOMEBODY IN PARTICULAR? AND IS IT ME? [ LAUGHTER ]>>YOU KNOW, SOMEONE E-MAILED ME AFTER THAT SONG CAME OUT AND SAID THAT THEY HAD — THEIR MOM HAD PASSED AWAY AND THAT THEY HAD TAKEN 60 PILLS. AND THAT THEY TRIED TO KILL THEMSELVES. AND THEY WROTE AT THE END OF IT, “PREMEDITATED MURDER.” SO IT’S — >>Jimmy: AND THAT IS A REFRAIN, YOU SAY PREMEDITATED MURDER. THAT CAME FROM SOMEBODY WRITING YOU?>>NO. AFTER THE SONG CAME OUT. >>Jimmy: AFTER. >>BUT SAYING THAT THIS PERSON TAKING THESE PILLS AND TRYING TO KILL THEMSELVES WAS A FORM OF PREMEDITATED MURDER.>>Jimmy: SURE. >>AND WHAT I SAID IS LIKE, PEOPLE ARE SO AFRAID TO FACE WHAT WE’RE ACTUALLY DEALING WITH, WHETHER IT’S OPIOID ADDICTION, WHETHER IT’S SUICIDE, WHETHER IT’S ALL THESE THINGS. WE JUST WANT TO LIKE — WE WANT TO PUT A PATINA ON IT AND NOT FACE IT. AND I THINK THE BREAK THROUGH FOR THAT ALBUM FOR ME — I DON’T DO OLD VERSIONS OF MUSIC, I’M LOOKING TO DO SOMETHING NEW. THE BREAKTHROUGH WAS TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A SONG CALLED “I THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING YOU” IN THIS LIKE SUPER-PC, HOLLYWOOD, YOU CAN’T SAY NOTHING WRONG DAY AND AGE. IT’S LIKE, KANYE WEST’S FIRST SONG 80 THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING YOU” AND TAKE YOU THROUGH THE THOUGHTS. THE OTHER DAY I TWEETED HOW TO NOT KILL YOURSELF PART 1. WHEN YOU’RE AN ARTIST AND YOU’RE CREATIVE AND YOU WANT TO GIVE SO MUCH TO THE WORLD AGAINST ALL ODDS THERE’S TIMES WHEN YOU CAN GO INTO THAT PLACE.>>Jimmy: CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, BUT THE HOW TO WAS, DON’T BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF, RIGHT?>>YES. >>Jimmy: YEAH. GOOD ADVICE.>>THAT WAS THE FIRST ONE. I WAS INSPIRED AFTER SEEING THIS ALEXANDER McQUEEN FILM. THIS WAS A BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING ARTIST THAT KILLED HIMSELF. HE’D ALWAYS TALK ABOUT IT. HE DESIGNED HIS OWN BASKET. I THOUGHT ABOUT A TOMBSTONE THAT SAID “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?”>>Jimmy: IT’S FUNNY BUT NOT FUNNY, REALLY, THOUGH. >>YEAH. >>Jimmy: BECAUSE, YOU KNOW — WHEN YOU HAVE THOUGHTS LIKE THAT, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AND TALK TO PEOPLE. >>YEAH. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL — WELL, NOT BE CAREFUL. JUST BE EXPRESSIVE AND UNDERSTAND THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE SENSITIVE PEOPLE. LIKE YOU GET THESE CELEBRITIES AND THEY GET A BAD PHOTO AND EVERYONE JUST TEARS THEM ALL THE WAY TO SHREDS AND YOU FORGET THIS IS A DAUGHTER, A SON, A MOM, A DAD. AND YOU KNOW, I THINK I FIGHT FOR — I FIGHT FOR ALL OF US. >>Jimmy: YOU HAVE A LOT OF EMPATHY, I GUESS, IF THAT’S THE WAY YOU’RE THINKING. >>I DO. I DO HAVE A LOT OF EMPATHY.>>Jimmy: YEAH, ALL RIGHT.>>>WE’RE BACK WITH KANYE WEST. THIS IS HIS ALBUM CALLED “YE.” A BEAUTIFUL PHOTOGRAPH. YOU RECORDED THIS IN JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING. YOU PUT OUT FIVE OTHER ALBUMS WITH OTHER ARTISTS THAT YOU PRODUCED BASICALLY WITHIN LIKE, WHAT, A MONTH-LONG PERIOD OF TIME. THAT’S A TON OF WORK. ARE YOU LIKE — ARE YOU A WORKAHOLIC? ARE YOU ALWAYS WORKING?>>NO, I ACTUALLY SLEPT A LOT DURING THE PROJECT.>>Jimmy: WHILE THEY WERE RECORDING?>>YEAH. I HAVE A TEAM, WE WORKED TOGETHER. I SPENT A YEAR AND A HALF AFTER I GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. AND I WOULD GO TO AMOEBA RECORD STORE AND START CHOPPING UP SAMPLES. IT’S VERY THERAPEUTIC BECAUSE I WASN’T FULL YE — I DON’T KNOW IF I’M FULL YE NOW, BETTER OR WORSE OR WHATEVER. BUT IT WAS THERAPEUTIC JUST TO LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS AND SAMPLE AND GO BACK TO BEING 14 YEARS OLD AT MY MOM’S HOUSE. AND BY THE TIME IT’S TIME TO DO — TO PUT THE ALBUMS OUT, WE HAVE A WHOLE TEAM AT YEEZY SOUND THAT WILL HELP COME AND DO THE DRUMS, HELP WITH LYRICS, HELP WITH CHORUSES. I HAD TO GIVE LIKE SIX, SEVEN PEOPLE IDEAS THAT I WANT ON THE SONG. AND I’D JUST GO TO SLEEP AND JUST WAIT FOR THEM — >>Jimmy: THEM WORKING WHILE YOU SLEEP, THAT’S A HARD WORKER RIGHT THERE. >>I FEEL LIKE YOU AVOIDED THIS ALBUM TITLE. >>Jimmy: OH, YEAH, I DON’T — “I HATE BEING BIPOLAR, IT’S AWESOME.” I HAVE A THEORY ABOUT YOU, TELL ME IF THIS IS CORRECT. I FEEL YOU FEEL BY BEING BIPOLAR IS PART WHAT WAS MAKES YOU BRILLIANT, PART OF WHAT MAKES YOU YOU, AND YOU EMBRACE IT. >>YEAH, I THINK THAT’S ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE PEOPLE ARE LIKE, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT? THE FUNNY THING IS, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WAS LIKE ON THE INTERNET BEFORE. IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY. BUT IT’S NOT AN OPPOSITE. IT’S NOT I HATE BEING BIPOLAR. IT’S AWESOME. IT ACTUALLY DRIVES MORE OF HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. IT DOESN’T DO THE OPPOSITE THING. I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT FOR US TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT, YOU KNOW — OPEN CONVERSATIONS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH. ESPECIALLY WITH ME BEING BLACK. BECAUSE WE NEVER HAD THERAPISTS IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY. WE NEVER APPROACHED LIKE TAKE A MEDICATION. I THINK IT’S GOOD WHEN I HAD MY FIRST COMPLETE BLACKOUT AT AGE 5, MY MOM DIDN’T FULLY MEDICATE ME. BECAUSE I MIGHT HAVE NEVER BEEN YE. AND THERE’S TIMES WHERE AT LEAST I’M HAPPY THAT I KNOW. LIKE EVEN LIKE FOR THIS INTERVIEW, I KNEW I WANTED TO STAY IN A EQUAL STATE. BECAUSE BY THE TIME I GOT TO TMZ I WAS RAMPED UP. WHAT WAS AWESOME IS THE WORLD GOT TO REALLY EXPERIENCE SOMEONE IN A RAMPED-UP STATE. AND THAT’S WHEN YOU GET THESE COMMENTS THAT JUST SHOOT OUT, ALMOST LIKE TOURETTE’S. >>Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU HAVE HIGHS AND LOWS. WHEN YOU HAVE A HIGH, YOU’RE ON A ROLL. WHEN YOU HAVE A LOW, YOU’RE NOT?>>WELL, THERE’S SOME CASES OF BIPOLAR WHERE PEOPLE GO LOW. I’M ONE THAT GOES HIGH. >>Jimmy: I SEE. >>LIKE MICHELLE OBAMA SAID, GO HIGH. [ LAUGHTER ] ? YOU DON’T HAVE EXTREME PERIODS OF DEPRESSION?>>OH, NO. BECAUSE I JUST SAY IT. I SAY IT ON REAL TV. OH, I THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING MYSELF. THEN THE THOUGHT IS GONE. >>Jimmy: SO ALL PEOPLE NEED TO DO IS GET ON TV, THAT’S REALLY THE SOLUTION. >>THEY NEED TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES WITHOUT FEAR OF JUDGMENT. WHAT I LOVE TELLING PEOPLE IS LIKE, WHO DO YOU KNOW — YEAH, ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN. YOU KNOW, I’M 41 YEARS OLD. AND I DON’T KNOW ANYONE, YOU KNOW, THAT [ BLEEP ]ED UP AS MUCH AS I HAVE THAT’S STILL AS SUCCESSFUL. I WANT TO PROVE THAT YOU COULD GET FAT, YOU COULD SAY THE WRONG THINGS, YOU CAN PISS A WHOLE [ BLEEP ] CITY OFF — >>Jimmy: AND BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >>WELL — YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THERE’S ONE PERSON. KANYE WEST, EVERYBODY. THIS IS HIS ALBUM. IT’S CALLED “YE.”

This Is What Winning Looks Like (Full Length)

This Is What Winning Looks Like (Full Length)


EDDY MORETTI: Hi, I’m
Eddy Moretti. Today, I’m with Ben Anderson,
who’s an independent filmmaker of documentaries and a writer. You have a book out right now
called “No Worse Enemy.” Ben has been working with us at
Vice for a number of years. He’s also been reporting
from Afghanistan for a number of years. He was first embedded with
British forces around 2007. [GUNFIRE] -Is anybody hit? -Is anyone hit? EDDY MORETTI: But he recently
made a trip to Afghanistan in December of 2012. So we’re going to watch Ben’s
new documentary, which is called “This Is What Winning
Looks Like.” It’s a shocking and an eye-opening look at the
state of Afghanistan today. BARACK OBAMA: Tonight, I can
announce that over the next year, another 34,000 American
troops will come home from Afghanistan. This drawdown will continue. And by the end of next
year, our war in Afghanistan will be over. [APPLAUSE] GENERAL ALLEN: Afghan forces,
defending Afghan people and enabling the government
of this country to serve its citizens. This is victory. This is what winning
looks like. And we should not shrink
from using these words. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: You know, over
here, you’ve got a PB commander who we know is
kidnapping boys and sexually molesting them. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: So try doing
that day in and day out, working with child molesters. It wears on you after a while. BARACK OBAMA: International
troops will continue to train, advise, and assist the
Afghans and fight alongside them when needed. But we will shift into
a support role as Afghans step forward. But we must finish the job we
started in Afghanistan and end this war responsibly. EDDY MORETTI: This is what the
American military is saying and the American government. But you don’t believe
it, because you’ve seen to the contrary. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah, and the
British and American Marines on the ground don’t
believe it either. I mean, all it is now is about
getting out and saving face. And we’re not leaving because
we’ve achieved our goals. We’re leaving because
we’ve given up on achieving those goals. That’s the only goal now
is to somehow look good as we pull out. It could even be worse than that
because all the fighting has been to introduce a corrupt,
hated, and feared government, who in some areas
make the Taliban look like the good guys. And when you remember that the
Taliban were welcomed into power in the mid ’90s because
they looked like the good, just Muslims in comparison to
the warlords, it feels eerily similar today. -I’ll go ahead and give you guys
a quick class on hygiene and cleanliness of the PB. The big thing is separating
where you shower, eat, use the restroom. You want to keep it separate. So if you’re eating, or you
just showered where you’re using the restroom, you pretty
much just put all that bacteria you just got rid of and
put it right back on your skin, using your hands to eat. It’s just going right back in
your system, and it’s going to cause sickness, diseases. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Let me explain one
more thing. We’re taking time out of our
lives, the Marines are. OK, everybody here is taking
times out of our lives to come down here, away from our
families, to help you guys. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -We’re not here to
offend anybody. If we say something that
may offend you, we apologize ahead of time. Let us know, and we’ll fix it. BEN ANDERSON: Everyone believes
the training is being accelerated now as we leave. The training is almost
non-existent now. Most of the forces are pulled
back to the main bases, which they never leave. Because, as I say, the people
on the ground, I think, have given up on there being
any chance of success. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So they’ve got
four secret prisoners who they stuffed in the furthest room
and filled the door with sandbags who they were trying
to hide from the Marines. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -They are so hungry. -How long have they
been there? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -OK. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Oh. There’s four guys. -Four? -Yeah. -Tell them I was going to the
bathroom back there, and I heard voices back in the
corner [INAUDIBLE]. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Can we see if they’re in our
system with the eye scan? Can we do the eye scan? -These guys? -Yeah. Can we take them out and see if
they’re in our system, see if they’re– -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Who? Who dropped them off? [FOREIGN LANGUAGE]? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Can we give them water? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Just wait? -Right. EDDY MORETTI: Doesn’t the US
military have more capable resources to do– this is
literally nation building from the psyche up. BEN ANDERSON: Well, the idea’s
always been fight your way into a town, clear
the Taliban out. Then all these other people come
in to train the Afghans in governance and build
infrastructure and so on. That other bit rarely ever
happens and certainly doesn’t happen anywhere near as much
as it should be happening. So it’s left to guys like him,
who as you say are trained to fight, not to do all these very complicated, difficult jobs. And later that day, a local
politician arrived. He was the man behind the
taking of the prisoner. -Was the purpose of the whole
mission, the operation last night, just to go get
his brother back and get those Taliban? Or was there another mission,
and they just happened to get these guys? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -If he– he can only
arrest Taliban. That’s what that warrant was
for, was for the Taliban that kidnapped his brother. Kidnapping their brothers is
just the same as kidnapping any random person. It’s kidnapping. It’s a crime. It’s not legal to kidnap
just any person. Only if they’re Taliban,
and they catch them. Other than being the brothers
of the Taliban who kidnapped his brother, they haven’t
done anything wrong. They haven’t committed
a crime. So they cannot be arrested if
they haven’t done anything wrong themselves. Just because they’re the
brothers of the Taliban does not mean that they are
Taliban themselves. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: This shows
how powerless they are. They don’t really know. All they know is four guys have
been illegally taken and are being illegally detained,
not fed, not given water. And it’s being hidden
from them. They’re playing catch-up
all the time. That’s all they can do. The Marines I was with turned up
to spend the night at this patrol base. But the Afghan police had pulled
the security barrier down and were selling
it as scrap metal at the local bazaar. So they had no security
whatsoever in their base. So the Marines couldn’t stay. -Looks like they just took
them out of here. So they were still here,
but I don’t know where they are right now. You’ve got to find out where
to draw the line as far as where you want to try to make
them, and we don’t want to make them into American
police. That’s not the intent
of being over here. But we also want to teach them
just the human rights piece of it, that if you do have a
detainee or a prisoner, that you still have to
give them water. BEN ANDERSON: So while the
Marines were somewhere else, they snuck them into the back
of the truck and snuck them out the gate. [CAR HORN] BEN ANDERSON: It’s sort of a
slightly half-hearted effort to make them stop because they
haven’t got the power to make them stop. -I got a good look
at two of them. Two of them had their
face covered up. So we can still look at
the head pictures, see who they might be. -Hey, if you don’t have your
gear on, get it on. BEN ANDERSON: So after the truck
went out with the four detainees in the back, three
surrounding police patrol bases came under attack
from the Taliban. [GUNFIRE] -South-southeast. -How far? -At least 300 meters. BEN ANDERSON: As soon as the
Taliban see the US Marines’ truck somewhere, they
don’t attack it. They only attack
the weak spots. Although some bullets eventually
came towards the watch tower that we were in. [GUNFIRE] -Hey, what are they
shooting at? -Talk to them, Dunlap. -There’s a truck coming in. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Don’t shoot until
you can see them. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] TRANSLATOR:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -He says they’re outside the
camp, and how can I see them. If I do shoot, they
will [INAUDIBLE]. -Wait ’til they come out. -Well, if you don’t see them,
then you can’t hit them with the bullets. You’re going to waste ammo. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Kids right at the tree line. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -You got any eyes over
there to the left? -Negative. -We’ve got nothing. -Here. -Where, sir? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: He was so angry
he couldn’t shoot. He just grabbed the big machine
gun, ran out the gate, and then just fired wildly. [GUNFIRE] -He’s just walking
and shooting. He’s not aiming at anything. -They ran to the corner? -Yeah, they’re just walking down
the alley, shooting at nothing. -What’s that? -They’re just walking down the
alley like this, shooting. [GUNFIRE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Not if we don’t have it. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] TRANSLATOR: If we run out of
ammunition, we will use these rocks to fight the Taliban. -All right. Good to go. BEN ANDERSON: This is another
patrol base where they’re advising the police. And on the police base, there’s
this huge weed plant like right next to their little
area where they’re– EDDY MORETTI: Did you see– BEN ANDERSON: Inside
the police base. EDDY MORETTI: Did you
see weed everywhere? BEN ANDERSON: Everywhere. Every police base has
got a little garden. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Well, you have two options. You can go to PHQ, and you can
tell them your situation. TRANSLATOR:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Or you’re going to have
to learn to work with what you have. But I recommend you go to PHQ
and tell them your situation. And show them that weapon and
demand that they give you more weapons to replace that. EDDY MORETTI: They don’t
understand that, yeah, actually, there has been
a transformation. We are supposed to
take the lead. They’re still expecting the US
forces to take the lead. BEN ANDERSON: And that’s what
amazed me is how it hasn’t got through to the Afghans yet. One Afghan soldier said to me,
oh, it’ll be great when the Americans leave because all the
money they had for weapons and equipment, we’ll
get that money. And I was saying– EDDY MORETTI: It doesn’t
really work like that. BEN ANDERSON: No, no, no. And also, someone, somewhere,
I’m sure has said, remember when we supported the Mujahideen
against the Russians, and remember we left
all those weapons there. And we had to spend years and
millions of dollars getting those weapons, particularly the
Stinger missiles, back. We’re not making that
same mistake again. So these guys have got AK-47s,
a few RPGs, unarmored pickup trucks, a few Humvees, which
are not safe enough for the Americans or British
to drive anywhere. And that’s all they’ve got. -Well, then, here’s the thing. We’re trying to get you to the
point where you can operate without heavily depending
on American help. But nothing is going to happen
until you sit down and you show us a plan. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -I hear great things
about you. You’re a good PB commander,
so you guys, you have a lot of men here. And I think you’re going
to do great things. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: And he eventually
gets through to him that you have to come up
with a plan yourself. Then you can do it, and we’ll
support you if need be. So they leave with the police
commander saying, OK, I’ll come up with a plan within a
few days, and we’ll do it. And a few days later, he just
vanished on leave, and no one’s heard from him since. No plan. EDDY MORETTI: No plan. -Put your helmet on, Sayid. Sayid, put your Kevlar
on, brother. BEN ANDERSON: At another patrol
base, as usual, they didn’t seem to want the Marines’
help or advice. -You can just have your guys
gather around right here. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -All right. Well, based on the sandbags
that we have, that’s all we got. So let’s go ahead and
fill those up. Once we have filled those up,
like I said, five of you guys will fill it up with sandbags. The other five is going
to help out and get the other one fixed. And then we’ll switch. Hey, if you guys don’t want to
do it right now, I completely understand it. But we’re here to help
you guys out. If you guys don’t
want our help, we’ll leave the sandbags. You guys figure it out. We’re taking our gear with us. We’re here to help you guys out,
to make your tower safer. That way, you guys don’t get
shot from all directions. All right? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] Anywhere here? Huh? You’re going to check? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Yes or no. [FOREIGN LANGUAGE]? Move out of the way. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [MINE SWEEPER TONES] BEN ANDERSON: Policeman at the
checkpoint was smoking weed, which is kind of normal. But two of the policemen filling
sandbags now are out of their brains on something
else, something stronger, opium or heroin, literally
nodding off as they stand up or sit down, filling
the sandbags. So while all that was happening,
someone fired a few shots at the watchtower
that they were filling sandbags for. [GUNSHOT] -Was that him? -[INAUDIBLE], what’s going on? -What’s he shooting at? [GUNSHOT] -What are you shooting at? What the fuck is that? -Maybe he’s shooting
back to the west. They don’t have positive ID. -What are you shooting at? What are you shooting
at, brother? -The PB commander
wants to shoot– -Where? —just a show of force,
[INAUDIBLE] copy. -Huh? You see Taliban? Where do you see Talis? Yeah, where? -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] TRANSLATOR: Taliban stay
in the garden, and some [INAUDIBLE] shoot past. -They’re in the garden, and
they’re shooting at us? -Yeah. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Pull the [INAUDIBLE]. BEN ANDERSON: They haven’t seen
who just shot at them. They just want to get some shots
fired back as a sort of show of force. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -What’s that? They’re in the garden? -In the garden. -You’ve got to make
sure you see them. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -You’ve got to make sure you
see them because you were firing rounds down there,
and you don’t know what you were firing at. You’ve got to see them
before you fire. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -But just like I’m saying, just
make sure you actually see somebody before you fire
because you don’t know what lies on beyond that. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Professionals don’t do that. Professionals make sure they
know their target and what lies beyond their target. Professionals don’t just
shoot out in the crowd. You’re supposed to
be professionals. You guys are professionals. That’s why you don’t do that. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: And then three
weeks later, the deputy commander got shot right
through his body and scraped his lungs. And the Marine medic saved him,
and they found a bag of heroin in his pocket. So I’m sure these guys
were on heroin. [BICYCLE HORN SQUEAKING] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Are you putting your men
back on the sandbags? You going to help them
carry them out here? TRANSLATOR:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: The lesson of the
day was filling sandbags. The police got bored of that
very quickly, pulled over a car at their checkpoint, and
just got some civilians and then some kids to fill and carry
the sandbags for them. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: This is
Major Bill Steuber. He’s in charge of the Police
Advisory Team, 18 Marines who go out to all these bases. He spends most of his time at
the police headquarters, trying to advise
the leadership. But the actual police chief
vanished eight days into his job, went on hajj, hadn’t been
seen at this point for two and a half months. The acting police chief has
also just vanished. And he’s got no idea where he’s
gone or what’s happening. BEN ANDERSON: And basically,
when these guys vanish, they often take all of their
commanders with them. So the last time this happened,
half of the police force in Sangin just vanished. So every time the US Marines
are alone with the Afghans, they have to have a
guardian angel. So one of them has got his rifle
cocked and his finger on the trigger, ready in case
there’s an insider attack. BILL STEUBER: You ever see the
TV show “The Sopranos”? It’s vast. Everything from skimming
ammunition off of their supplies to skimming fuel
off of their shipments. There’s false imprisonment. They’ll take people. During an engagement, they’ll
just wrap everybody up that was around it, and then they’ll
wait for the families to come in and pay them money
to be able to release them. All of these vehicles are
claimed on their monthly expenditures. So they’re getting fuel and
oil money for every single vehicle that you see,
even though obviously, they can’t run. They can’t operate. They only got a handful of
vehicles that operate. So in the district, I think
they have 25 vehicles, and maybe only 10 or 11 of
them actually work. But they’re collecting the fuel
money and oil money for all of the other vehicles,
even though they can’t actually operate them. Ammunition’s the same thing. We count the rounds when they
come off the vehicles here. And it’s usually the rounds,
the RPGs, that are getting sold in the bazaar. That’ll happen in transit,
because they know once they get it here and we take
inventory of it, we’re very watchful as to what’s going
on with that ammunition. This was taken up off
of a dead Taliban. What’s interesting is the guy
that was wearing this vest, when he came in, he was
in the back one of these trucks like this. And we went up to bring them a
white sheet, and they wouldn’t let us cover him. It was kind of disturbing. There was just a kid
sitting back there. Pissed and shit himself
and fucking bleeding all over and– yeah, it sucks. It sucks to see kids
get fucking shot. BEN ANDERSON: Did they say why
they wouldn’t give him a proper burial? BILL STEUBER: They said
he didn’t deserve it. And we brought the sheet for
him anyway, just because whether he’s a warrior– he’s still a warrior, you
know, and deserves to be treated like one,
even in death. But they didn’t seem
to think that way. So that was the first
time I’d seen that. EDDY MORETTI: What’s amazing
is he’s really candid about this, this soldier. BEN ANDERSON: He’s one
of those guys. He was more sort of emotionally
invested in this than anybody else. And he’s the one who I said
sometimes almost looked traumatized by what
he couldn’t do. I was kind of foist upon him,
and he had no choice but to let me go out filming
with him. But he’s one of those guys
who just couldn’t lie. I could ask him questions, and
you saw him really wrestling with a good way of saying it. But he just couldn’t
tell lies. And I really admired
him for that. BILL STEUBER: As an advisor,
you’re a dog with a lot of bark and not a lot of bite. So there’s some things that in
order to get the mission accomplished– I’m not going to say–
we don’t turn a blind eye to anything. We report everything. But there’s certain things that
normally, where you would just be like, hey, this
is just a no go. We’re not going to do this. That you, in order to get the
mission accomplished, in order for them to actually go out and
still hold security and hold PVs, you’ve kind
of got to let it go. Things like if we were go in
and shut down all of their schemes, all of their corruption
schemes, you would render them completely
ineffective. You take a look around– BEN ANDERSON: Really, really
disheartened, I think, by the end of this, because even when
guys were abducting and raping young boys and murdering them,
nothing happened as a result of his reports. He was reporting everything he
saw up to over 200 people in the chain of command. Nothing was ever done. BILL STEUBER: You’ve got guys
like this right here. That’s one officer, the
administrative officer and investigating officer, who
are here from Kabul. They’re academy trained
policemen, professional. They can read. They can write. They believe in the
rule of law. They believe in securing the
population and the people and treating them right. I mean, these are the guys that
are easy to work with. But then you have over here a
PB commander who we know is kidnapping boys and
sexually molesting them, robbing the people. He treats the people of Sangin
like a piggy bank that he can just shake and rob. And that’s really difficult. How do you work with
a guy like that? The natural part of an advisor
is you want to have the most effect on things. So it’s easy to go work with the
professional [INAUDIBLE] like this. But really, where we need
to be is working with guys like that. So try doing that day in and
day out, working with child molesters, working with people
who are robbing people, murdering them. It wears on you after a while. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So that’s
Hamid Khan, an Afghan Army commander. And he was the one note
of cautious optimism. And the US Marines said he’s the
best Afghan Army commander they’ve ever seen. Really good guy, really
motivated, had all the answers to the right questions. EDDY MORETTI: Not stoned? BEN ANDERSON: Not stoned. I think if he saw his– well,
there were quite a few soldiers that were stoned. But I think if he saw his men
doing things wrong, I think he would stop it. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: There are
all kinds of other issues with the army. They’re still completely
dominated by the northern ethnic groups. There are very few southern
Pashtuns, like 2% to 3% of the Army are southern Pashtuns. So a lot of southern Pashtuns
see the Afghan National Army as being almost as foreign
as we look to them. Back in 2001, 2002, we could
have created an actual national army. But it’s an exaggeration to
call this a national army. It’s not a national army. It’s the Northern Alliance. It’s the historical enemies
of the Taliban. -[CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: One thing you do
see with these guys is they’ve got pictures of Massoud
everywhere. EDDY MORETTI: Right, who
was the leader of the Northern Alliance. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah. EDDY MORETTI: But he was
just another warlord like the other ones. BEN ANDERSON: Well, you talk to
Afghans, and many Afghans will say, listen, you in
the West love Massoud. But when they shelled Kabul,
tens of thousands of civilians were killed. And entering into these
southern villages with pictures of Massoud everywhere
is almost like me driving around New York with a picture
of Bin Laden in the window of my car. That’s an exaggeration, but you
don’t look like the army who have come to protect and
serve when you come in with pictures of Massoud and pictures
of Dostum, who is probably the most brutal warlord
in Afghanistan’s recent history. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: There was a big
drive to try and get southern Pashtuns to join the national
police and the national army. It failed. And so they created
local militias. They’re called the Afghan
local police. Every village has got its
men of fighting age. They’re tough guys who protect
their village. Some are Taliban. Some are anti-Taliban. And we just said to all of
them, regardless of their history, if we put you on the
payroll, will you fight for us or not fight against us? And that’s what these
guys are. They’re the Afghan
local police. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: And some of the
local police didn’t look over 16 years old. So as soon as we start
walking towards this Taliban-controlled village,
they come under fire. [GUNFIRE] BEN ANDERSON: And straightaway
start shooting back despite not having any idea where
the Taliban are. They’re firing towards the
Afghan local police. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [GUNFIRE] BEN ANDERSON: So the ANA are
in the first village. They wanted to clear the first
village, which is still controlled by the Taliban. It’s incredible to think that
there’s still a village within two miles of the main base in
Sangin where foreign forces first arrived over six years ago
that’s still controlled by the Taliban. But they’re hoping to clear
this village today. And there’s a village on the
north side of the river which is also Taliban-controlled. But they’re hoping to collect
the local elders and persuade them to join Afghan security
forces, the Afghan government, and reject the Taliban and let
these guys establish a permanent presence here. At the minute, they’re firing
lots of rounds but don’t seem to be shooting at anything. -Sniper. [GUNFIRE] BEN ANDERSON: That guy who’s
just firing as if he’s having a fit, three days later fled
with loads of weapons, a few rockets, planning to
kill the commander. EDDY MORETTI: Why? BEN ANDERSON: He defected
to the Taliban. EDDY MORETTI: Holy shit. BEN ANDERSON: Insider attacks
against Americans and British have got lots of headlines. It’s far worse, insider
attacks against Afghans, far worse. And he had three people working
with them, and they either lost their courage
or something. But they were still within that
army unit, and no one knows who they were. [GUNFIRE] BEN ANDERSON: So there’s a
balloon in the sky that films everything. They’ve got them all
over Afghanistan. EDDY MORETTI: Whose
balloon is it? BEN ANDERSON: American. And they’ve got these cameras
that, you know, night vision, thermal, which means you can
follow somebody for weeks. EDDY MORETTI: Kind of like
low-rent drones. They just sort of sit there. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah, exactly,
the same thing. But they can stay up there in
one place for weeks, just attached by one cable. So someone is watching
all of this. And he says, it’s four guys,
not sure if it’s Taliban. But as they were running away,
one of them ran out and planted a white flag in the
middle of all that firing. And that’s not a flag
of surrender. That’s the Taliban’s
flag, a white flag. EDDY MORETTI: Oh shit. BEN ANDERSON: And planted that,
and then they escaped. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -Fuck! -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] EDDY MORETTI: Why is he
collecting the casings? BEN ANDERSON: He’s an
old man who’s in the Afghan local police. But he hasn’t signed up and
registered yet, so he’s not getting paid. So he collects all the casings
to sell as scrap metal at the local bazaar. So the Marines accompanying
the ANA are not really advising at all. They let the ANA plan and
execute the operations themselves. And they’re just here just in
case things go badly wrong, and lots of people are
about to get killed. But apart from that, this
operation really is Afghan-led. And I’ve never seen
that before. I’ve seen lots of operations
where the claim has been it’s Afghan-led. But it’s a farcical claim. This really is an Afghan-led
operation. Good, good. [FOREIGN LANGUAGE]. -[FOREIGN LANGUAGE],
Taliban finish. -Finish. -No go Tali. -Run away. -Fuck you, Taliban. BEN ANDERSON: So at the end of
that operation, they walk back to the village where they
started, and they got the few remaining local elders together
and said, look, you need to give us some men, give
us some young men, form your own local police force, and
defend your village. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: That was pretty
amazing, to think that after all of this money and effort
and bloodshed, all we’re saying to villagers like these
guys is, we’ll give you a weapon, and you can
defend yourself. So we’re asking Afghans to pick
sides on the side of the Afghan government right as we’re
leaving and right as the Taliban are as strong as ever. And if I was an Afghan living
in Helmand province– EDDY MORETTI: It’s like, hey,
pick the losing side. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah, or– I wouldn’t pick any side. I’d be nice to whichever
strongman was in my garden at that point. Then, in the middle of all this,
there was a visit from the American ambassador and the
British deputy ambassador. I was told it was a
symbolic visit. Because Sangin has always been
known as the most dangerous town in Afghanistan. So the American and deputy
British ambassadors visited to show if they can visit this
hostile town of Sangin, then progress must be being made. They walked about 150 meters,
had lunch, had a briefing where they were given nothing
but glowing reports about how wonderfully everything
was going. -So you’re saying they’re not
staying and fighting. They’re starting to move out. -Yes, sir. A little bit earlier, here
specifically, because of some of the operations that have
been taking place are about to be, sir. We ripped out with 1-7 about a
month ago and significantly reduced a lot of the Marine
presence in Sangin and northern Helmand, and we’ve seen
ANSF continue to hold all those patrol bases throughout
Sangin. -The numbers may show that
there’s an increased frequency in the attacks. The effectiveness is far
less than ever before. People are talking about the
security may not be that good. And I showed a map of 2010 where
you can see the entire Sangin Valley is blocked red. And now, we talk about it
in pockets, [INAUDIBLE] entire district. And that’s a good thing. So there’s not that sustained
presence that we might have seen in the past. So again, it’s a continuing road
throughout the district. And it’s starting to expand. Working together, it’s across
all lines, exactly where we want Sangin to be right now. -Yes, sir. The advisor teams are really
taking hold in here. BEN ANDERSON: The ambassadors
want to visit Sangin because that shows that Sangin, the
most dangerous town in Afghanistan, is now
safer than it was. EDDY MORETTI: They’re
pretty out of touch. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah. It felt like they were there for
the photo op and to tick a few boxes and then leave. I mean, the Marine major who was
so open and honest about all the problems he’s having–
kidnapping, murder, drug abuse, child rape– he was there and had to sit
through this briefing, didn’t say a word. Wasn’t asked a single
question. EDDY MORETTI: That’s a
deliberate choice, not to ask him a question. BEN ANDERSON: Well, I guess
that the CO just wanted to present a very rosy picture. If they turned up, and they hear
that there’s child abuse, murder, drug– kidnapping all going on,
then the whole PR stunt has failed miserably. [MUSIC PLAYING] [LAUGHTER] -The government is
right behind you. -Thank you. Thank you. NIC HAILEY: Thank
you very much. Thank you. We’re very committed to
our relationship. -Hopefully [INAUDIBLE] Helmand and Kabul. -This is a small gift
of local citizens. BEN ANDERSON: So this is a
peace jirga that doesn’t involve the enemy. Only involves one side. And nothing was announced
or decided. I mean, the idea of a jirga is
people with opposing views come together, thrash it out,
and reach a consensus. JAMES CUNNINGHAM: I am here
today to come with the chairman of the High Peace
Council, Salahuddin Rabbani. He’s attending a peace
jirga here, an important event in Sangin. And I’ve been wanting to come
here for some time. This is my first visit to
Sangin, and I’ve been very impressed by what I’ve
seen so far. JAMES CUNNINGHAM: I don’t know
that we’d promised the Afghans that the country would be
rid of the Taliban. We’ve always understood, I
think, that there’s no way to end an insurgency, this
insurgency, through military means, especially since the
leadership enjoys its presence in Pakistan. So the prospect or the job is
not to rid Afghanistan of the Taliban, but to create a way
so that the insurgency ends and Afghanistan is secured. The Afghan security forces are
responsible for security lead over 75% of the population now
today, and that process will continue until they are in the
lead for the entire country. We have developed now a way to
move forward that will make Afghans responsible increasingly
for their own future and for their
own security and their own processes. And that is as it should be. I think post-2014, we can’t
really tell what will happen. The door is open, as I said
earlier, to a reconciliation process that will bring Taliban
back into Afghanistan if they choose to
take that path. And for our part, we intend
to continue assistance and partnership with the Afghans
going forward, if they wish. NIC HAILEY: We’re here today
to support the peace jirga here in Sangin, which is a
gathering of several hundred of the most important tribal
leaders from around this area to talk about peace and
reconciliation. I think peace involves people
making hard choices. And I think it’s about the
choices that people make, not about what label they
are carrying now. If the Taliban choose that they
want to participate in politics in Afghanistan, if
they choose to renounce violence, if they choose to
take part in elections in choosing of people’s leaders,
then any group that makes those choices can be part
of a settlement here. If they don’t make those
choices, if they set themselves up against the Afghan
state, then they won’t be part of the process. I think it’s as simple
as that. BEN ANDERSON: A few years ago,
I think we would have said, the Taliban are finished in
Afghanistan and will never again control the lives
of Afghans in any way. NIC HAILEY: I think we’ve always
been open to the idea that people who want to take
part in politics in this country who respect the
constitution, who respect the rights of people, have a right
to take part in politics in this country, just as in
any other country. BEN ANDERSON: I think I can
speak with confidence when I say that if you asked a lot of
local people here who are the bad guys in this area, they
would say the police, rather than the Taliban. How can you change that
perception in a fairly short amount of time? NIC HAILEY: I’m not
sure I agree with that perception, Ben. I think, again, talking to the
Marines who are here who are out on patrol with those
policemen every day, they say that the attitude of the Afghan
population here in Sangin has changed hugely
over the last few years. BEN ANDERSON: And then at the
end of the briefing, the helicopter out was delayed
by an hour and a half. So I said to them, go and talk
to Major Steuber for an hour. Just say, this won’t
affect your career. But go and speak to him and
ask him to tell you what’s really going on, just 200
meters down the road. They said, oh, he wouldn’t be
open and frank with us like he is with you. And they went and had a cup of
tea with their bodyguards instead, walked back on the
helicopter, and left. But you literally walk 200
meters out of the main gate, and you’ll see that it’s
not true at all. The exact opposite is true. So ISAF put out a statement
after this saying, the diplomats visited the once
insurgent hotbed of Sangin and saw first-hand the progress
being made there, which I think was the point of going
there, really, not to actually talk to guys like
Major Steuber. And certainly not to
talk to these guys. These guys are the elected
local officials. And the British are very proud,
they created this local council elected by 2,000
residents of Sangin. But I spent a whole day with
them, and not one of them had a single good thing
to say about what we’ve achieved there. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] EDDY MORETTI: That’s
pretty bad. BEN ANDERSON: And if anyone
would be pro foreign intervention, it would
be those guys, elected local officials. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: Before that
briefing had happened, Major Steuben knew that three young
boys had been shot dead on police patrol bases. All three of them were chai
boys, so young boys who had been abducted by the police
commanders and were used as servants– they served tea–
but also sex slaves. They were raped by the
police commanders. And you see them
on every base. You see several boys, sometimes
in uniform, sometimes not, but
13, 14 years old. It’s a very common
practice there. Three of them had been shot
dead by the police, one possibly by another chai boy. Nobody’s quite sure. And he’s just found out that a
fourth boy has been shot at point blank range in the leg
for trying to escape. And I was there, so he let me
follow him to meet the acting police chief and confront
him about this. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: Yesterday, we had
unfortunate news come in. A young boy, about 13, maybe
14 years of age, was shot. Now, there’s a couple things on
there that you and I have talked about. We’ve had all the PB commanders
in this very room about having young boys
and civilians on PBs. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] TRANSLATOR: I have mentioned
it more than 20 times. BILL STEUBER: I know. I know. Why was there a boy
on that PB? Why– what did that commander
say to you? QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: He’s saying the
boys want to be there. Which begs the question,
well, why would they be trying to escape? And in one case, one of them
tried to poison the policeman so that he could escape. And that’s what led
to him being shot. BILL STEUBER: We cannot
have children in PBs. We can’t have children even
wearing uniforms. But this one was yesterday. It’s against the law. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So this meeting
went on for an hour and a half, two hours. And as you can see, he’s not
interested in stopping this practice and doesn’t really seem
to think there’s anything wrong with this practice. BILL STEUBER: Let’s do this. Let’s get together and go out
there and get these kids out of these PBs and get them
back to their families. We’ll go in there early
in the morning. We’ll start going from
PB to PB to PB. And if they’ve got kids in there
in the morningtime, then we know that they’ve probably
stayed there overnight. We’ll free the kids, and we’ll
arrest the PB commanders. BEN ANDERSON: Eventually, maybe
to wrap up the meeting, he says, OK, I agree. We’ll go out. We’ll do a raid first thing
in the morning. I’m going to arrest these
commanders who are keeping chai boys. So Major Steuber thought he had
made a real breakthrough. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: I have things that
I could do to help you. You and I are in a position
right now to change this situation in this city. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: If you do this,
people will know that you are somebody who stands for
justice in this area. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: Let’s do this. OK? I’m serious. QHATTAB KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So Major Steuber
walked out of that meeting thinking this operation was
going to happen, thinking they were going to turn up there
first in the morning and arrest these guys. A few hours later, he got
a call on the radio. Can’t do it. Operation’s canceled. And to this day, no operation
has taken place to even question the police
commanders. EDDY MORETTI: How rampant
is this chai boy thing? BEN ANDERSON: Well, one of his
men, who cares less about this than he does, said to me, try
finding a police commander who doesn’t fuck young boys. Most of the patrol bases the
British and Americans fought so hard to establish have been
abandoned or handed over to the Afghans. Major Steuber, he’s bolstered
because the actual police chief has returned, a guy
called Ghuli Khan. And eight days into his job as
police chief of Sangin, he had just gone on hajj unannounced
and disappeared for 2 and 1/2 months. He’s been accused of keeping
chai boys in the past and been accused of corruption but said
he’s come back a new man. And Major Steuber really
thought he could make a difference. BILL STEUBER: There’s been
some things going on here since you’ve left that are
really driving a wedge between the police and the community. The biggest one going on site
was that thus far, you’ve had three children, young
teenagers– BILL STEUBER: There was one
boy killed in this PHQ. There was another boy killed
with a PKM across in [INAUDIBLE]. And we just had a 13-year-old
boy shot through the leg at [INAUDIBLE]. And there’s a fourth unconfirmed
report of a boy who serves tea. Up at [INAUDIBLE], there was a
fight between two PBs, and the boy that they were fighting
over, we have reports that he was shot in the face
and killed. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: We definitely
have to focus on these, because you can do 100 good
things and then have a policeman go and do something
like that, and the community, all they focus on is
the one bad thing. So I know that’s an
uncomfortable issue. And I know that’s nothing that
you would ever allow to have in your PBs. But that’s what’s
been happening here in your absence. TRANSLATOR:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BILL STEUBER: I also say that,
this is also something else that’s very good. These are all the patrolmen
who are ready for academy. BEN ANDERSON: This really gave
a feeling of optimism. He was sending 20 men off to
Lashkar Gah, the provincial capital, to get proper
training. They were going to come back
professional policemen. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: The day after they
went to Lashkar Gah for police training, six of them
got sent back because they failed the drugs test. So that was a Marine sweeping
the ground behind– EDDY MORETTI: Behind
the dudes walking. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah. Which sums up the situation
perfectly there. This was an operation to find an
IED factory that the police had got intelligence about. It turned out to be a derelict
building with one old Chinese rocket hidden in the corner,
which they got out. And then Ghuli Khan arrived
to give a speech to the local elders. His message was pretty
amazing. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] EDDY MORETTI: It’s kind of
really pathetic and fucked up. I mean, aren’t these people
just exhausted from years of this shit? BEN ANDERSON: But that’s
why they’re not going to pick sides. That’s why they’re just going to
try and have a quiet, easy life by being nice to whoever’s
in their backyard day to day. And at the minute, these guys,
and certainly us, are leaving very soon. The Taliban aren’t
going anywhere. So the idea they’re going to
stand up to the Taliban on their own is ridiculous. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: He’s saying that
despite this national army that’s been created, this
national police force that’s created, you’re on your own. And you need to not work, not
leave your village, and stay here and stop the Taliban from
entering your homes and firing from your homes. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: Supposedly, the
police and the army are there to protect these people from the
Taliban or at least drive a wedge between the people
and the Taliban. And he’s saying, defend
yourselves. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] EDDY MORETTI: Do you think any
of them might be Taliban as well, sitting there? BEN ANDERSON: Yeah. It wouldn’t surprise
me at all. Taliban aren’t this outside,
foreign, evil force that have come in. Most of the Taliban fight,
allegedly, within walking distance of their homes. There’s always some Taliban
there, always. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -That’s all you get. BEN ANDERSON: This was the third
Afghan Army operation that I followed. And it was very tense because
the guy who I pointed out earlier who fled with
loads of weapons– EDDY MORETTI: Yeah, the guy that
was firing like crazy. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah. One of Hamid Khan’s men was
arrested a few days ago with loads of weapons and a
lot of ammunition. And he was planning to kill a
number of the Afghan soldiers. He had three accomplices
who didn’t flee. And no one knew if they were
still planning on doing it. EDDY MORETTI: Double
agents or– BEN ANDERSON: This day, everyone
was really, even more than normal, watching
their backs. So everyone’s on the lookout. -If you think that he’s starting
to hold his soldiers back because we’re here,
let me know. Because I don’t want him to hold
his soldiers back because we’re here. [GUNFIRE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: In this operation,
they’ve got two local informers who they’ve
dressed up in army uniform, put balaclavas on, actually gave
them weapons later on. And they’re sweeping through a
village, and they just point out who they say are Taliban. And those guys get arrested. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] EDDY MORETTI: Is that a common
practice or a technique? BEN ANDERSON: Yeah, fairly. But the problem with that is
people can just point out their local rivals, rather
than actual Taliban. The other problem with that is
even if they’re genuinely Taliban, most of the people who
get arrested and detained get released because of money
paid to the right people or connections. The informer said this
man was the former Taliban general governor. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [RADIO CHATTER] GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: What often happens
is they get sent to Lashkar Gah, the capital, but
the prosecutor just throws it out for lack of evidence,
because there’s– EDDY MORETTI: There
is no evidence. BEN ANDERSON: There
is no evidence. It was claimed to me–
and again, I don’t know how true it is. It was claimed to me that the
police haven’t prosecuted a single successful case
in two years. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So we’ve now got
to start walking in the footsteps of the man in front
of us because this is the first band of IEDs that Afghan
soldiers have to walk through to get to the village that
they want to clear out. It’s a road covered in
pebbles, so it’s very easy to hide IEDs. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [MINE SWEEPER SQUEALING] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [EXPLOSION] -Fucker! -Ah, no problem, yeah. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [MIND SWEEPER SQUEALING] -OK. BEN ANDERSON: The focus of the
operation became to remove this white flag, the flag
of the Taliban, not a flag of surrender. And it’s within view of one
of the patrol bases. So all they wanted to do was
take down this flag. And they had a few funny ideas
about how to do it. -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -You should. -The flag needs to come down. I agree. HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] -[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] HAMID KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So I think they
did nine IEDs in about an hour, which is unbelievably
quick. GHULI KHAN:
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] BEN ANDERSON: So meanwhile, back
at headquarters, Major Steuber is still wrestling
with the same terrible problems. BILL STEUBER: We’ve built
this PHQ here. We’ve got four towers, and we’ve
got a generator, and we’ve got a pump and gates
and concertina wire. But– [ECHOING] BILL STEUBER: –it’s empty. There’s no fuel here. And because of that, because
of this simple logistical need, they can’t get out. They’ve got 34 patrol bases
from all the way to the southern Green Zone all the way
to the northern Green Zone that they can’t get out to. If there’s anything that’s out
there that’s going to really jeopardize the security here,
it’s not going to be a lack of fighting well. It’s going to be something
as simple as this. Not having any fuel to be
able to get anywhere. Where the fuel comes into
is Lashkar Gah, which is generally a two-hour
drive away. And the southern part of the
southern Green Zone there, known as the page
area, is still controlled by the Taliban. So you can’t get a fuel
truck up here. It’s just too dangerous for them
to bring that much fuel to try and come up here and
refuel their tanks and refuel their vehicles. So what they have to do is they
have to sell the fuel down there in Lashkar Gah. And they sell the fuel, and
any time you start selling fuel or selling those types of
things, you open the door for corruption to be able to
enter into the process. And unfortunately, this
particular PHQ used to get about 20,000 liters
every month. And the spigot has literally
been turned off on them. BILL STEUBER: I don’t
remember the number. It’s nearly $1 million
worth of fuel. So whatever US $1 million
will buy in fuel. BEN ANDERSON: The government
of Kabul was saying because the police are stealing so much
fuel, we’re no longer going to give it to them. So they can’t move. They can’t go anywhere. There was a big fight the
night before, and they couldn’t get to it, because
they had no petrol. And the thing is, they just
assumed that the Marines would bail them out and give them
their petrol, which the Marines are now saying, it’s not
working like that anymore. You are on your own now. EDDY MORETTI: Right. So they’ve been stealing it for
years and getting it off the Americans, and now the
Americans have cut them off. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah. BILL STEUBER: We had a long
discussion with Sergeant Matine today about how somebody
goes about getting a commission within the AUP. He said it costs about 50,000
afghani, which is closer to US $1,000 to be able to get the
bribes paid in Lashkar Gah. And then it’s another US $4,000
to get bribes paid within MOI in Kabul, be able to
get them into the academy. So in order to become an
officer, just even a basic lieutenant here, costs $5,000. So that’s quite a steep
price for an Afghan. BILL STEUBER: No. No, not by that timeline. These are serious logistical
issues. And the difference being that
other militaries have educated people that are working
very complex systems. And this is a very
complex system. This right here, this generator
right here is a very complex piece of machinery. They don’t have the technical
know-how to be able to operate this and run it. They don’t have the systems or
organizational know-how to be able to get fuel through a
distribution center to be able to fill up this tank. I only have basically five
months to be able to teach them how to do this stuff. And then the next team’s going
to come in, and then we’re going to spend a month trying
to get– they’re going to learn with the AO for
another month. And then they’re going to have
their time here driving the bus, so to speak. And they still have
to learn all this process and how it goes. So our actual amount of time
that we have contact with them to be able to one, understand
their system and then be able to coach them through it and
help them be able to request the supplies and be able to have
a functioning logistical section, it’s a complicated
task for anybody. And makes it even more
complicated when you have a police force whose officers
can’t read or write. They can’t communicate
on paper. I mean, if everything’s
done by cell phone, there’s no tracking. There’s no record keeping. The system becomes wide open for
corruption, exploitation. You look on the roof of the
building right there. You can see the solar panels
that are up there. But when you go up there, and
you look at the solar panels, you see that they’re not really
connected to anything. And when you ask them, well,
where does this go? Who put this in here? They can’t answer
those questions. They don’t know how it works. And I’ve got policemen
on my team. I’ve got an administrative
officer. But I don’t have any solar panel
experts to be able to help them fix that out. So it’s left to guys like myself
and my team to try and figure out how to hook up solar
panels and tie it into an electrical structure
at a PHQ. BEN ANDERSON: The whole policy
is designed as if everyone was educated, literate, there was a
permanent police force there for years, as if the Taliban
were no longer a problem, as if everybody wanted little
girls to go to school. And it’s all a fantasy for 10,
20 years down the road. None of the things that need
to be in place now are anywhere near in place. BILL STEUBER: That antenna right
there, every time I walk by it, I think, if that’s not a
symbol for what we’re trying to do here, I don’t
know what is. I mean, it’s a functioning
radio tower. It’s standing on its own. It’s twisted and bent and
held up with strings. But it’s there, and it works. And hopefully it’ll still
be there after 2014. BEN ANDERSON: Pretty much every
day there was a major blow to Major Steuber. Something really bad happened
that he hadn’t seen coming. In this case, there was a deputy
police commander who he was sure had tortured detainees
and had chai boys himself that everyone thought
had been retired– politely fired. Suddenly, he appeared
again on the base. BILL STEUBER: Any time you
think you got this place figured out, something else’ll
come up around the corner that you weren’t expecting. I had been assured by the DG. I had been assured by people
at provincial that that guy was going to be gone, and I
wasn’t going have to worry about him, that he was going
to be prosecuted for crimes against the people
of this country. But he’s still here. Although he looks a little bit
more humble than he was a few days ago, he’s still here. And I don’t know what I’m
going to do about that. But he is away. He’s out of the driver’s
seat for right now. Ghuli Khan’s back. And that gives me hope. Because if you have people
like Ghuli Khan– even though he’s had
a checkered past. He’s no saint by any means. You saw today, he’s working
with the [INAUDIBLE]. And the guy that’s sitting
across the table from him right there, right now, that was
one of the guys that was telling the [INAUDIBLE] that– him and the CID officer were
telling him, I’m going to kill you if you come over here. I’m going to kill you if you
try and prosecute people. BILL STEUBER: I don’t know. I don’t know. I mean, the case on that guy
is pretty open and shut, if you ask me. But apparently, somebody
at MOI– BEN ANDERSON: So Ghuli Khan
returns and brings this slight sense of cautious optimism. A few weeks after I
left, he was fired for no apparent reason. He was replaced by an illiterate
24-year-old who the Marines were told had paid the
right bribes to people in the government in Kabul. I came in a few nights after
this to the little area where they sit down and have coffee. And he was just laying on his
back with his eyes closed, and I thought he was asleep. He had got a call, and four kids
had tried to pick up an old Chinese rocket, I think,
right by the bazaar. And it had gone off. And– EDDY MORETTI: They all died. BEN ANDERSON: Yeah,
the four died. And again, it wasn’t
reported anywhere. I didn’t read about
it anywhere. But he had had to go and
pick up the kids. EDDY MORETTI: How many Marines
do you think there are like Major Steuber that are
torn like that, that know the truth? BEN ANDERSON: That’s a big thing
that’s no one’s talking about is you’ve got hundreds of
thousands coming back and hearing these statements,
knowing it’s utter bullshit, and I’m sure are coming back to
all kinds of psychological problems and seriously
demoralized. At least four guys I’ve met in
Afghanistan have committed suicide since they got back. I really expected to have some
problems with some of the guys I was with. Not one so far has said,
you’re cynical, you’re pessimistic. They’ve all said, yeah, we all
know that the game is up. That’s all you hear now is it’s
a success because 75%, 80%, 90% of the country is now
in the hands of the Afghan security forces. Let’s not talk about what those security forces are like. Let’s not talk about
their behavior. The fact they’re in
the lead and we’re coming home is success. Taliban attacks are up. Civilian casualties are up. Fatalities for the Afghan
soldiers and police are up. 310 a month is the latest
estimate, every month. If that’s not civil war already,
I don’t know what is. And you get the impression these
guys aren’t going to last, either. I mean, certainly, when they’re
on their own, they’re not going to last. I spoke to a few Afghan friends
who come from here and said, what do you think is going
to happen to these guys after we really leave? They said, half will
join the Taliban. The other half will
just vanish. A lot people are saying that
it hasn’t worked the way we want it to in Afghanistan. They’re blaming on
the Afghans. Oh, they always fight
each other. Oh, it’s just tribal rivalries,
you know. I don’t think that’s
true at all. I think there was a chance. We could’ve got it right. But we put the worst people
straight back into power after the bombing campaign because
of the rush to get to Iraq. And it’s our fault that it
hasn’t worked out now. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Another Book I Made as a Kid

Another Book I Made as a Kid


So I was cleaning my room the other day, and I found this book behind one of my drawers. Like, all the way in the back. It’s probably been there for years. I had completely forgotten all about it. But as soon as I saw it, I had all these repressed memories come rushing back. Ahhhh… This would make a good video… This is one of those books you make in grade school and you get it made into a real book so your family can buy copies. I’ve already made a video about a book I made in fourth grade, but this is a book I made in second grade. And it’s not one where we got to write a whole story with action, suspense, and kidney failures, no. We only had to write one page and draw a picture. Yeah, you’d think I wouldn’t mess this up, wouldn’t you. But here we go. The book was called, “Our Gift to the World”, and it had a picture of everyone in the class on the cover. And, interestingly enough, here’s itty-bitty TJ right here. My twin sister, Faith, from the Preparatory School video is here, and even Wesley from the first video is here. So, can you guess who I am? Let’s remove some of the obvious ones. I’m this one! Okay… I know I’m not the only one with an embarrassing photo, but come on. I’m not even smiling. Ughhh… and it only gets worse. Everyone had to write their gift to the world. What they would do to make the world a better place. Here’s what most pages looked like. And here’s what TJ wrote: “My gift to the world would be peace. I would babysit everyone’s baby. For the lord has said, ‘let there be peace’. I would also do their chores.” *Laughter* Also, what is going on in your picture? I think that’s a person? And is that the sun? And who would let a second grader babysit their baby? Okay, so everyone’s talking about peace and homeless people and stuff, and here’s how second grade James would do good in the world. What will you give to the world? I would be a troop of a war. Yeah, I’d kill people. That’s how I’d help. I can also bring food for a war. I can even risk my life for another troop. I can be a nurse to help others. But the best part of all of this… is the picture. Here is what I drew, and here is what Faith drew. Obviously, you can see who’s the more artistic one in the family. Now let me try to explain what’s going on in this picture. Because… if the teacher knew what I actually drew, she would have definitely called my parents. So, I drew my people in a very weird way back then. I had a circle, face, then I added arms, and legs, and hair. Boom! Ssssso… The good guys are colored in red. And the bad guys are the orange, purple, and yellow ones. The red guys are standing back to back. …Killing everyone. This guy is holding a sword! …For some reason. And this guy is holding a gun. And it shoots three bullets. And if we look at where the bullets are going, we see one shooting a purple guy, an orange guy hiding in a tree, and a yellow guy, who is very dead. I think. And at the bottom of the tree, there’s a crocodile, and the purple, yellow, and orange guys are trying to climb up the tree to get away. But the branch is falling. So he’s sad. ‘Cause he’s going to die. Up here, we have some birds. These black lines are birds. Because we all know, birds are just really long M’s. So these birds we see are dropping the bad guys. And I guess these three birds are carrying the bad guys away? And you know how everyone draws a sun in the corner of the page? Well, I did. …But the sun is actually eating the bad guys. Which is a very sad way to die, if you ask me, getting eaten by the sun. And I remember, even as a second grader, being super embarrassed when the teacher read it out to the class. So I guess when I brought it home, I hid it behind my drawer so I’d never have to see it again. Except my grandparents got copies.

I’m Gay – Eugene Lee Yang

I’m Gay – Eugene Lee Yang


*Breathing noises* *Intense music* *Music intensifies* *Intense music* *Vocalizing with music* *Intense music* *Beat comes in with more vocalizing* *Dance Music* *Music stops*

Why We Started Our Own Company

Why We Started Our Own Company


Zach: In April, I left my job at BuzzFeed after working there for four years. The next day I started a company with my three best friends and boy, oh boy, has it been a fucked up two months (laughs) Ned: This is the story of how we left BuzzFeed. You thought we were gonna say WHY we left? Well… we’ll touch on that later. Keith: We decided we should make a company, and for the most part I think it was a good decision! Eugene: Collectively, we decided it was just time to try something else Keith: You know, we’ve grown, we’ve learned a lot. We’re smart little babies. Eugene: And that involves this new production company out of Ned’s old house. Ned: We are in what used to be my bedroom, now it is a studio. Zach: Where was your child made? Point my finger. Ned: It’s a little weird… (intro) Keith: At early, early 20- What year is it? (laugh) Feels like it could be 2020 at this point. Zach: The past two months.. Keith: –Last two months have been very stressful. [head banging]
Keith: Don’t do that. Don’t do that… Eugene: You get on a roller coaster. It’s just a constant descent, like there’s no up. It’s just down. [screaming] Ned: You want the truth? Keith: Today is the day before we launch everything! Ned: Please subscribe! I–I hope you’re a subscriber… Click subscribe! It’s a new channel, it’s different… Zach: If you’re watching this, that means we did it! When I’m filming this, I am only filled with worry, and doubt, and fear and sometimes excitement! But mostly fear… What have we gotten ourselves into? Keith: We’re–I don’t know if we’re launching. Ned: I bought my first house. I renovated my first house. I had a baby I’m starting my own business. Four massive life changes! Eugene: When it rains it pours, Ned decided he just wanted to dump a hurricane on his life.. Ned: Oh God [baby screaming] shh, shh Keith: I think it didn’t even strike me until last week, I’m like, “Why does everybody keep asking ME questions?” OH, because I’m supposed to have the answers… Keith: (screaming) That’s my job! Keith: We agreed that we were all going to put our money into a company, start it together. Going to a Chase Bank, we’re all pouring a bunch of our money into this company to hope that it doesn’t fail. We all invested 25 percent each… Ned: I won’t say a number but it’s certainly more than I’m comfortable with… Zach: Small business owners motherfucker! (laughs) Ned: I took out a second mortgage on my house. Keith: Yeah, yeah. It’s a lot.. Eugene: We saw the cliff and we jumped right over it, but we think we have a parachute. Keith: We’re almost done setting up our new company bank account, and Zach is playing a video game on his phone. Keith: Zach is 12. Ned: How are you gonna make money, and how much money gon’ cost to make that money? Luckily, I love spreadsheets! I like doing spreadsheets. Maybe this part’s not that interesting…I find it fascinating. Zach Off-Camera: Nerd! Eugene: We decided to start a Patreon to give you the opportunity to support us directly and to raise funds for our new channel. Really excited to have a more open, direct relationship with you and you can get exclusive access to a lot of really cool Try Guys things. Keith: Try again… (laughter) Ned: So we quit our jobs, we start our company, and then it comes to our first shoot day! Ned: Give me power! POWER! Power…Oh it’s not plugged into the wall…goddammit Zach: But when we actually pulled the trigger, a whole bunch of bullshit came our way. We are all set up, this is actually the first thing we are shooting. We uh, definitely, you know, don’t have everything we need to do this right, but we’re gonna– Ariel: We’re gonna figure it out! Zach and Ned: –attempt. (laughter) Zach: Alright, let’s roll some cameras, huh? [Everyone cheering] Ned: AND THEN.. my wife goes into labor. Zach: Ned’s baby came three and a half weeks early. Doctor: Only about five percent come on that due date. Keith: What’s the point of the date?? Ned: Whoa, that was unexpected! They should have gave me a due month.. Doctor: Yeah, that’s a better idea.. Zach: We had this whole schedule planned out where we were gonna like film all these videos, and THEN Ned’s baby was gonna come and then we could edit. Had to throw all that out the window! Keith: And then, two days later, Eugene was cast in a movie! Eugene: I am on my way to Texas, to appear in my first feature film. It’s kind of the best thing about being independent is that I can finally work on all the projects that I wanted to do so there’s going to be a lot of producing, directing, and acting for all four of us. Keith: So somehow, Keith and Zach were in charge of the company. Keith: Oh my god, what are you doing? What are you doing? Zach: I’m making a standing desk. Ned: While I was… learning how to be a dad Keith: Don’t put this on this nice table! Ned: Keith and Zach were learning how to run a company. Zach: It’s not that nice of a table. Eugene: I have full confidence that Zach and Keith can hold the fort down. Zach: It’s our first standing desk! Keith: You look ridiculous Zach: YOU look ridiculous. Eugene: I think that they’re gonna do a really great job. Keith: You can’t just keep stacking furniture to fill your needs, Zach. Zach: What do you think, Ned? Keith (imitating Ned): Umm… I don’t know guys… Ned: We quickly realized there were a lot of resources and support that we had working for a big company, that you don’t have when you’re completely by yourself. Keith: Right now we have a couch. We have a totally barren kitchen. We got a bag on a knob. Zach: We had a day without toilet paper! (whisper) Those were dark times.. Keith: This is where we’re working for the next couple months. Zach: Leaving to start our own company, I thought it’d be glamorous. So this has just been here for days. It was not that! Keith: I’m taking out the trash. Zach: First of all, I don’t throw away trash in my own house. Keith: It’s exactly what I thought it would be.. I’m a digital media maker, I make videos for the internet! You’re watching a video of me chopping up garbage! Both of us are in the weird place in our lives. It wasn’t even OUR garbage, it was NED’S garbage! Ned had a baby, so you gotta pull a little extra weight for the family man. Ned: Oh god.
(baby crying) shh shh Zach: I guess Ned just left stuff here… Some nerf guns, a board with names. What other cool shit does Ned have in his house? Let’s go look! What is– It’s an envelope that says “For Ned’s Eyes Only”? Zach: Okay, there’s some cool shit in here, But I’m gonna pretend I didn’t look in there, and then maybe we’ll see if Ned is willing to show us. Okay, Zach: Eugene! Ready to get back to work Eugene: Yeah, I’m ready to fucking do this!… [Keith patting his lap] Eugene: You’re so dumb.. How long were you-? How long did you keep Keith here though? Did he just sit here? Zach: He was here for two weeks! Keith (in crying voice): I’ve been waiting here so long! Zach: As of today, the four of us have an office! Ned: Ayye! Keith: Ned and Eugene are back in the fold, now our little office looks like an office! [screaming] Ned: What’s up everybody?! These are our PA’s Kasiemobi and Miles. Ned: Okay, alright Our editor Devlin, our production coordinator, our producer Rachel. That’s our studio. We got a printer, we got videos! We got pre pro for July…whaaat? Eugene: We’ve just been filming, working, non-stop. [screaming, indistinct noises] Keith: Aw, my face! [screaming continues] Keith: Hi everyone [screaming continues] Keith: It’s certainly the most stressed…that I’ve ever been…in general. Eugene: (sigh) I don’t know how we’re gonna do this Keith: It is…a week from when we’re we’re supposed to launch our channel. Ned: We are all busting our asses for this launch. We’re staying up late, we’re coming in early. Eugene: We’ve just been trying to front-load as many videos as possible because frequency and consistency is very important. Zach: Honestly when people leave the office, I’m like, “Oh, finally I can get something done” Keith: There’s been several times where Zach and I have been here until midnight or… Zach: We don’t like making shitty videos We like making good videos and if that means that we have to stay up late…forever. Keith: Ned’s been working over the weekend editing with his baby in his hands. Ned: Definitely distracting [baby coos] Mwah mwah mwah Keith: Eugene pulling–Eugene, like, doesn’t sleep sometimes Eugene: Ugh.. Camera Person: Have you slept? Eugene: I haven’t slept in 3 days! So… Eugene: Our channel launch is coming up. But we’re also closing out VidCon with this huge live performance. It’s just so much at one time. Keith: When you’re working from 7:00 in the morning until 9:30 at night some days. It’s just like You don’t have a lot left. Eugene: My biggest fear’s that we’re gonna be sacrificing quality, that we want to keep up, for all the quantity that we have to do I guess the whole point of doing this is trying to create a foundation for something bigger, right? Zach: It’s like one of those — there’s like a triangle and it’s like, choose two. You can make a lot of videos good videos, or uhh be a sane normal person. I guess (pop) Choosing those two Keith: And it’s hard, but we’re doing it somehow Ned: Right now on the eve of our launch is the exact most stressful time. Keith: Oh, I’m so anxious about making a mistake Eugene: There were a lot of times I was having panic attacks. Zach: This is a risk. Keith: What if they think we’ve gotten too weird cause we’ve gotten a little weirder. Ned: Right now, I’m really feeling the pressure Eugene: So it is the… very late night Ned and Eugene: The eve before our launch Keith: The eve of the channel launch! Eugene: We’ve worked really really really hard to look like we haven’t worked hard at all Eugene: We haven’t had time to celebrate and we don’t have champagne, but we did have Miller High Life which is the champagne of beers. Zach: Months and months of work. Ned: It’s kind of like our whole lives have been building up to this moment All: To The Try Guys! Zach: I- I hope you’re as excited about this as I am because I’m really excited. And I-I think you’re gonna really like it. And in the morning, we’ll see if…anyone Ned: It was all worth it… Zach: Guess what I just did? Ned: What? Zach: Just became our first subscriber! Woooo! Ned: We got Zach! Zach: Why I left BuzzFeed is really THIS. The whole time we felt like there was more that we could be doing and giving to you. And now’s that time. We’ve launched for an hour and a half. We already have 16,000 subscribers, this is crazy. Keith: We didn’t leave to do the Try Guys for a year, We left BuzzFeed to make the Try Guys company for that to be our career It’s the morning of the launch now, we got- we got 21,000 people and they’re all like, “Yay I’m excited for the channel, I’m so excited!” It’s crazy Eugene: I’m just really excited to be able to work with my friends in a capacity that challenges our creativity We just hit 35,000 subscribers. Gosh, so grateful for everyone who wants to continue seeing us work together Pesto, you look like you’re growing out of my head. Look at how (laughs) Ned: I’m surrounded by my best friends and people that I trust 46,000, you just keep refreshing and it keeps growing! Yes! Eugene: The best part of it is we get to share that experience with all of you. Zach: When we woke up this morning, we had 200,000 subscribers. To be able to make more videos than we’ve ever been able to make before, to have a community just for you Ned: We checked, and it, like, suddenly updated, and it’s half a million people! Zach: And to be able to go on this journey with my three best friends Keith: What’s up Jake Paul? Eugene: We can now be truly, unabashedly, wholly ourselves [Keith making weird noises, as Keith does] Ned: There’s no holding back because this ours! We own that light! Keith: What’s really cool about this channel is that we’re experimenting a lot. Eugene: Lot of surprises that the audience is not going to expect NED: Over a million subscribers! *cheering* NED: Oh my god. Open it, yes, yes, you can open it, you can open it Zach: We’re not just making the Try Guys, we’re making new shows, we hope to make seasons of those new shows that live right here. *group awwing* Keith: It’s old memorabilia! Zach: Everyone take one! Zach: It’s things that will go to other places. Eugene: Film and TV and live shows Zach: We’re talking about going on tour. We’re making merchandise!? There’s just gonna be so much. There’s so much to be excited about and I… ugh, I can’t wait. Eugene: I’m sure you got a pump up from Ned. Ned: New channel! Get amped! Get with it! Let’s do this! Come on baby! Try Guys for life! Whoo! Also, please subscribe cause I have a baby and I need to feed it. (outro) Keith: We got a subscriber right here. Becky: Subscriber!!!
Keith: Whoo!! Not all of our subscribers can sleep in the same bed as me. Becky: Smash the subscribe. Keith: Smash that subscribe, hit that – ring that bell, ring that bell.

Real Life Merman Exhibit

Real Life Merman Exhibit


– Today, I become a Merman.
– Let’s talk about that. ♪ (theme music) ♪ – Good Mythical Morning.
– When you’re an internetainer, you gotta prepare for the day when no one cares
enough to click on you anymore, it’s what you do. And as you know, we’ve been
goin’ out into the world to search for what else we might be good at, with a little help
from our friends over at: Geico! – It’s time to take another field trip.
– This time around we turn to the deep blue sea, and experience working at an aquarium. – It’s time for: Together – The Backup Plan! ♪ (fun beach music) ♪
– This week we headed down to the aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach, California
to see if there were any job openings. – As a guy who can hold his breath for a
really long time, I’m definitely cut out for any job that’s underwater.
– And…I’m his friend. Check that out.
– Oh, they got a coffee shop. – Hey! I’m talking about the whale.
– (laughs) Oh, is that real? – First job on our list was Mammalogist.
– Our mission, to make a connection with a sea lion. – Welcome to the Aquarium of the Pacific,
and our wonderful seal and sea lion exhibit! – Thanks for having us.
– Yeah. Where are the sea lions and seals? – Megan’s going to bring Harpo in who is
one of our eight year old male California Sea Lions.
– He sounds big. – Well, actually he’s one of our smaller
animals. Parker is our largest, weighing in at about 800 pounds.
– Whoa. – So when we’re working with animals that
are nice and large like that, you develop a trust relationship with them.
– Should I be afraid? – No. Don’t be afraid.
– What if I’m already afraid? (laughs)
– Then, hold it deep inside. – Just look like you don’t care. Just
don’t even look, don’t make eye contact. – Be aloof. That’s your aloof face?
– Pfffft. – Let’s meet some people!
– Oh my goodness. – Hi! Come on in! Harpo, can you wave Hi?
– Well hello, Harpo. – Hey!
– So we have different behaviors, like the lift… – Whoa.
– …which is a sea lion push-up. – I can’t do that.
– Whoa, he just…whoa! – Now, does he think that’s funny?
– Have you ever had a sea lion kiss before? – I’ve been on some interesting dates but…
– I’m actually gonna switch spots with you, I’m gonna have you kneel down, ’cause
you need to be on his level. – And tongue or no tongue?
– No tongue. This is the first time you’re meeting him. – Okay. Alright.
– So you’re gonna look forward… – And then pucker?
– Look forward. – Am I kissing you or him?
– (laughter) No you are not kissing me. – (talking to Harpo) Kiss! Kiss!
– Oh my goodness, wow. He’s really holdin’ it in there! – Kiss!
– He said no. – You got it buddy. Kiss!
– He doesn’t wanna kiss him. – He doesn’t like the beard. He thinks
I’m a threat. – I think it’s more than the beard.
It’s the total package. Purse your lips more. Yeah. Close your eyes.
– Target, target target! Go on, kiss! – Close your eyes.
– Harpo, kiss! – I’m feeling so rejected right now.
– Target! Harpo, kiss! You got it! Good boy, you got it! Kiss! Gettin’ close
but not really. Target! – Lean in, Rhett. Come on, help him out.
– (laughs) – He doesn’t wanna do it. He’s like,
I’m gonna fake kiss that dude with the beard. – This is like Junior Prom and Stephanie
man, all over again. – Well I think we’re going to say goodbye
to Harpo. – Harpo’s bored with us.
– Sorry Harpo, thanks for dissing me. – He waved.
– Next time, we’ll kiss. Now, do you guys have any animals that won’t be scared of
us, and will kiss me? – I think we do have some nice stuffed
animals in the gift shop if you wanna… – Oooh!
– …kiss one of those. (laughter)
– Maybe that will be good practice for you. – Okay, I’ll practice kissing. This won’t
be the first time I’ve practiced kissing on a stuffed animal.
(laughter) ♪ (sea shanty music) ♪
For our next potential job we had to get suited up.
– To be an Aquarist, you not only have to be comfortable with immersing yourself in water,
but also in mortal danger. Hey, I’m Link!
– Hi Link, I’m Rachel. – Hi, Rachel.
– Nice to meet you. – I’m Rhett.
– Hi, Rhett. Nice to meet you. – Alright! So I am an Aquarist here, I work
in shark lagoon. – Are those all your real fingers?
– They are all my real fingers. No prosthetic fingers.
– Can I pull ’em? – You may pull them.
– Not like my grand-dad. – Real?
– These are all real on this hand. – I’ve never been bit by any of the sharks
raised in this exhibit. We will be getting into this little husbandry pool here with this
zebra shark, her name is Verne. – So, you’re gonna get us to feed the shark?
– Exactly. You’re gonna get in. – I don’t wanna get into the lagoon with
the shark. – Are you afraid of sharks?
– Well, no, I’m just human. – What does that have to do with sharks?
-There is a feather floating there. Did you just feed it a chicken? Is that what
we’re about to do? A live chicken. – No, I did not feed it a chicken.
– Okay well, that feather got in there somehow. – She does not eat chickens, it’s not
part of their natural diet. – And, there she is stepping nonchalantly
into a tank with a shark. – Alright, if you guys are ready you’re more
than welcome to come on in. – Does she have teeth?
– She has very, very small teeth. – How big is the mouth?
– Probably like, that big. – Okay, Link, you got any part of your body
that’s burger-sized? – Yeah, yeah. A foot, a hand, chin.
– I’m going for it. ♪ (scary music) ♪
– Okay, it’s suckin’ on my foot. – You’re kidding me. It’s sucking on your foot?
– Yeah, I can’t get a sea lion to kiss my face but I can get a shark to kiss my foot.
– Okay. – Since she’s being a really good girl,
we’re gonna reward her with some fish. (Link making scared noises) I’m freakin’ out.
– I’m just happy that I’m making a friend. – Oh my gosh.
– Would you like to give a shot at feeding? – It’s, it’s, what? Ohhh! The crotch!
– Now I wanna point something out, Rachel. – Mhmm?
– You’re calling it a zebra shark but, it has spots.
– Yeah, that’s a great question. – Who screwed that up?
– Well actually, when zebra sharks are first born they have really dark, black bands
and they look very similar to a zebra stripe pattern.
– Oh. – It’s only as they grow and mature that
those stripes will fade and are replaced by spots. – Hold on, it really likes Link’s crotch.
What does that mean? (laughter)
– Um, I cannot say. – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Rachel!
Rachel! You got the shark upside down! – I do! You wanna give her that piece of food?
(shark makes biting noise) – Whoa!!
(laughter) – You, look at you man! You’re halfway
out of the tank. – Can you assess our potential to be Aquarists?
– Ahh… – Based on this.
– Well, you demonstrated a interest in trying to handle her…
– (laughing) An interest in trying. – (laughter)
– That’s a very sweet way of saying we suck. – You’re a little bit afraid of her but,
I am impressed by your ability to conquer that fear and…
– I wouldn’t say that it’s conquered. – It seems like the whole idea here is, of course,
is to educate, teach people about these animals… – Yes.
– …but it’s also to kind of “wow” them a little bit, right? – Mhm!
– We’ve got a particular idea that we’d like to unleash at the aquarium today. It’s
gonna require me having some time alone. – Mhm.
– And while I’m doing that, Link can do something awesome.
– What else awesome do you have that I can do? – Yeah. I definitely have an
idea for you. – Okay. If it involves getting out of this
tank, I’m ready to do it right now. ♪ (fun beach music) ♪
– What awesome thing was I gonna do next? Octopus pilates? High-fiving a manta ray?
Nope. It was being a shark’s personal chef. – This is called a squid. Does
that look delicious? – No. Just weighin’ some stinky fish.
– Mhmm. – So this is like a multi-vitamin?
– Just put that in. – Is that what that slot in the squid is for?
– Exactly! – It’s for a vitamin.
– It is. – Eugh. Gross. Let’s move on to something
else. I want to be helpful. – Okay, sounds good.
– Preferably in another environment that doesn’t smell like this.
– Okay, that’s fine. Let’s find something else for you to do then.
♪ (epic music) ♪ – So apparently running an aquarium
requires a lot of cleaning. – I’m really sorry I missed out on that part.
– Mhmm. Three hours later…it was time to reveal the aquarium’s newest
and coolest exhibit. You guys are in for a treat because whether
you’ve been here before or this is your first time, this is a brand new exhibit
that no one has ever seen before! No flash photography and no petting
of the um, of the animal. Come on around here, follow
me to the exhibit! ♪ (exciting music) ♪
– Welcome to my exhibit! Well actually, welcome to the trout exhibit!
They stuck me next to the trout again! Ignore the trout! Trout are boring!
We all know trouts are boring! But Mermen are exciting!
– Ladies and Gentlemen, kids of all ages, I present to you, Mericus Manicus.
More commonly known as a Mer-Man. And he is here on loan to us from a wealthy
former NBA player. (laughter) – Do you have any questions, human
children? I speak your language. – What’s your name?
– My name is (silly sounds) but translated into English that’s Trevor. Yes, you, sir.
– Do you shave your chest? – Oh, well, no. I don’t. There’s just
natural fish skin. It’s weird. – Do you have a girlfriend?
– Well yes I do. Her name is (silly sounds) but loosely translated in English, that’s Misty.
– This is ridiculous. – The more that you spend time studying the
Mermen and Mer-Ladies, the more you can begin to tell the differences between them. This
one is prone to fits of rage. – (angrily) Why do you have to bring that up?
Rachel, can you replace this nincompoop? – And that’s how we know…
– (angrily) I don’t have anger issues! I’m sorry children, I see that you’re running. I’m sorry.
– Who are your natural predators? – You would not believe what a school of
shrimp would do to you. They look so innocent. Misty from time to time gives me
some problems, but we’re working through some things. We’re seeing a counselor.
– There’s nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. – No, listen. If you have a problem with
your leg – I mean not that I have got legs or anything – but if I had a problem with
my leg I would go to the doctor. I mean just because I have a problem with my heart
and me and Misty’s relationship doesn’t mean I can’t go to a counselor, right, kids?
– Right. There. You just call it what it is, it’s a therapist.
– It’s a licensed therapist. – Right, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of that.
– The top half of me is just as human as you. We have problems, we deal with them, right? ♪ (fantasy music) ♪ – What’s the verdict, are we in?
– I think it was very cute. Very good job. – So we’re hired?
– Ahhhh… – You wouldn’t pay me to do this?
– I think I’m hired as a custodian and you’re pretty much gonna get a tan.
♪ (ending music) ♪ – It doesn’t look like the aquarium will be
offering us jobs anytime soon. – Take my trident. Whoaaa, you’re
gonna pull me off! We said our goodbyes, and then there was
one last thing I had to do. – Yeah, you didn’t have to shove pills
in a squid and clean up after everybody. – Look what I got.
– I see that. (kisses the stuffed seahorse)
– I’ve been practicing. – Okay, so we’re not gonna be working at
the aquarium, but I will be making appearances all throughout the local
state fairs at the Merman exhibit. A dollar a viewing!
– Step right up! Thanks to Geico for sponsoring this episode. Go to Geico.com where 15 minutes
could save you 15% or more on your car insurance. – And thanks to you for liking, commenting
and subscribing. – You know what time it is. – “Hi, I’m Charlotte from San Francisco, California
and it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality!”
♪ (plays Wheel of Mythicality song) ♪ – Go to RhettandLink.com/store and pick up
your very own set of Rhett and Link bobbleheads. Thanks to everybody who’s
been taking pictures with these guys all around the world, #GMMBobble!
– The box turns into the set! Click through to Good Mythical More where we’re
gonna give you some of the Merman underbelly facts.
-Unisong about Lawn Chairs! Together ♪ I love to sit in my lawn chair
’cause there’s nowhere else my mom allows me to sit. I love to sit in my
lawn chair ’cause my daddy sat in it and it broke ’cause he weighed more
than meeeee ♪ Yeah!

Alternative Math | Short Film

Alternative Math | Short Film


Oh, hi Danny come on in. Looks like you’re having
some trouble with addition. Now don’t be upset. You’re here to learn.
And we learn from mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. Nuh-uh. Look at this question here. What is 2 + 2? See you wrote 22. But when we do addition we don’t just
put the numbers next to each other. That’s stupid. Alright, think about it this way. If I have two markers in this hand… …and then I add the two markers from this hand… How many markers do I have now? Twenty-two! No, Danny. It’s four. Mrs. Wells? We’re Danny’s parents. Oh yes! Hello. Please, come in. Now don’t worry. It’s completely normal for kids to get frustrated when they’re struggling with a subject. So what’s this about Danny getting some
answers wrong on this so-called test of yours? We had a test. One of the questions was what is 2 + 2. Danny answered 22. And? And that’s not the right answer. Says who? Says math. Are you calling my son stupid? No, of course not! Who are you to say that your
answer is right and that his is wrong? No no, she’s right. Thank you. Right out of Nazi Germany. You can’t honestly tell me that you
don’t know what two plus two equals. So you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you. You smart-ass little tramp. Uhhhhhh Uhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh. What are you? Some kind of retard? Alright! I’m sorry, I’m not going to
be able to continue this conversation. We’re going to complain to the principal about you. Danny is a free thinker! I’ll have your job, bitch. Not if you can’t add two and two together you won’t. Mrs. Wells. Oh, sorry Principal. I didn’t see you. I understand you had an issue yesterday
with the parents of one of our students. It did get a little crazy. When things get out of hand I really
need you to let me know about it. Sure. So how do you want to handle it? I guess you could apologize. Apol- What? His mom hit me! I understand you told Danny he had
a wrong answer on his test. He did have a wrong answer on his test. It’s not our job to tell students
when they’re right and wrong. That is exactly what our job is. Parents don’t want you ramming your
biased views down their kids’ throats. That’s not biased. That’s how math works. You know what doesn’t work? Your attitude. Maybe I can explain this in math terms,
so you can understand. If you took all the kids in this classroom, and divided them by zero, that’s exactly the amount of respect you’re giving them. Something you’d like to say? You can’t divide a number by zero and get zero. So now I’m stupid. Just some crazy administrator doing paper work, while you superstar teachers change the world! Students Count! Teachers Divide! Stop undermining our kids’ confidence! Are you going to apologize to the parents? Why did you even start teaching if you hate children? Please have a seat, Mrs. Wells. Thank you. You know, I honestly think this will all
blow over if we just wait a week or so. I’m afraid we can’t do that. Why not? They’re suing. For what? Emotional distress to a minor. Mrs. Wells, can you please tell
the members of this board exactly when you became aware of this fiasco and the events leading up to the riot. Riot? I just told a student that two plus two equals four. We need for you to recant that. What? Just say that you’re open to the possibility that
there might be multiple correct answers. But that’s not true. We can’t let them bully us. This is so stupid! Stupid. That’s your problem.
Anyone who disagrees with you is stupid. There is nothing to disagree with.
There is only one correct answer. For your sake, I certainly hope you have that correct answer when the media gets wind of this. I do. It’s four. I have my own answer. This school minus you equals tomorrow. You’re firing me? Suspending. While you reconsider your extremist views. You brought this on yourself. TV: Breaking News. In what’s being called Mathgate an activist elementary school teacher was caught abusing her student’s First Amendment Rights. So this teacher, this liberal elitist,
tells this innocent little first-grade kid that his answer is wrong. Only her answer is acceptable. Yeah, from what I hear, she doesn’t even keep
these students for more than a year. After that, they all leave her and go to another teacher. It’s called graduating! It’s creating some good healthy debate in this country. Some experts say that 2 + 2=4. Others say that it’s 22. No they don’t! If you hate America that much,
why don’t you just go teach in Commie France. Hello? (Principal) Hello, Mrs. Wells. The Board decided that for everyone’s benefit,
your services will no longer be required. For everyone’s benefit? How about the kids? I need you to come by the school tomorrow. We don’t want you radicalizing our students anymore. Mrs. Wells, thank you so much for coming. I’m just so sorry it happened this way. If only you’d been willing to be more open-minded. About math? What about academic integrity? You were warned. Given an explanation. And yet you persisted. But we will of course fulfill our financial obligations. Now, that’s $2,000 for your last pay period,
and $2,000 for this one. So that’s $4,000. Wrong. It’s twenty-two thousand! to

The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)


Our company has a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. In pursuit of these objectives, we’ve started a new project — for which we require 7 red lines. I understand your company can help us in this matter. Of course! Walter here will be the Project Manager. Walter, we can do this, can’t we? Yes, of course. Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to drawing red lines. We brought him along today to share his professional opinion. Nice to meet you! Well, you all know me. This is Justine, our company’s design specialist. Hallo… We need you to draw seven red lines. All of them strictly perpendicular; some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that? No. I’m afraid we — Let’s not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson! The task has been set and needs to be carried out. At the end of the day, you are an expert. The term “red line” implies the colour of the line to be red. To draw a red line with green ink is — well if it is not exactly impossible, then it is pretty close to being impossible. What does it even mean: “impossible”? I mean, it is quite possible that there are some people, say suffering from colour blindness, for whom the colour of the lines doesn’t really make a difference. But I am quite sure that the target audience of your project does not consists solely of such people. So in principle this is possible. I’ll simplify. A line as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink. But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink. What if we draw them with blue ink? It still won’t work. If you use blue ink, you will get blue lines. And what exactly did you mean, when you talked about the transparent ink? How to better explain? I’m sure you know what “transparent” means? Yes, I do. And what a “red line” means, I hope I don’t need to explain to you? Of course not. Well… You need to draw red lines with transparent ink. Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like? C’mon, Anderson! What do we have here, kindergarten? Let’s not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels. The task has been set; the task is plain and clear. Now, if you have any specific questions, go ahead! You’re the expert here! Alright, let’s leave aside the colour for the moment. You had something there also relating to perpendicularity?.. Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular. To what? Erm, to everything. Among themselves. I assumed you know what perpendicular lines are like! Of course he does. He’s an expert! Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can’t be simultaneously perpendicular to each other. I’ll show you. This is a line, right? Yes. And another one. Is it perpendicular to the first line? Well… Yes, it is perpendicular. Exactly! Wait, wait, I’m not done. And a third one: is it perpendicular to the first line? Yes, it is! But it doesn’t cross the second line. They’re both parallel. Not perpendicular! I suppose so. There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular — Can I have the pen? How about this? This is a triangle. It’s definitely not perpendicular lines. And there are three, not seven. Why are they blue? Indeed. Wanted to ask that myself. I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration — That’s the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink! It won’t solve the problem. How do you know before you’ve tried? Lets draw them with red ink and then let’s see. I don’t have a red pen with me, — but I am completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same. Didn’t you tell us earlier that you can only draw red lines with red ink? In fact, yes, I’ve written it down here! And now you want to draw them with a blue ink. Do you want to call these red lines? I think I understand. You’re not talking about the colour now, right? You’re talking about that, what do you call it: per-per, dick-dick — Perpendicularity, yes! That’s it, now you’ve confused everyone. So what exactly is stopping us from doing this? Geometry. Just ignore it! We have a task. Seven red lines. It’s not twenty; it’s just seven. Anderson, I understand; you’re a specialist of a narrow field, you don’t see the overall picture. But surely it’s not a difficult task to draw some seven lines! Exactly. Suggest a solution! Any fool can criticise, no offence, but you’re an expert, you should know better! OK. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines, — and I will draw the rest with transparent ink. They’ll be invisible, but I’ll draw them. Would this suit us? Yes, this will suit us. Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question, if I may. Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten? A what? In the form of a kitten. Market research tells our users like cute animals. It’d be really great if — No-oh… Why? Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I’m no artist, but I can give it a try. But it won’t be a line any more. It will be a cat. A line and a cat: those are two different things. A kitten. Not a cat, but a kitten. It’s little, cute, cuddly. Cats, on the other hand — It doesn’t make a difference. Anderson, at least hear her out! She hasn’t even finished speaking, and you’re already saying “No!” I got the idea, but it is impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat…ten. What about a bird? So, where did we stop? What are we doing? Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink and the rest – with transparent. Did I understand correctly? —
— Yes. Excellent! In which case that’s everything, right? Oh, oh, I almost forgot, we also have a red balloon. Do you know if you could inflate it? What do I have to do with balloons? It’s red. Anderson, can you or can you not do this? A simple question. As such, I can of course, but — Excellent. Organise a business trip, we’ll cover the expenses, — go over to their location, inflate the balloon. Well this was very productive, thank you all! Can I ask one more question, please? When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten? Of course I can! I can do anything, I can do absolutely anything. I’m an expert!