Animal Soccer World (Dingo Pictures) – Phelous

Animal Soccer World (Dingo Pictures) – Phelous


I did it! I hit the hundred thousand subscriber milestone on Youtube, and I promised you all a special… um… treat? for helping me do that. So let’s review Dingo’s giant crossover mess, Fussballspiel der Tiere! Or… *flat voice* Animal Soccer World *audio clip from the video of singing in German, sounds like a song for an annoying children’s show* Controversial opinion time here, guys, Animal Soccer World is NOT the worst game ever! It’s a pretty horrendous movie though. It’s just kind of hard to really… qualify it as a game. Like any of Dingo’s movies put out on gaming systems by Midas or Phoenix, Animal Soccer World has the same crappy minigames attached to its PS2 release. With coloring and slide puzzles! But it also has regular puzzle mode and a card flip game to reveal a garbage frame from the movie. *sarcastically* What a prize. But still, as far as gaming goes, that is more content than some OTHER Dingo titles on Playstation were given. What really gives Animal Soccer World its infamy is the fact that it’s the best known East West dub, which is due to the fact that it’s – as far as I know – the ONLY East West dub of a Dingo film to get the Playstation treatment. This obviously makes it much more accessible than the now kind of irritating to find East West DVDs of “Alladin” or “Wabuu.” And “Alladin” was probably too long for either Midas or Phoenix to really consider porting over to Playstation or PS2. And Wabuu, well, Wabuu is just too cheeky for either system! *more serious voice* Honestly, I don’t know why they didn’t do Wabuu. clip from Wabuu movie: *cat mumbling* Oh shit! Rawwrrr… But maybe that’s why. *overjoyed voice* But speaking of Wabuu, Animal Soccer World’s got him! And I think this is the last semi-major appearance of Wabuu, so we’re really closing a serious chapter of our lives here. …Not really, cause I’ll probably add him into most Dingo reviews anyway, plus a bunch of non-Dingo reviews. So we’ll all be sick of that raccoon. Still, it blows that once again, we are stuck with a wrong voice Wabuu. Nasally Fake Wabuu: And I, I am very good in the midfield! One thing I was curious about was if another English dub of this movie existed when I found this particular German DVD. On its language section on the back of the DVD case it showed an English option via the Union Jack. So I purchased this DVD to uncover its secrets and found… *flat voice* They lied. There is no English track on here. When you pop in the DVD after getting an amazing animation of “DVD” in the MK3/”The Room” font flying around – to remind you what format you’re watching, I guess – you are greeted by just a still image. Which is an image that’s been used on some of this movie’s OTHER DVD covers, And it gives you the options for Dutch, French, and German, but no English. And yes, I made sure it wasn’t just hidden off the menu by accident. There is no English track on this DVD. So we’re stuck with the stupid East West dub! Animal Soccer World is VERY loosely based on Bedknobs and Broomsticks. Specifically, the one scene in it where the animals play soccer. But Dingo said “Hey! What if we just drugged that one scene out way longer and added nothing to it but a bunch of dinking around?!?!” The cover of the movie promises a much more blatant Bedknobs and Broomsticks ripoff than you actually get here With a ripoff King Leonidas on it. However, there are some bits in this which are kind of similar, like an elephant playing goalie in both. Sadly though, NEITHER movie features a Bart Simpson monkey goalie. Now, this is one of the few Dingo movies which has Dingo Pictures’s name appear at the beginning of it on some versions. Guess they were really… proud? of this one. Though not proud enough to make sure they didn’t mess up the audio at the end of the German one. *dialogue being drowned out by music at a much higher volume than it should be* So after the music being way too loud during the ending scene, then during the credits it just goes really quiet! *annoying Dingo “folksy” music fading out and disappearing suddenly* Dingo made this one in 1998, and while we’re on dates, I have a correction to make for Perseus’s release year I had said 93 originally, because some sources had said that was Dingo’s startup year. But just shortly after I made the Perseus review public, a German VHS rip of the movie was uploaded to Youtube With the credits intact revealing that this was a 92 release instead. Now that we have the Perseus Release Year Controversy out of the way, let’s talk about the gem (*trying not to laugh*) Dingo made six years later. The title card is the most ambitious one Dingo has made up to this point. I mean, look at the letters kind of react to the soccer ball! Yeeeeee! But as for the crossover itself, this is the least ambitious crossover event in history or something. Now the German title here basically translates to (dramatic voice) “The Incredible Football Game of the Animals,” I guess the DVD cover didn’t want to raise your expectations too high, as that’s just… “The Football Game of the Animals.” But the seemingly quite rare East West DVD of this movie named it “Animal Soccer CHAMPIONSHIP.” There’s no championship on the line in this movie, though. So obviously, they stopped printing that DVD once the scandal hit the press. Our never-ending loop of a Dingo track on this East West dub is the ominous drum song. Which starts at the first line of dialogue and then NEVER stops. Dog: *in awkward heavily accented voice with no emotion or inflection, like all the actors* Long time no see. Robin: *long pause* ….Huh? Even when they’re playing other music tracks and even when the Bremen town musicians are singing! (flute track playing over the ominous drumbeat) (people singing in Dutch and German while the freaking drumbeat is STILL playing) This, by the way, is from the Dutch version, which is just one person singing over the German version in Dutch. *loud baritone voice singing in Dutch, while a chorus of voices sings in German underneath him at a much lower volume* (the songs don’t synch properly with each other, either) And of course, the looped track plays over itself at one point. *drumbeat track playing over the already playing one* Dog: What are you doing today? Robin: I don’t know yet Dog: We can visit some friends. Lion cub: Sounds good. I like visiting friends very much. Phelous: *deadpan* Stunning insight. But you’re not gonna enjoy those friends once this test of patience is over! Bird Reporter: There is an undescribable chaos. You can hear the sirens. Phelous: CAN I?!?? *sirens from Silent Hill start to sound in the background* You know… I’d take a nice trip to Silent Hill’s Otherworld over this… Though I will say, as far as an East West dub goes, there is SLIGHTLY more effort being put into the voices And SOME attempt to differentiate some of them *nasally voice* Sure, quite a few just sound like someone holding their nose, but… it’s something! Also, there aren’t long periods in this one of the dubbers just dozing off with only the music playing. And while there are certainly a lot of parts where they’re talking over the wrong character, They do tend to be hitting at least somewhere in the *area* of the right spot for dialogue more often here than in Alladin or Wabuu. And I used to think it was a couple of Dutch people doing the voiceovers in these East West dubs. But I finally found out who really did the voices for East West Alladin! That’s right! According to Amazon, it was none other than Dwayne Johnson and Mark Wahlberg! *flat sarcasm* They truly brought their A-game to this. I really had no idea it was the Rock and Marky Mark in Alladin! The Rock wants to leave you with something, leave you and your angry face with something. [Alladin voice actor] Can you image India? [Audio from The Happening] What?! Noooo…! You know, Rock, you really didn’t have to be in this remake. So our sort-of leads in this movie are Sasha, the dog from Anastasia, and Robin from Lion and the King. But both these characters have been renamed, so Sasha is now Krummel and Robin is Joey. Robin/Joey: (inappropriate older man’s voice) Hey, how you doing? Phelous: (sarcastically)Great crossover special, Dingo! We see King MahGod with his mate for one shot. Which is the only time she appears in this movie with MahGod! I assume his new obsession with soccer was the last straw in their relationship, after him giving away a fortune in diamonds to the endangered animal society. screechy parrot singing: Diamonds are the girl’s best friend! King MahGod: You don’t understaaaand. I had to give it awaaaay. MahGod’s Wife: If you wanted the diamonds to go to an endangered animal, you should have kept them for yourself! MahGod: *disappointed* MAAAAAH GOOOD Anyway, this bird reporter is named Harry, and I’m pretty sure they just redrew Inspector Gadget as a bird to create this stupid character. Sasha/Krummel: But, Harry. What are you talking about? Harry: *croaking noises* Aah aah. Krummel: But where is the ambulance? Harry: I’m just practicing. Phelous as Krummel: Oh, I should’ve known! *derpy hyuck-hyuck laugh* Harry: Ever since I’ve been a reporter, nothing happens. Phelous: Nothing happens! Sounds like a good sum-up of the movie. Rooster: It’s not fun to be a singer when there are no parties. Scene Interrupting Bear: Parties? Where? Can I sell my candies somewhere? (Phelous voiceover, with echo mic effect) (voice clip from 30 Rock) How do you do, fellow kids. Harry: There is no party. Phelous as MaGod: NO PARTY?! MAHGO– Old Man: That means you’re all completely useless! MaGod: OLD MAN!! I’ll eat your faaaace and your skiiiinnnnnn. Old Man: Dyahahahh! Uh, oh, (babbling nonsense nervously) This wasn’t worth it. Duck: (imitating ambulance sound) AH EEE AH EEE AH EEE AH EEE AH EEE Phelous: *flat sarcasm* Ah. Music to my ears. Duck: AH EEE AH EEE AH EEE AH EEE Tio’s father from Dinosaur Adventure: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! Nurse Duck from “Jamie” or “Janis” has been called because of the big fight between Diamonds Panther and one of the evil dogs from the Dingo Dalmatians movies. And I guess neither the couple of guys doing the semi-English dub were talented enough to make that dumb ambulance noise. So they just took that audio from the Dutch dub (music from Punch-Out!! plays over the fight) Krummel: Why were you fighting? Evildog: That’s why.
Krummel: Yeah? So? Evildog: I found the ball.
Diamonds Panther: And then he didn’t let me play with it. Phelous: *mock outrage* Balls. I didn’t think the gorilla-screwing black panther could get lamer. But he’s gone from diamond schemes to fighting over balls. Evildog: You just shoot it everywhere. Panther: You are just mad because I can shoot the ball further. Evildog:No, you can’t!
Panther: I can!
(opening and closing mouths with no noise) Evildog: No!
Panther: Yes! Phelous: (sings in growly voice) Anything you can do, I can do better! Evildog: No. Phelous as Panther: Well, that shuts me up. Krummel: Why don’t we organize a soccer game. Phelous: So to stop a fight over a ball, they’re gonna have an organized fight over a ball. Oooookay. Panther: A soccer game. (opens and closes mouth with no sound) Uh. You mean with a team? Evildog: You mean with a real, uh, goal? Phelous as Evildog: I don’t know how to be part of something that has an actual goal. That’s why I’m in Dingo movies! Harry: And I will be the reporter. Phelous: *singing to Inspector Gadget theme music* Doo-da-doo-da-doo, Reporter Birdhole! Wabuu: FOR YOU. Krummel: I will also need a name. Evildog: I already got a name. The Wild Dogs. clip of Ned Flanders: Who are we gonna beat?
Evildog: The Wild Dogs. Panther: Heh heh heh heh. (the standard Dingo Laugh) Our team’s… name… is The Jungle Kings. The kings of the jungle. Phelous: *snarky* Oh, I’m glad he clarified what “Jungle Kings” meant. I was lost at first. Harry: In two weeks the game will take place. Phelous as Evildog: I’m not going to care about this in two weeks. Forget it. Duck: Uhhh, don’t you also need nurses? Harry: Yeah! As far as I know. People always get hurt. Duck: That’s great! Phelous: That is one sadistic, sick duck! Phelous as Duck: Hey, stop fighting! We wouldn’t want you to get hurt! Play soccer! Where you’ll definitely get hurt! That’s great! Great… here… now. (hyenas laughing pointlessly) Phelous: Yuck it up, fuzz balls. You aren’t getting invited to play in the game! Krummel: (slurred mumbling) It’s a shame. We will never play on the same team. [inaudible] will never let me play for the Jungle Kings. Man, that’s rough. I mean the audio. It’s really hard to hear them over the stupid looped track sometimes. (singing Inspector Gadget song) Blow, Birdhole, blow!! The cat on boots shows up to let us know that he’s in this movie, too. But they’ve recolored the Charlie cat from Cat on Boots from brown to gray for some reason. So in their giant crossover movie, Dingo put in the extra effort of recoloring, which they usually don’t bother with. Just to make an obviously reused character look slightly different! …whatever, Dingo. Harry Birdhole and the cat on boots blandly discussing soccer flyers is apparently hilarious to the littlest pelican! Who, even for a Dingo character, looks drawn rather sloppily. And wow, look at that animation of the flyers dropping! I know it’s not much but I’m still surprised Dingo didn’t just rotate them as they fall. We see some more crossovers with the snake narrator from Der Koenig de Tiere, aka the Lion and the King prequel, getting a flyer And the flyers dropping over at the Jamie/Janis farm. Jamie/Janis: In two weeks there is a soccer championships. Farmer: Hey! I thought that pig ran away. Finally, we can kill it! *dramatic chord* Phelous: Hmmm… BDI Dog doesn’t quite fit in with the rest. Evildog: Jacko and I have decided to organize a soccer match. Phelous: Jackoff? Is that the black panther’s proper name? Dog in sunglasses: That’s awesome! Phelous: Oh, you just think everything’s awesome, Poochie. voiceover from the Simpsons: I have to go now. My planet needs me. (random dog making “EHHH” noises) Dog: A soccer match, that’s cool. Phelous as Dog: I’m so happy about it with my angry face. Sunglasses Dog: The kings of the jungle. They have no chance against us. Phelous: Why does the dog with shades on have a blinking animation? Dingo, you just thrive on making nonsense calls, don’t you? Evildog: Who wants to play? We need defenders, attackers. Dog: Uh… Defender. Not-Balto: I can play on the left side. Phelous: Oh, don’t trust Balto, he’s in league with the black panther! Oh, and by the way, I just wanted to point this out. On the Brave the Husky’s DVD cover’s spine, You can still see the original cover where they were just gonna call it “Balto” with “Alto” still being visible. *sarcastically* Good thing they changed that and then proceeded to call him Balto through the whole thing. And while I’m on this rename tangent, you know the couple of times they slipped up and called Lord “Tarzan” in Lord of the Rainforest? Well, they actually censored that by blanking out the audio on the PlayStation port. Monkey: Quick, Sheena, Tarzan’s crying. Monkey: Quick, Sheena, (opens mouth with no voice coming out) Gorilla: That’s true. Tabal’s right, Tarzan is protected by ghosts. Gorilla: That’s true. Tabal’s right, (more open mouth with no voice) Phelous: Anyway, Tarzan is just too censored to play soccer! Get him out of here! Dog: And I, on the right side. Phelous as Wabuu: Our friend Snoopy is just tooooo stuuuupid! Krummel: What can I be?
Evildog: Nothing, Krummel. You are way too small. I was just thinking that this extended Bedknobs and Broomsticks soccer scene ripoff could use a Rudy subplot! (sarcastic voice) Krummel is just toooo smaaalllll! This is gonna be a major story element, right? Ehhhhh…. Krummel: The Jungle Kings will allow Jack(?) to play. And he’s just as small as me. Sunglass Dog: Joey’s father is the head of the lions! (repeats same line more quickly) Phelous:*really sarcastically* Yeah, both those takes were so good it’s impossible to choose! Put them both in! So the dogs get to practicing. …The wrong game, it would seem. But don’t worry! I’m sure no one will make THAT mistake come game time! SPOILER! They will. Dog: Butcher should become a goalkeeper.
Evildog: Hey. Krummel. Make yourself useful. Go get Butcher. You might recognize Butcher here from the Mug Root Beer can. …And also Dingo’s Dalmatians where he was still named Butcher. Bulldog: (almost incomprehensible) And I’m Butcher! (Butcher? Bridgester? can’t tell) Phelous:*sarcastic* Glad they made sure to keep THAT character’s name continuity! (goofy music and sound effect of a ball being kicked) (actors randomly talking as the ball goes flying, then all the dogs doing random Dingo Laughs) Phelous: (deadpan) Oh, that is just too wacky, I tell ya! King MaGod: I myself will not play. I am too old. Phelous as MaGod: That’s right! I am just toooo oooold! And I won’t be busy placing bets on the game! By the waaay, make sure to throooow the gaaaaame! Real MaGod: And everybody has to do what I say. Panther: Yes, sir.
Fake Wabuu: Yes sir. We will listen to you! Phelous:Wabuu would NEVER say that! Suspension of disbelief BROKEN, Dingo! MaGod: You, Jacko, you will become our central forward because the wild dogs fear you the most. Jacko: They better be. Muhahahah. Heheheheh. (not very convincing evil laugh) Phelous as MaGod: How dare you get high before the game! It’s not doooooone. (inhaling sound) Nnnnnoooooooo. (stoned voice) Gopher: (or whatever): Can I play in the defense? MaGod: Yeah, sure. Why not. Phelous MaGod: I doooon’t really care what you dooooo. (stoned voice) Fake Wabuu: And I. I am very good in the midfield. (giraffes laughing for no reason) PhelousWabuu: How daaare that giraffe laugh at the Wabuu! I was trying to be sincere, but NEVER AGAIN! *axe chopping noise, dramatic chord* Phelous: That Wabuu, though, he’s a real jungle king. So Butcher says he’ll only play goalie if Krummel can get a spot on the team. So Krummel gets made a substitute, ending the great “Krummel Can’t Play” story…. sorta. But you know what I love the most? Them constantly discussing who will play what position or be a referee or give out candy or what song will be played! (extremely sarcastic) It’s almost like there’s not much of a story here! MaGod: He’s just learning. You have to explain to him gently. And now give me that ball right away! Fake Wabuu: Oh. And that’s what they call explain gently. PhelousWabuu: Hehem, excuse me. This movie’s giving me brain damage. Phelous: I’m glad brain-damaged Wabuu still has his trademark wit, though. MaGod: Oh no.
Harry: Oh, no. Harry and MaGod together: Oh, no. Krummel:We need jerseys. Can you make jerseys for us? Goat: (in bleating voice) Jerseys, of course. Phelous: Oh, I was worried they might skip over how they got their jerseys. Wouldn’t want to leave THAT to the imagination. Krummel: My sisters and I also need jerseys!
Janis Pig (with a male voice): You? Why do you need jerseys? Krummel: I’m not saying. Surprise. Goat: All right. What do you need?
Janis Pig: Well, it’s like this. (fake incomprehensible whispering) Phelous: I finally found the most redeeming quality of this movie. (softly) Fake whisper fake whisper fake whisper. Oh good! The jungle Bambi is coming to the game. And they even got some sponsors for the game like McJungle! (fake laugh) Ha ha, that’s a good one Dingo. It’s a McJungle out there. (note: he’s holding up the Japanese box to “Mac and Me”) Harry: Bad news! A group of hooligans is on their way. A group of… hooligans. Bondage Duck: Hey! You! How do we get to the area where the fans of the Wild Dogs are standing? Phelous:(total silence) …S&M ducks?! …S&M ducks. Why, Dingo?! Why?? Why are there S&M ducks in this movie? Spiked Bra Duck: Why Wild Dogs, I thought we were for the Jungle Kings. WHHHHHYYYYYYY?! Phelous: This one duck has BOOB SPIKES, even! PhelousWabuu: Animal Soccer World is soooooo inappropriate! Eh heh heh heh! …Eh, it’s not really funny, it’s just true. Stupid ducks. MaGod: You guys are going into area S. If you’re making one wrong move, I will eat you. Phelous: Please make a wrong move. Please make a wrong move. I know King MaGod is a tyrant and all, but wouldn’t you say they’ve already made a wrong move dressing that way for a soccer game? Duck: You old dictator. Lion and the King audio clip: MAGOD! Random animals: Start the game, start the game. Phelous: Even the movie’s getting impatient with all the dinking around at this point. And whoah, wait a second… Wuschel has a friend?! PhelousWabuu: Okay, this is the point where MY suspension of disbelief is broken! Creepy badly drawn monkeys: Start the game! Phelous: Eww! Get them off the screen! S&M Ducks: (chanting) Hey! Hey! Hey! Phelous: D’aah!! Don’t put that on the screen either!! Harry: Dear ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you to the soccer game of the year! Phelous: And the crowd goes wild!! (silence, someone coughing) After the Bremen Town Timewasters, we get pig cheerleaders! Which I’m torn on if this is sort of well done for Dingo or if it’s just terrifying. Probably the latter, but I’m also distracted by the fact that their outfits look completely different in the close-ups versus the far shots! Some animal: With number 7, Jacko! Phelous: (bursts out laughing)
Stupid running panther! Harry: And with this extraordinary hat, it’s Charlie, the best looking attacker of all time!
(I can’t see any hat…) Phelous:Man, I am so sick of this biased animal sports coverage. Vulture announcer: With the number 5. Everywhere feared, Albert. Phelous: Oh, wow. It’s not Dundee this time, it’s his famed Uncle Albert that he mentioned in Lion and the King! Dundee: You’ll get dentures like Uncle Albert. Phelous: Guess I should’ve known Uncle Albert, the Dentured Sports Star. A cheating sports star too. Or just one too stupid to have figured out that this isn’t basketball. But I guess if the refs aren’t gonna call anything, you might as well play the wrong game. Anyway, a lot of these Dingo animals look really stupid redrawn to stand on two legs like this to play soccer. This was very ill-conceived… for a lot of reasons. {overjoyed) Oh, but look at Wabuu playing soccer! He’s so good at it, he’s sprouted a third spring foot. PhelousWabuu: Whaaaaa?! Announcer: The ball goes towards the second post! And ohhhhh! Harry: Sasha surprises Wabuu and gets the ball! Phelous: We only got like two seconds of Wabuu with the ball? This movie is worthless! Announcer: And there is Jacko! Jacko the attacker! And he stops Sasha with a fearless tackle! Phelous: Wait, so the Dalmatian is Sasha now? We’ve got two Sashas and two Charlies? I’m having a real hard time following the Dingo Cinematic Universe. Announcer: (slowed down)A fearless tackle! Phelous: That really didn’t look like a tackle. But that’s probably a good thing. Because he’d be playing the wrong football if he did that. And we wouldn’t want anyone ELSE messing up what game this is! Announcer: Ohhhhh! What a bad pass. Yes, bad passes can happen. Phelous: (deadpan) Bad passes can happen. At least we’re really learning something here! Some bite tackles happen. And yes, bite tackles can happen. Which causes the linesman to break out the elf meter, which is how you know soccer just got real! Also, that’s a really tiny hippo. Must be a house hippo. Voiceover with nature documentary music: House hippos are very timid creatures and are rarely seen. But they will defend their territory. Harry: Ohhh, what a bad decision! The baddest decision in soccer all time! Vulture: But now who’s gonna take the penalty kick? It is… DINGO!! Phelous: …Oh. Is Fake Dingo the star of the Dingoverse now? You know, you could probably call the Dingo Pictures gophers a few things But dingo really is not one of them. Harry: I don’t know what’s really going on down there, cause it’s very hard to see from my position. I will try to get a little bit closer. (Inspector Gadget music) Dog: You stay in the goal and stop the ball! Butcher: I’m not doing it. Only if Krummel shoots. Phelous: Krummel wouldn’t be shooting on you, you idiot, you’re on the same team! Announcer: Here he comes, here he comes! And it’s a goal! Phelous:Yay! The stupid empty net goal has really excited the S&M ducks! Probably too much. Hopefully King MaGod eats them. Harry: Did I see that right? Phelous: (sarcastic) Oh, I’m glad Harry Birdhole got so much closer to the action. Albert continues to cheat, and then a dog gets put down. Much to the damn duck’s delight. Duck: AH EEE AH EEE AH EEE Harry: Castor seems injured!
Duck: That’s great! Phelous:This movie’s very anti-duck, isn’t it? Vulture: We think he’s faking an injury. It can’t be that bad. Phelous as vulture: I mean, we’re not even circling his body! Harry:The big question is who’s gonna replace Castor? Phelous: Oh, yay! Krummel is finally in as a…. replacement. Harry:It’s Krummer! It’s Krummer! Phelous: Oh. I guess his name is Krummer now. (deadpan) What an arc this has been. (whistle blowing, crowd yelling in background) Vulture: And the referee gives a penalty kick. Oh, what a big mistake. That’s what you get when you give a dog a flute. (?) Phelous: Very true. Dogs with flutes should at least be on a leash. Harry: Here he comes, here he comes, he shoots! (incomprehensible blather) Ohhhh! It’s been saved by the goalie! Phelous:I called that before it happened, Birdhole! You got some insider info? The ball falls into the poorly drawn pelican’s mouth. So everyone just goes back to dinking around until it comes back with the ball. Bremen Town Timewasters: (singing overly loudly in Dutch over original German song) Voice clip from Nice Cats: I can’t find my damned hairbrush! Harry: But oh! Oh no! He pass it down… to Yogi! (?) Hey, Krummer, it’s not a friendly game! Phelous: It’s a DEADLY game, Krummer! So I’m glad Krummer immediately proved that they shouldn’t have been put into the game by passing to the opposition. (dorky voice) Yep, that’s a real bummer for the Krummer! Harry: This is a great game so far! Phelous: (annoyed) I DISAGREE! Announcer: Albert’s got the ball! Shoot! Shoot! Shoooooot! Hippo: Over the line.
PhelousWabuu: Looks like I’ve crossed the line again! Eh heh heh heh heh! Announcer: Krummer, shoot! Shoot, shoot, Krummer, shoot! (animals cheering noiselessly) Announcer: Yeeeessss! Phelous: Yaaaay! Krummer did it! They really… proved puppy power in soccer or something. Harry: The game is over! The end score is 1-1 for the Wild Dogs. Phelous: Yo, Birdbrain, a tie score isn’t FOR either team. S&M Ducks: (chanting) Another match, another match! King MaGod:Because there was no winner in this soccer match, Phelous: I take back what I said at the beginning. This WAS the worst game ever. Dingo didn’t even have the balls to put one team over the other. King MaGod: I, the Lion King, decided there is gonna be a rematch. Phelous: Yeah, that’s good, Dingo. Promise to resolve this in a sequel that you aren’t gonna make. Krummer/Krummel: That was a great game, Joey!
Now we can be friends again! Robin’s voice clip from Lion and the King: Mmm, I don’t know. I think we should be enemies.
Myu-Myu clip: Certainly. Phelous: Boy! When Dingo isn’t really copying a story, they sure do love making a story that is nothing but padding! Over half of the movie is just building up to a soccer game. And once that finally starts, all it feels like they’re doing is stalling for more time! And then they don’t even bother to actually settle anything! Animal Soccer World isn’t the worst East West dub out there. I’d say that honor belongs to “Alladin.” But it’s still quite a chore to sit through with the horrid dub and lack of plot. But the biggest injustice was the criminal underuse of Wabuu! Harry: Oh, I don’t think that’s true at all, Phelous! In fact, I’d say Wabuu was Harry Birdhole’s pick for the worst player of the game! Wabuu: I am so sick of this biased reporting! Harry: Uh-oh! This cannot be good for Harry Birdhole! Phelous: (in a Harry-like voice) Oh, looks like Wabuu is going way past the line again. He’s got an axe! This can’t be legal. (dramatic Dingo musical chord) (whistle blowing, crowd cheering in background) Looks like the referee is going to allow it due to the elf meter rule! Yes, sometimes there are elf meter rules. Oh, but it looks like the S&M Ducks are furious with the call! Yes, sometimes for no good reason, there are S&M ducks. But it looks like the referee is saying Harry screwed Harry! (whistle blowing repeatedly) Ohhh! This will truly go down as the Dingo Pictures screwjob. Wuschel: WABUU!! DON’T SHOOT!! Wabuu: I am the greatest soccer player of all times! (dramatic Dingo musical chord) Phelous:And Harry’s head smashes Wuschel into the net! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!! …And stuff. It’s not a tie. (“Oh Phelous 80s Style” plays over credits) Phelous: Thank you so much to everyone who subscribed to my silly channel and helped me get to the 100k milestone. And now that I’ve reviewed Animal Soccer World, there’s no more East West dubs. (exasperated sigh)

business before beauty – painting a picture of tati westbrook

business before beauty – painting a picture of tati westbrook


Hi all. I just wanna apologize for lying to you. We’re not trying to cancel James Charles. I think it would be silly to think that you
even could cancel somebody who has 15 million subscribers. He did wind up getting cancelled and I was
wrong. I know nothing I can do can make up for that,
but I still want to give back to this community that has supported me so much throughout all
this time. To those three million people that unsubscribed
from James Charles, I wanna give you the opportunity to subscribe to me instead, but I know that’s
not enough. So I also wanna give you… And this is hard for me but I wanna give you
two months of Skillshare premium for free. Skillshare’s an online learning community
with more than 28,000 courses in illustration, design, you name it. I think I currently need a course in public
relations because I’ve made a terrible mistake and I don’t know how to convince you all that
I feel sorry for it. And you know what? They literally have a course in public relations. You can get a premium membership for unlimited
access to that course and every other course on the website and it all comes out to less
than $10 a month for an annual plan. It’s super affordable but I’m giving it to
you all for free. All you have to do is use my link in the description
and be one of the first 500 people to sign up. Now, there are more than 7 million creators
using Skillshare today. So join them now to fuel your creativity,
your curiosity and your career, unless your career is over like mine. Because I was unable to put any ads on this
apology video, I think I’m gonna need to use my free trial too. So make sure you’re one of the first 500 people. Thank you Skillshare for sponsoring me and
supporting me during this time. You guys, what I want more than anything is
for you to feel sorry for me and I hope I’ve accomplished that today. Not a chance. I’m so tired of seeing videos about Tati Westbrook
and James Charles. Anyway, in today’s video I’m gonna be taking
this painting of James Charles I made and turning it into a painting of Tati Westbrook. Hi how are you doing? That’s fantastic. I’m here to make some art, talk about some
people. Those are my only two skills and that’s why
I had to become a YouTuber. Let me give you a rundown of the situation,
in case you haven’t seen any videos about it yet. Tati Westbrook had a big channel. James Charles had a tiny channel. James reached out to Tati. Tati helped James with a bunch of stuff, James
became a giant channel. Tati started a vitamin company. And then James promoted a rival vitamin company
and then Tati released a very, very long video about how James Charles was secretly a terrible
person the entire time. So I hope that gives you some context. Now, does any of this affect me personally? No. But in terms of ad revenue, I care very deeply
about this situation. I think it’s interesting to look at it from
a different perspective. But first we have to look at who we’re talking
about. I’m pretty sure we all know who James Charles
is. As far as Tati goes, my opinion of her was
pretty good but then it dropped to lower than James Charles’ sub-count. Well actually, my opinion took a couple of
days to change so I guess it wasn’t that fast. At first, I have to be honest, I thought Tati’s
video was amazing. Yeah, they had us the first half, I’m not
gonna lie. They had us. I watched it not once, but twice. That is almost an hour and a half. I watched Tati the movie, and that is how
I figured out that she is not the protagonist. Those memes comparing her to Thanos might
be onto something. Thanos was all like, “Guys, I’m the good guy. I’m just trying to save you.” And then Iron Man… Well, that’s spoilers. Okay basically, we didn’t take Thanos at face
value when he was trying to tell us that he was a savior. But then when Tati showed up like, “Guys,
I’m the good guy and I’m just trying to save James.” We were like… “This is it chief. I believe literally everything you just said.” I did anyway. Where’s Iron Man when you need him? Oh yeah, dead. Bottom line, if I am misled by some influencer,
do not cancel that influencer. They caught me slipping. It is on me and I’m going to unsubscribe. See, YouTubers don’t fool me and if they do
it’s never for long. Tati Westbrook had me fooled at first. I thought she was just like this caring, genuine
YouTuber who would never hurt a fly. But I assure you, I did some research and
turns out, flies were harmed. Well no, not flies, but people. Basically equates to the same worth in this
grand scheme of the universe. Honestly though, who cares if flies get harmed? Like why is it even a saying. “Oh, she wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Why not, Karen? It’s right there. Kill it. But you know, maybe Tati wouldn’t harm a fly. After all, her vitamin company, Hollow Beauty,
is cruelty-free, so that’s good to know. Too bad it’s not FDA-approved. But flies aside, it seems like she is okay
with hurting smaller YouTube accounts if it turns out that they’re a threat to her brand. Chances are you’ve never heard of Kiki Chanel. Her real name is Kylie Dennison. She only had 160,000 subscribers at the time,
in October 2018. Tati Westbrook made a video reviewing some
makeup palette. They all look the same to me. But after that, Kylie released a video saying
Tati’s video was biased in her opinion. But it was pretty biased in my opinion and
I think in a lot of opinions as I was reading the comments of the video. I confirmed that myself, by forcing myself
to sit through Tati’s makeup review. A lot of you know that I am not a fan of the
concealer. We’re talking about makeup revolution. You guys, I don’t like this formula that much. I know a lot of people really, really love
it. I just am not one of them. She says in the first 30 seconds of the review,
that she doesn’t like the product, before trying the product. It’s a literal bias. Whether it was a fair review or not, it’s
completely subjective. I didn’t think it was and neither did Kylie. So what do you think Tati did in that situation? She made a very, very long video about how
Kylie Dennison was secretly a terrible person the entire time. Again. For the first time. Are you seeing a trend here? My point is, she has a habit of painting people
that jeopardize her brand or her professionalism in the worst way she possible can but she
does so in a very calm, professional and reserved manner that makes everything she’s saying
just sound like gold. It even worked on me, the most cynical person
on this platform. How did I fall for emotional manipulation
when I don’t even experience emotions? In her video response, Tati had misinformation,
hypocrisy and misconstrued truth. The misinformation was she said something
was wrong with the way the makeup palette was formulated, but there wasn’t. And then with hypocrisy, she called Kylie
out for using affiliate links, which are like links that give you money if someone clicks
on them to buy a product. She said that meant Kylie was money hungry
but then there’s a bunch of videos where Tati has affiliate links too. So by Tati’s own logic, is Tati money hungry? I mean, yeah, she is and so is Kylie. We’re YouTubers. I’ve seen people literally interrupt themselves
mid-sentence with an ad break and that honestly just shows me that they don’t care where they’re
putting the ad. They just wanna put an ad on their video to
make money. Then the misconstrued truth, or as I like
to call it, lying. But when someone’s pushing me into a corner
and telling me that I’m a horrible, selfish, awful person, and that I don’t ever do any
good, and that I am just going after another creator because of my own insecurities and
because of what I don’t have. I need to speak on it. Kylie never said that in her video. But the 4.3 million people who watched Tati’s
video all believe that Kylie said that. So this is all to back up my claim that we’re
dealing with lies and hypocrisy. Because when I make claims about people, even
here in my small YouTube channel, I like to back them up with examples and evidence of
what I’m talking about. Instead of just expecting to believe everything
I say at face value, just because I have a nice voice. Even though honestly, I couldn’t really blame
you for doing that, I mean have you heard me? And the size difference between Kylie’s 160,000
subscribers at the time, and Tati’s 4 million subscribers was so one sided that Kylie still
gets hate comments about the situation on her channel to this day, over half a year
later. I checked. Now, with this information in mind, I took
a different look at the situation when I watched her video again. Think about it like this, a lot of the people
are using the fact that she didn’t put ads in her video as some sort of indication that
her intentions were good, but the video was actually monetized, as there was an advertisement
at the end. So on more business terms, companies pay for
impressions. Meaning when their customer sees or hears
about a product. So if Tati mentions her company, Hella Beauty,
over and over in this 43 minute video, and this video got 50 million impressions, 50
million. Do you know how much money she saved on advertising? That’s not a coincidence, it’s a business
decision. These are business people making business
decisions, they’re always trying to sell you something, even if it’s just their charming
personality. Now wrapping this up, one thing I wanna be
respectful of is a lot of people say that Tati’s very genuine and hard working, and
that she doesn’t do things for money because she loves them. I haven’t followed her long enough to come
to this conclusion for myself, so I can’t really argue with it, but I can explain my
point of view. Because I love making YouTube videos, I spend
a lot of time on them, some of them, every other one. And because I’m putting a lot of time into
them, I want money, so they’re not mutually exclusive. And the other thing people were saying is
that, “She’s one of the most genuine YouTubers I’ve ever seen.” But take it from me, you cannot be genuine
while talking to a camera. There’s nothing more unnatural than speaking
to literally nobody… Imagine how I look right now. Actually, you don’t have to imagine… You’re seeing. Imagine how I look from an outside perspective. People who seem genuine on camera are actually
way better actors than people who don’t. And YouTube isn’t really the place to find
genuine people. We’re all behind the camera… In front of the camera. Am I behind the camera or in front of it? We’re all talking to cameras. You might love watching these people, and
these people might love creating content for you, but we don’t know each other. It’s a para-social relationship. It doesn’t make it any better or any worse,
but you should just know what it is. So if I could go back and watch Tati’s video
for the first time I would tell myself, “Pay attention. Is there evidence being shown for the claims
that are being given? Are you aware of who you’re listening to right
now and things that they’ve done in the past? Is this a credible source?” For example, you just listened to me for about
10 minutes, but little did you know, I… Well… That’s all gonna come out later anyway, I
may as well just get cancelled when the time comes. Here’s the painting I did, I hope Tati likes
it. Anyway leave a like, buy my merch, tell me
what you think and subscribe if you haven’t already. Thank you for watching and a big thank you
to my 120–

Pocahontas (Dingo Pictures) – Phelous

Pocahontas (Dingo Pictures) – Phelous


The real story of Pocahontas is one that has quite a few holes in what anyone actually knows, and a lot of horrible things happened, but I guess it’s more fun to romanticize it. Especially with Dingo! (vaguely tribal music) You remember how I once said that I didn’t think Dingo movies got released on DVD in English? Well… I was wrong… I was wrong. Dingo movies in English were put out on DVD by East West entertainment, another German company who hasn’t had a working English website since 2007. They also distributed a lot of other DVDs, but most notably Aladdin $1.00 and friends. Yes, that piece of crap VHS-transfer-to-DVD of Aladdin and his Magic Lamp that skipped over major portions of the movie was put out by East West. Well, I’m sure they did a much better job on the Dingo movies, right? Oh…what a shock. It doesn’t skip parts of the movie though, at least. Speaking of, I thought of using another language version that has better video with the English track on it, but the Finnish one that I’ve got is only 28 minutes and the English version of this movie is 52 minutes, making it the longest Dingo movie I’ve seen. They probably cut it down to that time just by removing random animal laughing shots. In actuality, why the Finnish one is so much shorter is they cut out the majority of the beginning and just skipped to the white guys getting there. One last notable thing about the East West releases of Dingo movies is they sometimes pad them out with “bonus” public domain cartoons, which of course look like they are transferred from the worst possible sources, and some of them they made sure to piss on. But even though these somehow look like a cartoon’s last known footage, they make sure to let us know these bonus cartoons are… Fuck off! But my favorite part of these “real bonuses” is that it ends with a Betty Boop cartoon that has this tacked on. Oh yes, Betty Boop was always my favorite Merrie Melody cartoon. All right, let’s stop delaying this and talk about Wabuu’s origin story. [Phelous’s voiceover] We start off Dingo’s Pocahontas as excitingly as possible, with buffalo fucking around in a field, a guy in a canoe built for two, but he’s alone, because no one likes him, and meanwhile, Bambi is in another dimension getting high off shrooms. Oh, there he is! The star! The mascot! The everything! WABUU!!! Of course he appears before Pocahontas; Wabuu is life. And if you’re thinking “didn’t he appear in the Wabuu cartoon first?” that’s a big “NOPE!” That cartoon came out a year later in 96, and this was in 95, by…Media Concept? Apparently, Dingo pictures was known as Media Concept in their beginning. This is starting to turn into the Dingo Hole! Also, you might have your mind blown here, because this is the only Dingo movie I’ve seen that has a proper credit roll that actually lists who voiced all the characters. And if this is to be believed there were actually FOURTEEN different people providing voices on this one. This does seem like one of the more ambitious Dingo movies, but I have really hard time believing them having more than four voice actors. These credits are extremely useful, too, since they just show pictures of the characters. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know who most of them were. Ludwig Ickert, one of the Dingo concept creators, voices one of the characters, and, unsurprisingly, so does a relative. The star, though, is Armin Drogat, who voices Wabuu and the native chief, which is the King “MY GOD!” voice. [Audio from the movie] Pale men… …that does not sound very good. [Phelous’s voiceover] We see that asshole bird from Lion and the King following Pocahontas, apparently talking but nothing is coming out. “We only had this particular flying shot made with the intent of dialogue, so we’re not changing it.” [Audio from the movie] Hi, Wabuu. Where are you? Why are you hiding? [Phelous’s voiceover] Wabuu truly is a master, and hides in plain sight. You can’t see him even right in front of your face. [Audio from the movie] I’m coming, Pocah. Just a minute. You should choose your friends better, Pocahontas…you know. Oh, Piri, It’s enough with you watching out for me. The two of you really are too much. Come on, let’s go fishing! But the salmon are mine, you know? What? [From the movie] (strange, high pitched, scratchy noises) Uh… Wabuu went fishing for plants and got possessed by a demon? I guess I should have expected this from Dingo by now. [From the movie] You should know not to pull them up by their roots. I don’t do that! (wind blowing) Listen, even the wind is arguing with you. [Phelous’s voice] (singing) Can you argue with all the colors of the wind? Most of the wind’s colors are so stupid. heh heh heh heh heh heh. [From the movie] If you listen, you will hear what it is whispering to you, haaaa-oooooow? I don’t hear anything. Hahaha, you are, and remain, a glutton. He must listen to his soul and go on a diet. The wind is your soul, and it tells raccoons to go on diets. This is the TRUE story of Pocahontas! [Phelous’s voice] Like any Dingo movie as well, the area they’re in makes no sense whatsoever, as some of these scenes are in the jung-sert, which kind of does not fit where Pocahontas took place. Anyway, Salmon Interrupting Bear is dead now! (imitating the Dingo laugh) Wow, [Movie] That’s what I call a good catch, Little Feather. You can make a chain out of its claws. [Phelous] “Myyyyyy goodness gracious” “golly, gee willikeeeeeeeers.” “Whaaaat? You daaaaaaaaaare?” “Noooooo, you daaaaare. You do not hunt other animaaals.” “Nooooooooooooooo.” “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees.” “Weeeeelllllllll…” (drag) “fuuuuuuuuuuuuck…” “as long as you give to my society for endangered animals afteeer.” “Maaaaaaay-beeeeeeee.” [Movie] And you can wear it around your neck always, and it will bring you luck. [Phelous] Well, I guess he didn’t say what KIND of luck. [Movie] I look forward to that bear bacon! Hehehehehehehe! Um… I, uh… (Imitating the screaming nuns from Dingo’s Hunchback) [Phelous] Needless to say, bear bacon loving hyenas were definitely around this region, which is why Dingo’s version is the only true retelling of these events. [Movie] Chief Powhatan has made peace with the neighboring tribe. It looks really bad for us. We will die of starvation. [Phelous] “Better than dying of lonliness.” [Movie] Times are bad, forget about us being enemies. We should do things together now–(cut off before word is finished) Things together, are you crazy? They really should do things together no–(clips word at the end) [Phelous] This vulture-hyena alliance is gonna lead to big things, as in more scenes of them talking to each other, with the vulture’s branch that moves along with them, and impacting the story precisely zero percent. But they certainly TALK about doing stuff…that they won’t. [Movie] No peace pipe, no peace, no peace, many corpses. That’s what we need now. “Many corpses is what we need now.” Oh, I love you, Dingo. [Movie] You almost made Pocahontas fall into the water! I am responsible for the chief. Yes, he expressly told me to watch his daughter. Hmm? [Phelous] “That bitch bird is making shit up.” “Heh heh heh heh heh heh.” [Movie] What a wonderful animal! Who killed it? [Clip from Transformers] I’ve never seen anything this beautiful in the entire galaxy. All right, give me the bomb. [Movie] I think that this bear, in some way or another, is a relative of mine. Well, I don’t know, I really don’t know. I don’t know if I’m more dumbfounded by the kanga-coon thinking a bear is its relative, or the man laughing about it! [Movie] very weird. Yes, I don’t like it. You will end up the same way if you continue this nonsense! [Phelous] That bird just threatened Wabuu would get murdered for not liking this murder? No wonder Wabuu’s catchphrase is “Most of the animals are so stupid.” A movie where humans can talk to animals becomes INFINITELY weirder when they also still hunt them. Like, do you think they just invited that bear over for lunch, then said “SURPRISE! YOU’RE LUNCH!” and murdered him? [Phelous] Maybe that bear just complained about its salmon one too many times. The whole situation makes Wabuu so angry he reverts to having his more Meeko like color scheme, before, you know, they lightened the area and his eyes making him a completely original character. Also, stupid dead salmon bear looks a lot like Grumpy Bear, So I’m gonna say grumpy Bear fell into a time portal and then got murdered in the past. It’s a nice thought. [Movie] Little Feather killed his first bear. [Clip from Dingo’s Wabuu film] Child murderer! Child murdererrrrrrrrr…. [Phelous] “This just got awkwaaaaaaaard.” “You’re telling me!” [Movie] It’s about time that you get your man name. [Phelous] “Dead Meeeeeeeeeat.” “I like that.” [Movie] You may smoke the peace pipe with me. [Phelous] “You’d better enjoy what little time you have leeeeeeeeeft.” [Movie] I’d like to see that, huh. I hope he gets ill! [Phelous] Is Wabuu already drunk? (heavy coughing) Okay, I think we’ve established now that this is all very messed up and everyone hates each other! Move on, Dingo! If you actually HAVE anything other than that. [Phelous] Even Pocahontas loves Dead Meat choking, and she might look a little familiar as Esmeralda is just a slightly redesigned version of her. Pocahontas even shares that same trait of sometimes having sandals based on what position she’s in. Nice. [Phelous] Amazingly, the Playstation version actually went to the vast effort of translating this. [Clip from Link: The Faces of Evil] Gee, it sure is boring around here! [Phelous] Oh no. Poor Aladdin and friends lost their hats. Dingo also kinda copies Disney’s design for Ratcliffe, though instead of naming the villain after a real person who seemingly didn’t really deserve it, Dingo went the much more classy route and named him Crunch…bone… Captain Crunchbone’s biscuits are the best for your dog’s teeth, Heh heh heh heh heh. [Movie] Will we never be hungry again in America? No, my son. Poverty will be over now, forever. Yeah, sure, that makes sense. [Movie] (giggling) Yes, yes, Princess. You are the best of all. [Phelous] Because you don’t really fit this shit at all, but it’s easier to just reuse our Aristocat rip-off character rather than have to draw a new pug one. [Movie] Hi, Soldier. Bring me a cup of fresh milk. Immediately, please. Shut up, little cat. It’s not known for sure if a cat REALLY hit on John Smith and that he denied her advances, but that’s the story he told. [Movie] One-a day, I’m gonna kill-a this cat and serve-a him [sic] to Mr Crunch-a-bone-a for lunch! What the FUCK?!? What the fuck is the matter with everyone?? [Phelous] I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that serving your boss HIS PET for dinner isn’t gonna be the best way to keep your job, you stupid Italian chef that has no business being in this story! Also, I thought this was a statue or something, then we see it as a rubber neck, so apparently that’s just some casual “short Asian” stereotyping. Ha ha, thank you for THAT, Dingo. [Movie] (atonal singing) Come along and on board… to America, to America, to America, to America! Aw, Dingo thought they could do songs earlier on. How cute. [Movie] Not bad, Pocahontas. Soon you will be able to keep up with me. [Phelous] “Now I’M the leader!” “Ha ha ha ha ha!” After Wabuu tells them of the white man arriving several times, because dingo absolutely loves people reiterating points over and over, Chief “My God!” sends Dead Meat out to check on them. He’ll be fine! For now… (imitating Wabuu’s laugh) [Movie] Everyone should know, I was your captain not only on the ship, but I am your boss here on land, too! Probably should have established that before you left. [Movie] As soon as you are sober again, you start looking for gold! [Phelous] A bug crawling across the screen. It’s comforting to know that Dingo will always strive to reach new lows. We then learn that John Smith was just not a big fan of Bambi. [Movie] (gunshots) [Phelous] “LET’S BURN RIVER!” The pale fuckers COULD make a settlement, but why SETTLE for that when you can just pop out an entire old-west town overnight? Seriously, they just immediately create this whole stupid “old east” town, complete with the Crunchbone saloon. They have somehow even managed to already have graffiti, which just makes all kinds of sense for so many reasons. [Movie] It’s terrible! I don’t think it’s so bad. [Phelous] This is probably why Wabuu went back to the future for his later movies, he needed more modern conveniences to become a more effective child murderer. Anyway, Wabuu of course checks out the saloon first, and he even brought his black censor bar with him. I guess we can imagine what he’s doing here. He then checks out the old alleyway with garbage cans. I’m just appalled that most versions of Pocahontas forgot this part. [Movie] How can anyone eat garbage? Hehehehehehehe, A very little lion with a decoration around its neck! You have to tie your head in order it doesn’t drop off! [Phelous] You’ve just got [Movie] Hahaha, yes, that’s an amusing Indian. You want to steal our supply? Oh, wait, we’ll settle that advance. Whoooooaaa heeeeeeelp! (distressed laugh) What is going on? Dingo movies, they’re just like a sanity test! [Movie] He’s killing Wabuu! Let Wabuu loose immediately! You are hurting him! You think you are brave, you white man, to punish helpless animals! [Phelous] “In MY village we treat them right! Unless they complain about salmon,” “THEN THEY’RE DEAD!” Glad they both just speak English in this one. It makes way more sense when a talking tree shoots out magical wind to make them understand each other, just like how it happened in real life! What? [Phelous] John Smith also looks a little familiar, too, doesn’t he? Yeah. [Movie] (English and German singing being played simultaneously) Her eyes…(indecipherable)… …can’t get her off my mind. Well, at least with the sad “We’re Going To America” song they managed not to put it over the German track and just make a mess! [Phelous] “What am I doing here? BE DIAMOOOOOOONDS!!” [Movie] Everything would have gone well if the silly cat had not betrayed me! If I should see her again, I’ll teach her a lesson! [Phelous] “Oh shit! I’m about to jump into the river!” [Movie] “How can you eat garbage?” Heeheeheeheeheehee [Phelous] Oh Wabuu, you’re so high. [Movie] Pocah, are you listening to me at all? …like the deepest blue of the sea… WAT? Agreed. [Movie] It’s a long time since you visited me, Pocahontas, what’s going on, my girl? Holy fuck… …I’ve seen the face of death… …and it’s a bush [Phelous] That is just some damn creepy ass shit! So it was Grandmother Willow in the Disney one, what is the damn demon bush supposed to be? [Movie] Yes, Old Bush. Brilliant. [Movie] Their chief has offered a prize for every dead Indian. It may become a big fight. If this should happen, there would be terrible bloodshed and your people would be destroyed. [Phelous] “I would love that. Bring me the blood when it falls.” “BRING ME BLOOOOOOOOOOD!” “Oh, Old Bush! Hee hee hee!” [Movie] (CHOMP) [Phelous] Look, even the horse wants this damn abomination bush dead! [Movie] Today I met one of the white men. For no reason he annoyed Wabuu, but when I talked to him, he changed completely. [Phelous] “He’s just horny. Bring me his blood.” Well, thank fuck they’ve got proper fish and chips going on over in old-west town… they might have forgotten why they actually came here at this point, which was gold, because that panther already got all the diamonds. [Movie] Hello, Pocah! You’ve probably been looking for me. I wasn’t looking for you You weren’t looking for me? I wasn’t looking for you. I wasn’t looking for you. I wasn’t looking for you. That cat is really unbearable, but nevertheless, she’s quite charming. Ooh, yes. Wabuu! Could it be that you’re in love with her? Rubbish! [Phelous] EUGH, what the shit, Dingo? You know, if a raccoon actually was going to blush, its fur wouldn’t change color, you idiots! [Movie] I have talked with the Old Bush again. PFFFFFFFFTTTT HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I love this stupid over-the-shoulder shot of Wabuu! Apparently, this was too crap, even for Dingo, to ever use again, because I never saw it again after this. So, yeah, behold: the shot deemed too bad, even by DINGO standards! [Movie] I thought I’d never see you again. You angry at me the last time when we met. Remember? [Phelous] “Yeah, remember? You didn’t forget you were angry at me, right?” [Movie] If it isn’t important to know a name’s meaning, How do you recognize each other? By…looking at our faces, of course. [Phelous] Pfft, someone tell that to the Cinderella prince. [Movie] What rubbish! “By the face,” the white men all look the same! [Phelous] Oh, that Wabuu! [Movie] Pocahontas means, uh, little rascal. Pocahontas…little rascal…I like that… [Phelous] “What a creep! And look who’s saying that!” [Movie] You are ready to kill for gold? We use it to make jewelry, and I’m happy about that, But you obviously love gold because it is only gold. It’s noble to want gold as jewelry, but if you want gold because it’s only gold, you’ve got a lesson to learn… FROM THE BLOOD BUSH! (bizarre feral screeching) [Movie] You’re a carnivore! And you don’t want to see dead animals? Still I like you. Yeah… Imagine if I hunt it myself, and all the blood were on my nice white fur. Oh dear! I reckon you must clean yourself up! I bet that you can’t even do that! It’s not necessary to clean myself. Every evening. I’m brushed until my fur is very shiny. EEEEEEWWW! Dirty pussy! I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but, Wabuu, you can do better! [Movie] I belong to Mr. Crunchbone. Yes, yes. I know your Mr. Crunchbone is a cruel and blown-up pompous man, but he’s the one who the white people have made their chief, because they’re so stupid! [Movie] (as new music starts) Don’t say anything about Mr. Crunch! [Phelous] Whoo! Peter Gunn rip-off theme again! And it fits somehow LESS this time. [Movie] That’s not bad for a beginning! [sic] [Phelous] Man, these sequences are so weird to follow. The cat jumps into Wabuu’s chest, a squirrel laughs, then suddenly they’re just having a chat again. It’s nonsense! It’s barely animated nonsense! [Movie] Didn’t I hurt you? Teh ha ha ha… Definitely not [Phelous] (pained sounds) Anyway, Wabuu song time! [Movie] (same English singing over German singing) I am the Wabuu… …(indecipherable)…and I don’t need any shoes Oh man, that Wabuu! He doesn’t need a shoe! He also doesn’t need to be comprehensible… [Movie] Wow wow, shoopy doopy doo, (music and German singing cuts out abruptly) I am the Wabuu… I AM THE WABUUUUUUUU!!!!!! [Movie] Look here! That is firewater! [Movie] They have forced him to drink the firewater! Look at him! (wah-wah-wah music) [Phelous] Okay, cool, that guy’s wasted, get to the damn raccoon drinking! [Movie] They should make you an offer of how they can pay for this offense. If they refuse to, then we have got (awkward pause) to fight (another pause) I guess, then. [Phelous] Wait, which one was the one drinking? [Movie] Oh dear. Oh dear… (slurred drunken rambling about nothing) This is unbelievable! Oooooooh, I’m so sick! [Phelous] Man, that’s the quickest hangover ever! Very impressive, Wabuu. [Movie] Don’t shoot, Finnegan! That’s Pocahontas! Nein! (???) (gunshots) No one is sure that’s how it really went, but most say no. [Movie] The chief wants presents from you in order to pay for these offenses. If I can’t bring him an offer, there will be a fight. [Phelous] “And this became the first Christmas!” People aren’t sure if this is REALLY how Christmas started, but– Shut up! Your reviews are so stupid! Heh heh heh heh heh [Movie] Stay here. They’re, go immediately! (???) Don’t shoot! Nein! Nein! Don’t shoot! (dramatic sting) Oh, your chain hasn’t brought you any luck, Quick Spear. [Phelous] Ah, it really is lovely to see something like this done so ineptly, so thank you, Dingo pictures. Thank you. This is completely different than how the disney version did it, too, because it was an OLD guy who shot Dead Meat instead of a YOUNG guy! Though I can say Dingo’s death had more blood. I’ll explain that it was not a bad intention, they’ll understand it. “I’ll explain he was killed with good intentions and we’ll have peace forever!” [Movie] It’s all my fault! [Phelous] “I took a chunk out of your ass!” [Movie] No war will be started because of you. It is because of smoking cloud. PTHUUUU! What? [Movie] (clear drum sound) Actually, a log would not make that noise. [Movie] Our lord demands that blood be paid with blood. [Phelous] “How much blood? I’m a regular blood donator.” (guttural) “AAAALLLLL THE BLOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!” (Dingo’s wah-wah music) Well, Pocahontas really is off talking to the Blood Bush again, and luckily for Alan Smithee, Chief “My God!” has just been talking about killing him for hours without actually doing it, so Wabuu and the Aristocat have time to go get her and come back. [Movie] The law isn’t fair! [Phelous] “Oh, I never thought of it that way.” “Kill him!” (same clip of the wah-wah music) Oh, I’m being silly, apparently “the law isn’t fair” IS a good argument, so Chief Powerline calls the whole thing off. [Movie] No! Attention, chief! Watch it watch it! (gunshots) Listen to him, Chief Powhatan. He’s a good man. [Phelous] That John Smith, he takes getting shot really well… [Movie] Send me the white man who dared shoot at Chief Powhatan! [Clip from Get Smart] Sorry about that, chief! [Movie] If you don’t do that… then you will all die! Truly, the Chief has learned a lesson… Threaten people with death, it gets shit done quicker. [Movie] (in a nasally female voice) There was no need to shoot the chief. [Phelous] Yeah, that seems like the right voice to come out of him. [Movie] I shall always be deeply in debt to you my, white brother. I can understand your sorrow, my daughter. It is better this way. Will you go back to England? No, I’m staying with you. Will you please remove my ribbon? Yeah with pleasuuuuure INAPROPRIATE!! (same 2 language in one Wabuu song) [Movie] Someday, white people and red people will live together in peace. [Phelous] “BUT NOT TODAY!” (Blood Bush screeching) (people screaming and jumping overboard) This movie may have been slightly inaccurate to the actual events. No one can be really sure. This is, I suppose, one of the more ambitious Dingo movies. It’s one of their longest. They attempted a few songs, though they fucked all but one up by having the German audio play over the English one. Also the audio sync is eeeeh, alright. It’s not as bad as they’d get later on. Soooooo…uh… Wabuu, how did you time-travel after this movie? PTHUUUU! WHAT?!? (outro music) Most in these public domain cartoons are so stupid. NO!

how NOT to take art criticism – painting a picture of shane dawson

how NOT to take art criticism – painting a picture of shane dawson


Shane Dawson can’t take criticism, his videos
are unnecessarily long and overrated, and his interactions with people who disagree
with him are gross, because they point to a desire to always be right and a fear of
betraying the false illusion of himself that he set up for his fans . . . is what a sociopath
would say. Listen, Shane Dawson is perfect, okay. This is Jesus. This is normal people. And this is Shane Dawson. Do you understand why they’re are almost at the
same level? Because they’re both doing the work of God. So yes, it’s me. Rejoice, for today father is blessing you
with fanart. And by fanart, I mean putting a popular
YouTuber in the title of this video for views because you know how I operate. I’m kind of ashamed to admit this, but I’m
what you would call: a Shane Dawson stan. And actually, why am I even ashamed? I’m allowed to support Shane Dawson, okay. Part of my fascination with him actually comes
from my background . He is a film-maker, and I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Film Production. Now, I’ve made actual short films in the
past for school, and , film-making. . . it’s . . . it’s not that hard. But you know what, it’s hard for Shane Dawson,
and as a college student I don’t know what it’s like, and neither do you. So stop criticizing him! If you do that, you’re just spreading drama
and being dramatic at the same time. You’re trying to cancel a human being, and human beings
don’t deserve to be cancelled, so I am cancelling anybody who has anything to say about him that isn’t pure, unfiltered praise. If you feel differently about him than I do,
I hate to break this to you but you’re definitely a sociopath. And how dare anyone out there make fun of
Shane after all she’s been through!!! Speaking of sociopaths, Shane Dawson just
released an eight-part (yes, eight) series about Jake Paul (yeah I know) and let me just
say, even though Jake Paul, the title character, didn’t show up until part 5 and the series
did not deliver on what was in the trailer or episode one whatsoever, and you might be
thinking that I wasted 7 hours of my life watching it . . . No. You wasted 7 hours of your life, by not watching
it, and I hope you’ll find something more productive to do with your time in the future. Lol. My favorite part about this series is how
the first episode, or episodes (I don’t remember, 7 hours is a really long time) gave
a lot of misleading and/or flat-out incorrect information about sociopaths. It made sociopaths out to be these monstrous daredevils who would stick out like a sore thumb in society, when in reality,
sociopaths use charm or wit to manipulate others, which arguably you’d be pretty good at if you
got 18 million people to smash the subscribe button (goals), they display impulsiveness
and a failure to plan ahead, like constantly having to push back episodes of your own documentary
series, and they show failure to consider negative consequences of behavior and failure to learn
from those consequences, like repeatedly quote-tweeting quote-tweeting tweets that criticize you, exposing those
commenters to your entire enraged fanbase, even when those people criticizing you have expressly
stated that they thought they were being helpful and they meant no harm. Those are all qualities of a sociopath too—Wait,
what’s that? You’re going to accuse me of insinuating
that Shane Dawson is a sociopath? Well, go ahead. Oh wait—you can’t. Because I put words on the screen saying I’m
not doing that. Sorry. Shane Dawson is not a sociopath, and he is
not a manipulator, okay? Bobby Burns made one video, full of good
points, in which he accused Shane of making terrible content and being a dishonest manipulator, and then Shane Dawson literally invited Bobby Burns to his house, gave him a car,
gave him a huge platform, and is now considered largely responsible for making Bobby as famous
as he is today. He did all this because he’s not a manipulator
and he needed to make sure that everyone around him, including Bobby, knew that. Because people who are definitely not things,
feel the need to make sure everyone knows that they’re not those things, even if that
means responding to channels that are 100 times smaller than you, or replying to a tweet that has
less than twenty likes. What do you think, Shane is not allowed to
defend himself just because he has 18 million subscribers? And honestly, how dare Bobby even make that
video in the first place. The fact that he had good points doesn’t
matter, since he was probably jealous and he just made it to get some easy views like
I’m attempting to do right now, and honestly, that is pathetic. Shane Dawson would never put someone’s name
in the title of every single video in an eight part series just to get some extra views,
so the fact that people are doing it to him . . . disgusts me. All you people care about is ad revenue and
making money off of her!! She’s a human!!!!!! So what if Bobby Burns pretty much went through
an identity crisis after Shane did all of that and is now dealing with a bunch of bitter
Shane Dawson fans? Leaving people with a bunch of his bitter
fans is what Shane Dawson does best, and honestly, they were being rude first and he has a good
heart and he’s such an inspiration and he’s a sweet and innocent thirty-year-old man,
so . . . it’s what they deserve. It’s interesting how, when Shane Dawson
reacted to Bobby’s video on his channel, he left out this part. A fact that, for some reason, everyone seems
to forget about Shane Dawson is the fact that he used blackface . . . like, a lot. But it’s okay, because he apologized, right? And honestly, I would leave that part out too
because I’m in blackface literally every day of my life. Lol. Like honestly, is blackface really that offensive? It was a different time, less than ten years
ago. I swear to God, people get offended by literally
everything nowadays. Here are some more relatable clips of Shane
Dawson that I’m sure we can all relate to. How fly do Iook? I mean, really. Hey!! Oh n– b– monkey woman! I’m sorry, when I become Nicki I just get
so angry! The word of the day is . . . Ni– There goes my ad revenue, which is ironic
if you think about it. And he apologized, so you’re no longer allowed
to bring it up. Shane Dawson has a big heart okay, he’s just
a caring person. He made a documentary on Jake Paul even when
he knew that it would upset some people. When he sees a problem, he risks his image
and his security to make sure that people know the truth. But I told you a few months back, in a conspiracy
video, that there are so many child molesters in Hollywood that are protected. And Kevin Spacey was one of them. I knew. Like, I had heard the stories, but I was too
afraid to say anything, because it wasn’t like, directly connected to me, like it didn’t
happen to me. But I knew he was one of the guys that was
out there possibly molesting people. When he sees a problem, he usually risks his
image and his security to make sure that people know the truth. So what are the lessons we can learn from
this as artists? Well, it all boils down to . . . If you work
hard on something, then you don’t deserve to be criticized, whatsoever. If someone brings up a criticism against you,
whether you think it’s valid , whether they said it nicely or not . . .They can literally
. . . do that. If you’re working hard on something that
nobody asked for and is therefore a personal choice, you have every right to get upset
with people who call you out for anything, including not living up to your own statements
and promises. And to all of you doing the call-outs, stop
being a fake “fan”. If you criticize someone, you’re not a fan
of them. And if you don’t follow Shane Dawson on
Twitter, then you’re a fake fan too. You’re just a hater in disguise with nothing
better to do. What you don’t realize is that Shane is making
you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about her!!!! Draw attention to your detractors by sharing
their comments, and draw attention away from yourself by deleting your mistakes and
refusing to apologize. And if you do apologize, just apologize to
yourself for stooping down to their level in the first place. And if someone brings up something that happened
more than two minutes ago, shut them down because it’s old news. That’s just called standing up for yourself. And if you wind up looking bad in the process,
your fans will just point out that there are other things that look even worse than you
do, so it doesn’t matter. When you have that many subscribers, when
you have 18 million subscribers and fans, it doesn’t matter, because at the end of
the day nothing is going to knock you off of the top. You don’t have to treat people nicely, you
don’t have to appreciate your fans, you don’t have to make documentary-quality videos
as long as the majority of your fanbase has never seen a real documentary. You don’t even have to have to hide the
fact that you’re filming lengthy videos to make yourself seem like a good person over
and over, as long as you can find another questionable YouTuber who agrees to let you
make them seem better as well. You just have to exist, and the whole world
should thank you for it and just get over any mistakes you’ve made in the past, because
you’re trying hard, you’re going through a lot, and you are the greatest thing to ever
happen to this website, and everyone around you, is a stan . . . like me. I just painted a picture of Shane Dawson. And you can find that image, on my Twitter,
along with all of my questionable content. And looks like I got ten minutes of content
out of this, so . . . Leave a like, tell me what you think, and subscribe if you haven’t
already. Thank you for watching and a big thank you
to my 29,000 subscribers. Okay bye. Leave her alone!!

New Camera Evidence Leads to Project Zorgo Scavenger Hunt Clues!! (CWC Mystery Decoder Found)

New Camera Evidence Leads to Project Zorgo Scavenger Hunt Clues!! (CWC Mystery Decoder Found)


okay walkie-talkies in the bag
walkie-talkies check oh hey Sharers what’s going on Steve what is that when
we go exploring in the snow outside if we get cold we can turn this thing on
warm our hands check this thing out it’s our latest spy gadget and we’re ready to
put it to the test oh oh yes begin spy gadget I made my very very own spy
gadget at home check this out whoa what does that do grace here check this out
as you know these footsteps go all the way to the woods but you don’t know how
far it back they go so we need to make sure we’re marking our track so we can
find our way back home so look at this one I mean if you spray it oh yeah we
see pinkish red that’s where we know we were and we can trace our steps all the
way back home homemade spy gadget I love it Sharers smash like one for grace that’s
actually a really creative idea and last but not least the last spy guys we have
is the binocular so we can see what’s coming far far far ahead of us in so far
coast looks clear grace let’s pack up to share the love backpack let’s get out
science Sharers we’ve gotta find out why this trail is here and where this trail
goes too sure as you know in last vlog we got these project zorgo photos
developed and we set up these math so we can figure out his path and the big
thing we found out was the last photo check this out it’s super important the
project zorgo member is pointing to a trail in the woods which is right there
and that’s exactly why we have to share the love backpack we’re heading out to
explore this trail you ready grace I’m ready
and sunny out it’s not as cold as it was yesterday it’s a perfect day to go
exploring how far back does this go I don’t know oh wait grace quick grab your
spray bottle oh whoa we almost forgot the most important spy gadget see Sharers
we don’t know why but these footsteps came all the way from the woods out
there all the way to the merch store room right in there
we don’t think anyone made it into the merch room but we’re not sure who these
footprints are from I mean check out these footprints these are the biggest
footprints I’ve ever seen these are my footprints right there these are the
footprints from whoever got close to the mushroom yeah this person animal Monster
is huge coal spray right here so you don’t get lost right here yeah okay
perfect okay so grace is marking out the trail so we don’t get lost let’s keep
going back into the woods what are we gonna find
I don’t know but graceless let’s hurry and I want the Sun to set on us we got
to get back into these woods we’re right on track right here we got the prop line
and the blue marker blue marker there just like yesterday it looks like no
one’s use the trail sense yet mark that right there okay so this is where we got
to yesterday and we got lost because this is where the trail starts gathering
a lot more footprints there’s some here that might be from us yesterday but then
there’s footprints down there there’s footprints farther down this way and
there’s footprints all over so we’re really not sure where to go so great I
don’t know if we need to split up or if we can figure out which way that person
might have gone we wait there oh great sweet that’s something what is it what
is that footsteps Wow what what is this very welcome you are now a member of
Ikon Ikon what’s that I have no idea wait how to use your new decoder for us
wait a second decoder wise this sounds so familiar I guess our equals key so
all your food is line up the art of the key and then you’ll know what’s symbol
the letter equals Oh chat walk lazy coder grace look it’s Chad walk this
decoder thing whoa but is sure this didn’t just like
blow in the wind like it was leftover from someone else and not for us I don’t
know let’s just hang onto it just in case yeah wait a second
what look why do you see that yes markers markers
there’s markers look at this there’s markers wait there’s some blue ones
right there by the trailer and pink ones way ahead and look there’s a fresh set
of footprints going straight there we gotta go that way quick mark right here
so get lost right here quick quick quick mark it off pace let’s go this way come
on this way through the woods follow these footprints right here look at that
keep going grace come on come on we gotta go we gotta go the perfect path
keep going keep going look straight to the markers here
there’s new ones there’s pink and blue look at this pink one on a super long
steak too and then there’s pink and blue on this one yeah mark that up right
there what could that’s me I don’t know okay but now that we’re here where do we
go what’s the next one where do we go next
wait a second there’s blue and there’s pink yeah there be two different people
marking their steps it’s got to be the same crew because there’s two different
people someone would come see the pink one and then someone would come and see
the blue one it’s gotta be people from the same team and this footprint still
keep going this way so I think we got to keep going this way yeah let’s go what
whoa whoa whoa what is this careful this is barbed wire Pookie look at that
what whoa aah careful this is really sharp
whoa what does this lead to whoa whoa it’s like a rope
yikes what is barbed wire doing out here I don’t know whoa look at this grace
whoa this is crazy oh wait wait wait wait look at that is
that something up there we’re down on the ground right there what is it do you see anything it’s a
note a note waits an arrow an arrow and it’s pointing that way
coin this way but look what’s that oh what is it I think it’s the Chad wild
clay logo is it look it’s pointing that way so we must have to go this way okay
just be very careful getting around there’s barbed wire all around here but
let’s go this way grace okay keep going this way here mark it right here so we
don’t run into that barbed wire again okay yeah mark that really good got to
be careful in this area right here Sharers okay and then I guess we keep
going this way yeah that’s where the air was pretty yeah well I’m gonna put this
in my pocket too wait so that’s two Chad wild clay type things that we got and
wait what I think we’re following someone else’s
paths and picking up their clues because that note was left right by the stake
yeah we don’t have access to the stakes someone else does and you’re right grace
if it wasn’t for the snowstorm we never would have found these tracks yeah okay
we got to keep going if we get these Clues before the other person will be
one step ahead yeah okay go grace go go go go go quick go go go quick what I
think there’s markers down there you’re right grace markers in the woods
straight ahead keep going this way go go go go go come on come on come on careful
careful careful oh I did something good what okay quick grace you go be careful
this is a steep hill we don’t know what’s underneath the snow sure is we
got about six inches of snow so it’s super deep we got to be careful cuz we
don’t know what’s underneath the snow look at that what what is it whoa one of the members fell down there yeah
you’re right don’t let that happen to us okay be careful grace super steep hill
whoa it’s super steep very steep I’m trying to make it oh it’s all muddy
underneath it upright so slippery and coming well what is it what is that look
what is that is that a noodle this is a swim noodle why is that there and it’s
blue and pink and orange and orange what does all that mean
what is it covering I don’t know wait what on the end on the end on the end
quick quick Oh what is that no no grab that what’s
it say what’s it say wait it’s like a another symbol another
symbol like a rhombus or a diamond this stuff has to mean something I’m gonna
put it in my pocket great we got to keep going this way there’s more footprints
keep going the next clue before the other person gets it quick mark this
spot grace let’s get going go go go gotta find these other footprints go
yeah Sharers I’m not sure how much time we have before that other member comes
back whoa pricker bush we got a hurry go grace markers right here go go go
perfect okay there’s another clue okay book
quick quickly hook what is it what is this whoa what is that it’s like a
ball I’m not sure put it here Steve I’m just gonna mark this spot real quick
okay mark I’ll put this bin here okay okay
and now grace I think we gotta cross that River right there oh boy that water
must be freezing yeah grace don’t fall in let’s go whoa
oh boy okay here I go whoa nice okay keep going footprints
right here uh looks like it could be deep there so just be careful just go
around here just in case and the footprints keep going somewhere over
this way there’s like a perfect trail to keep going keep going keep going we just
need another marker where is the next marker keep your eyes peeled great one
we got to find another marker oh yeah look this one on the log right here Tom
the law you got to be careful grace there’s a lot of snow covering this
stuff look at this though these footprints literally went right on
the log whoa how did I do that I don’t know okay be careful don’t fall through
because there’s water at the bottom yeah careful grace when we got to get down
here there’s a stake down here yeah see oh yeah I see its way underneath I’m
gonna jump on the count of three ready okay wait grace there’s a clue here you
found it what is it what is it right here it’s like a hot chocolate log hot
chocolate same I don’t know are these clues like I have a meaning or are they
just trying to throw us off Oh grace yeah
what wait what do you mean look grace the the footprints are drying
up they basically go right here and then there’s like no snow left it just
becomes water in oh I think we’re too late
yeah this is not good where do we go now no I I don’t think we found enough clues
no I don’t think so either well this is what we found so far we
found this thing how to use your new decoder instructions but that could have
just been trashed and then we found these a hot chocolate mug a ball oh
wait what wait I think I see something what hold on what come here look at this
what oh my this is what we need what what is how do I get out what look
Oh what is that look oh my gosh grace that’s a chat wall click decoder wheel water yeah there’s ice and everything –
great wait how long’s been in the water for
there’s ice on it it’s like really cold oh my goodness there’s literally ice on this
thing oh okay I guess it’s waterproof but what do we
do now we need to use those clues that we found and figure out what they mean
okay yeah yeah yeah okay okay so maybe this adds up look how to use your new
decoder turn the inner wheel until the S is paired with it with the key oh the
key so ask pairs with the key remember we use this at the Game Master escape
her mansion yeah this is chatting these things so s is paired with a key where
is a key a key just like that so the arrow is lined up with a key okay
we got that and now I know what to do yeah get those symbols out okay so the
first symbol we had was an arrow an arrow look an arrow is N and okay so we
know n is one of the letters second symbol was a diamond diamond or a
diamond would be a diamond it’s a D oh D okay next one is a ball
a ball is a P and then the last one is a hot chocolate mug hot
chocolate mug is an O oh there it is an O okay so all the letters lined up equal
that but it’s good we got to make some sort of word out of it
d n p OD n P Oh what is that spell pond pond maybe have to do is the sheriff in
Poland what does our pot have to do with it I don’t know maybe like the next clue
is there or something okay I’m coming great time coming we gotta
get back to the pond go go go follow the red follow the red gnome the
creek go go go go go go go fatherfather come on come on come on let’s go I don’t
think anyone’s been down here I don’t see any footprints or anything
the snow is completely fresh there’s like nothing so what could be down here
what are we searching for be careful great we don’t know where the
edge of the spawn did so you don’t want to fall in after that it would
definitely be very cold you’re showing the cold pond with ice on it oh wait
look bucket in the middle the pond there I don’t know let’s get a closer look at
wait look look look look look at that yep that one right out of the pond
up towards the house yeah from the merge room door – there’s footprints
everywhere right here but it stops right here so that was the last one how do
they get the bucket in the water – here all the way up to the house wait
a second what a piece of note like a cold piece of note behind the bucket I
don’t know let’s go check it out wait the buckets actually moving do you see
that yeah hold on Gracie somehow we’ve gotta get that bucket we need like a
bowl or something I don’t think this water is going to be strong enough do
you think you’d step on it okay we’re gonna get some more clues green so we
can get that bucket out of the water yeah there’s something in there okay
we’re gonna go grab some tools we gotta get this bucket out of the cold pond
we’ll see you tomorrow sure so until then you know what to do
stay awesome and share the love

Balto (Dingo Pictures) – Phelous

Balto (Dingo Pictures) – Phelous


Phelous: Are you all ready for the story of Brave the Husky? Cuz I’m not! And I’m not sure the world is either, considering how ominously orange it is out. ♪ [Dingo’s unfitting techno music] ♪ So pretty much everything about this cover is a lie. There’s no husky named Brave, and the main character isn’t even brown. This is Dingo Pictures’ version of Balto. And that’s exactly the title that pops up during the movie: “Balto”. There’s nothing about “The Adventures of Brave the Husky”. Which is apparently supposed to be “The Brave Husky” according to this DVD when you actually pop it in; It’s just they arranged the text so horribly on their cover, that it reads “Brave the Husky”. I’m glad, though, that on the DVD label, Brown Brave-Balto is chatting himself up. Anyway, this, of course, is a ripoff of the 1995 animated Balto film, that was loosely based on the true story of the husky Balto. And his being a part of the 1925 diphtheria antitoxin serum run to Nome. I don’t know why Dingo didn’t just draw from the real story instead of copying the Universal movie. Oh, wait. Yeah, I do. Because they’re Dingo Pictures. Balto is even colored mostly gray like he was in the ’95 movie, despite the fact that the real Balto was mostly black. Which is a lot closer to the villain from the ’95 movie, and Dingo of course copied that, too. Other copied elements include giving Balto a love interest that he fights with the villain over, and comic relief polar bears that can’t swim. Though they were younger in the Universal one, and in Dingo’s, it’s just one, and it’s Dingo’s usual bear colored white. And he could swim; he just whined about it a lot. (dryer than usual): That’s totally original, I was wrong. Dingo also really showed some restraint, I guess, by not making their Balto a wolf-dog hybrid, and leaving him a full husky as he was in reality. This is also one of the few Dingo Pictures movies to actually open up with their name displayed. Guess they’re really proud of this one. And why shouldn’t they be? I mean, look at that water! For Dingo Pictures, that’s getting really ambitious! Anyway, we start off with something super important: a bunch of penguins. Bet they’d love to get all Tappy Toes on us, but they’re not a part of this actual story. Nor should they even be living in this area. But Dingo’s animal grouping never really makes a lot of sense, does it? [seal barking] You see, the thing with Dingo Pictures is they know how to get you really drawn into their stories right away. And what a shocker that Dingo’s seals are pretty much the same thing as their otters. Truly a shocking reuse of assets. Polar bear: [shivering] I’m so cold! Polar bear: [deep breath] Freeeeezing! Seal (sounding like the judge from Dingo’s Hunchback): You’re crazy! Freezing polar bear. A real polar bear never freezes. Phelous (as Judge Seal): As High Judge Seal, I think I have total authority to tell you whether or not you’re allowed to be cold! Polar bear: I don’t care! Seal: You are quite impossible. Phelous: Oh, yes, these polar bears are just imPOSSible! Polar bear: [more shivering] Phelous: Hope you like the “polar bear is cold” joke, cuz THEY’RE GONNA KEEP DOIN’ IT! Seal: Rubbish! If you don’t like it– here– Go to Sahara! The desert! Phelous (as seal): Maybe you could learn to talk NATURALLY there, because you aren’t around me! Seal: Then there’s no hope for you! Adult-sounding child: You two arguing again? What’s it about this time? Phelous: Uggh! Ugly Kid! Ehhh, I shouldn’t be so judgmental. I’ll give him another sho– No, he’s ugly. And we’re on a reused character roll here, as this disgusting child was also used in Dingo’s Peter and the Wolf. Also, we’re apparently just going with “humans can understand what animals are saying” in this one. Well, they didn’t do that in the ’95 Balto! Dingo definitely based THAT part on the real story. Seal: He’s freezing. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Ugly Kid: If he’s cold, I’ll bring you a scarf tomorrow, and then you won’t freeze so much. Polar bear: A scaaaaaaaAAAAARF? [same line, but slowed down] Phelous (already bored): Man. I am all over this “will the bear get a scarf?” plot line. IS BALTO GONNA SHOW UP ANYTIME SOON?! Seal: No one spoils me. Or do you have some gloves for meee? Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ugly Kid: But if you wear gloves, you won’t be able to catch any fish! Phelous: Yeah, that’d be the ONLY issue with a seal wearing gloves. Ugly Kid: Do you have any fish for me today? Phelous: Just like in real life, everyone in Nome, Alaska just got seals to do their fishing for them. Seal: Nothing exciting happens here. Phelous (through gritted teeth): You can say THAT again!!! Anyway, kids should always hang out with polar bears. That’s a good idea. They’ll give you Coca-Cola! Polar bear: I also want to fish! I’m hunnnnngry! Seal: Then catch one! Whiny polar bear: But it’s too cold for me out there! [pause so you can look at that ugly mug] And it’s even colder in the water! Then I’ll catch a cold! Phelous: Dingo is really good at creating annoying bear characters. Guess they have THAT going for them. Balto (with the unfittingly evil Black Panther/Frollo voice): Timbu, get your paws off them! Phelous: That’s really the voice they’re going with for Balto? The evil Black Panther voice? (as Black Balto): I don’t have time to go on stupid serum runs when I need to get all the DIAMONDS!!! (normal): And yes, Balto’s girlfriend Judy is just the Balto character model with a little pinkish lining in a couple of spots. Guess we know what Balto sees in her! Glad another thing Dingo seems to be good at is characters falling in love because they’re the same person slightly tweaked. Judy: There are far too many for us. Go on, take some, Timbu. Seal: Just don’t come asking me to catch any more fish for you! [humming that sound a lot like Nelson Muntz’s “HA-ha!”] Phelous: Creepy. Timbu: Nico is bringing me a scarf tomorrow! Phelous: It’s a shame the 1925 serum run really overshadowed the Polar Bear Scarf Run. Balto: It’s unbelievable. [long, awkward pause] Phelous (as Timbu): Oh, I guess I like that. I dunno, I’m stupid. (normal): Mmmmm, yes, THAT seems structurally sound. Not-Steele: [weak growl] I’ve been watching you. Balto: So what? Phelous (as Balto, singing poorly): ♪ I always feel like… somebody’s WATCHing meeeeeee ♪ And if anyone IS going to watch me, I’d want it to be ME! Colored slightly differently. Not-Steele: You are trying to get off with Judy again. Balto was trying to GET OFF with Judy, was he? Probably not the best choice of words for your kids’ film there, Dingo! Balto: Balto, you’re just jealous. Phelous: Wait, WHAT? Did Balto just call the evil dog… BALTO?? Guess they’re so similar, even Balto can’t remember who he is. Not-Steele: HAAAAAH. I’ll show Judy who the smarter and stronger of us is. Phelous (as Not-Steele): By doing this: [anemic “HAAAAAH” looped three times] [both dogs growling] Phelous: Haven’t seen such an epic battle since Lion and the King. Frontiersman obviously voiced by a woman: What real sleigh dogs need is exercise, otherwise, they get up… to no good all the time. [pause] That’s what they do. Phelous: Oh, good! Like Dingo just awkwardly talking rubbish just to fill in the lip flaps! That’s what they do! Mother: Doc, do you have a moment for my Mary? She’s got a fever and complains that her throat aches. Doc: I’ll go and have a look at her. Hmmm, by the way…. If I’m with you anyway, ummm, what’s for dinner? Phelous (as Doc): Maybe we can cook up your daughter, because she’s damn sure not going to survive my rubbish care! Mmmmm, dinnerrr! Mother: Alright, Doc, I get the message. You’re invited. Frontiersman: Hee heh heh heh heh! Phelous: THE ONLY DOCTOR WE HAVE AROUND HERE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT DOING HIS JOB??? THAT’S HILARIOUS!!! Frontiersman: Enjoy your meal. Meeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaal. And you two are gonna come training with me. I have had eNOUGH of your quarreling. [pause again] That’s what I have. Phelous: Wow, the filler dialogue isn’t even trying to make sense anymore. I think the evil dog, Komo, might have jaundice. Then Balto and Komo have a race! Because there was a race in that OTHER animated Balto film! Timbu: I bet that Balto wins! Seal: Me, too! Timbu: I said it first! Phelous: Though the ’95 Balto was missing such brilliant dialogue from a seal and bear, so Dingo-Balto wins. Seal: Heeheeheeheehee! Komo won! Frontiersman: Bravo, Komo. And Balto, you could at least try to be a bit faster. [Balto growls] Wabuu: And that’s when Balto had decided… Komo must diiiieee. Seal: Hoo hoo hoo hoo! You owe me a fish! Timbu: But I saw Komo cheat, right at the first turn! Seal: Rubb-IIIIISH!! Go, go, go! Timbu: Heeeeeeeelp, heeeeeeeeeeeelp! [seal laughs some more] Phelous: You know, most of Dingo’s gags are pretty bad, but I do really hate that bear, so I’ll give this a moment a Q+. Doc: Komo, where are you? Phelous: KOOOO-MEO, WHERE AAAAARE YOOOUUU?? Timbu: Ahhhhh-CHOO!! Ro-o-o-obby threw me in the water! And now I got myself a coOoOoOoOoOoOold! Ah-choo! Phelous: Dingo Pictures was really brave. They took the chance of not giving the majority of their movies a point. Robby: Only because he didn’t want to pay his gambling debts. Phelous (as Judge Robby): For not paying your gambling debts, I sentence this bear to hang. Bearded hobo from Dingo’s Hunchback: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! To the gallows with him! [neck snap] ♪ [WAH-wah-wah-wah! WAHH… Wahh!] ♪ Phelous: Over at Anastasia’s pad, Balto gives us the most riveting bit of dialogue in the movie. [awful attempts at barking obviously done by a human] Sounds just like a dog. How’d they do that? And I thought they looked bad from the SIDE view. Balto: But I promised to go and get fish for Nico. Doc: Balto, do what I tell you now, understand? [Balto growls] [Komo joins in on the growling] Doc: What’s wrong with you two? I want you to stop this fighting in future. Phelous: Then maybe the world can be a better place… in future. Doc: Come in, Matt. Matt: What’s up, Doc? ♪ [Looney Tunes ending theme] ♪ Matt: What’s up, Doc? [audience booing] [blam!]
[audience booing] [audience booing] Phelous: What is with the screaming moose picture? Is that like its last moments before Dr. Eatmore started chowing down on it alive? Doc: It’s diphtheria. Matt: Diphtheria?! That’s deadly dangerous! Phelous: And here I thought Dingo might not handle the diphtheria plot very well, but I was wrong! It’s “DEADLY DANGEROUS”! Doc: You’re right! Jill Valentine: You’re right! Matt: You can treat the children! Phelous (as Doctor Eatmore): I COULD, but what’s for dinner? Wabuu: YOU ARE!!! ♪ [WAH-wah-wah-wah! WAHH… Wahh!] ♪ Green lady: Doc, you must come at once! Phelous (as green lady): Before your piece of a wall completely falls down! Matt: Oh my, it doesn’t look good, Bælto. [rhymes with “gal-toe”] Phelous: Oh, he’s BÆLTO, now? Matt (voice breaking): It’s FOUR hundred kilometers to Anchorage. Phelous (as Matt, complete with cracking voice): And me and my CRACKY voice will NEVER make it there! (normal): Gotta love that Dingo constantly gives female voices to guys that it doesn’t fit at all. Especially character models that they’ve already used, like this old idiot who had a male voice in their Pocahontas. Old idiot with an actually fitting male voice: That proves everything. Matt: It’s 400 kilometers to Anchorage. And even if I had ten of you dogs pulling the sleigh, we’d never make it into the city. Phelous: Guess that’s why in reality, it was a relay between different dog sled teams and not just one, despite what fictional Baltos might tell you. Matt: And when the medicine’s used up, then, what then? Doc: Then the first child will be dead. Phelous: Alright, dead children is real interesting and all, but what about that polar bear and his cold? That’s where we should obviously be focusing! [more terrible half-assed “barks”] Balto’s dumb barking just kinda sounds like early video game grunts, doesn’t it? HUAH! HUAH! HUAH HUAH! Judy: Nice of you to visit us, Balto. Nico is as bored as can be. Balto: Listen… Judy… Nico has a terrible disease. Phelous (as Balto): So that should keep away his boredom. Heh heh heh heeeh….. Judy: Doc was just here and gave Nico his medicine, and he’s feeling much better. Balto: No, Judy. Phelous (as Balto): Nico knows too much. He must diiieee. (normal): Though the idea of someone knowing something in a Dingo movie is a bit far-fetched. [wind blowing] Doc: Please be calm, folks. I still have enough medicinnne. Phelous (as Doc): I mean for their teeth, of course. I’m just a dentist. They’ll be dead soon, but their teeth will be fine. Ugly guy: Yeah, but for how long? Matt must take the sleigh… dogs and go to Anchorage. Phelous: Oh, no one is listening to you, ugly! Doc: Matt says that there’s no way of getting to Anchorage with the sleigh. Matt: But the dooogs could make it alone. They know the way. Phelous: Finally! Something that is historically accurate. Good thing that the dogs in this movie can speak whatever broken language the humans do, otherwise, the plan of “send the dogs alone” might sound slightly silly. I guess Dingo is trying to one-up that other animated Balto, as they only drove the sleigh with the human knocked out. Here, the dogs can go it alone, because Ski Bum Matt is a lazy sack of crap. Clip from Icebreaker: Ski Bum Matt? Green lady: Matt’s right. We have to try. The dogs have got to go to Anchorage. Phelous: When the dogs can speak to you, it’s kind of rude to talk about them like they aren’t there. Or volunteering them to go on a dangerous trip without even asking them. Matt: We’ll have a race, and the two winners have to set off at once. Phelous: The children need medicine quick! Let’s waste time and the dogs’ energy on a RACE! This is clearly the superior Balto film, now! They’ve got TWO pointless races! Though I don’t know what the dogs incentive to win here is. Win, and you can risk your life to save the miserable human-spawn who volun-tell you to go on dangerous missions! (as Barry from Resident Evil): But perhaps the most IMPORTANT part of this race (normal): is the stupid bear and seal watching and making bets. Robby: I bet that Balto wins. Phelous: Glad they didn’t make this seem repetitive or anything! Matt: And three! ♪ [“suspenseful” Dingo music] ♪ Geek from an old Legend of Zelda ad: Awesome! Other geek: Intense. ♪ [“suspenseful” Dingo music overlapping itself] ♪ Matt: Bravo, Bælto. Krang: BAAAAAEEEEELLLL-tooooooooooo. Phelous: This loss makes Komo VERY silently angry. [no sound] Robby: Heeheeheehee! You just don’t seem to have any luck! Off we go swimming, Timbu! Timbu: Heeeeeeeelp, heeeeeeeeeeeelp! Robby: Hee heeheeheehee! Phelous (slurring): That was WAY better the second time! Nico (sounding even older than usual): Judy, you can’t go away. Phelous: Oh, shut up, you thirty-year-old living in a child’s body! Nico: Please, Judy! Balto and Komo can go. Alright, Nico. If you really want me, I stay. Phelous: “If you really want me, I stay.” Touching. Nico: I love you, Judy! Phelous (as Judy): Eeewww! [gunshot blasts] (still as Judy): Bælto, you don’t have to go on the medicine run anymore. (as Evil Bælto): Good, because I was never going to. I was just gonna go look for DIAMONDS!!! [evil laughter] Matt: Komo will go with Balto. We’re depending on you. The lives of the children depend on you. Yes, they do. Phelous: Could you say something about depending on them, again? I’m not sure I got it. That I didn’t. Matt: You have three days to get there and back. You’ll only make it if you don’t rest. Phelous: Three days of running with no rest. That seems likely. Good thing you wasted no time putting this nonsense plan into action! I’d almost say that Matt WANTED the children to die. Matt: You have to run all the way. Audio from Icebreaker: This is just great, Ski Bum Matt. Balto: We’re sure to make it. Phelous: No, Balto. Given that scenario, it’s the opposite of that. Matt: You’re our only hope. Phelous (as Doc): No, there is another. Just kidding! [laughter] Those children are dead! [more inappropriate laughter] Timbu: Will they make it? Robby: Do you want to bet? Phelous: [chuckling madly] [muffled screaming] ♪ [Dingo’s jungle-y music] ♪ [–which abruptly stops] Sega Rally music: ♪ Game Over– ♪ Clearin (the “Big Green” version of Krillin): YEAH!!! Phelous: While Balto and Komo jump the Springfield Gorge, something REALLY important happens: a moose watches them. [Balto’s “voice actor” doing an extremely horrid rendition of a moose call] Then shortly after, the One-Eye wolf tries to hunt it AND DIIIIIIES! Nico: Judy, Judy, must I die? Judy: No, Nico. Phelous: But thou must. Die, DIE, DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! [clears throat] Yes, thou must. Nico: Must I die? Earlier clip of Balto: Nico must die. Phelous: I’m pretty sure he’s already dead, though, as his neck’s been snapped, and his body seems to have been eaten by the background. Nico: What Bælto says says he’ll bring my medicine, then I believe it truly that he’ll come. [yet another pause] Yea-uh? Sega Rally music: ♪ Game Over– ♪ Nico: Yea-uh? Matt: How are the children? Doc: I’ve just come from Nico. He’s not recognizable. Phelous: Why? Because you ate his body? Komo: Do we really have to run all night? Balto: Matt said we’re not allowed to sleep. Otherwise, Nico will die. Phelous (as Komo): Alright, let’s take a nap, then. [long gap of silence] [wolf howling] Phelous: Oh, the wolves remembered to unmute their howls after the first one. Then we get an AMAZING action scene with a new Dingo track! They really broke the budget on this one! ♪ [brand new Dingo chase music] ♪ [Super Mario Bros. jumping sounds] ♪ [chase music continues] ♪ Phelous: WHOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!! This Dingo movie should’ve been in THEATERS!!! This is also one of Komo’s best moments, as he phases out of existence for a second. Komo: I– I can’t go on. Balto: Maybe we should have a rest after all. [flatline] Komo: Over– over there. Phelous: Perfe– Perfect take. And thus the dogs same-animation over to the cave, which turns into just being beside a cliffside, where they turn into background turds. And Anchorage was just on the other side of where they slept! Agh! If only they had not rested like Ski Bum Matt said, they could have (as Skeletor): saved the children! (normal): Oh, just kidding. They’ll still make it. Matt is just an ass and didn’t want them to rest. [dog barking] What is wrong with this stupid dog? Why wouldn’t he just talk to them? I find it hard to believe that there are animals dumber than the bear and seal in the Dingo-Balto-verse! Komo: Bæltwo… what i– Ba– What is it? Phelous: Looks like Komo’s been dipping into Wabuu’s booze. If he had waited, he could’ve just gone to the bar and not enraged that murderous raccoon. Maybe they can make enough collecting the $1,000 bounty on Beardy McButtHat to escape him. Komo: No one’s here yet. What’ll we do? Balto: We’ll wait. Dr. Frollo: This is impossible! These are the sleigh dogs of Matt Spencer! Phelous: Who DOESN’T know the sleigh dogs of MATT SPENCER??? (as Dr. Frollo): Perhaps I’ll adopt these dogs and take them with me! Nurse: Look here. Dr. Frollo (reading): “Emergency. We have a diphtheria epidemic in Nome.” Phelous: Why did they need a note when the dogs can talk? Anyway, they get the medicine and take off before Dr. Frollo gets eaten by his giant nurse. Komo: Balto, we can’t go on like this. Phelous: Because this snow effect is awful! I mean, there’s garbage areas sometimes at the edge of the screen, but THIS is ridiculous! Balto: [sigh] We have to take a break. Phelous: Cool, another break. Can Nico be dead now? Matt: If this damn storm would just let up! Phelous: Ehhh, that’s not quite as good as… Marie from Nice Cats: I can’t find my damn hairbrush! Matt: If there was only something I could do! Phelous (as Matt): I’ve tried nothing, and I’m all out of ideas! Reused audio from Icebreaker: This is just great, Ski Bum Matt. Doc: Matt, I need the medicine by tonight at the latest, or it’ll be too late for those kids. Phelous (as Doc): I don’t want to eat children full of diphtheria! Green lady: Nico is very, very bad. I think he’s dying. Phelous: FINALLY!!!!! [moose noise that actually sounds more like a moose this time] Ahhh, the moose saga continues! I was SO worried we wouldn’t follow up on the pointless moose by the gorge! Komo: We won’t make it in time anyway. The children are probably dead anyway. Phelous: Well, at least Komo’s looking on the bright side. Anyway, Komo is really tired, but they’ve made it to the gorge, so only good things can come of this! Scar from The Lion King: Long live the king. Komo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Phelous: Guess that’s why Balto got all the credit for the serum run in this universe: he killed off his competition. [yell ends] Balto: Oh! KOMO! Black Panther: He’s too stupid. Phelous: This was all because of THAT moose! And I’m also sure that they did this because over in that other Balto-verse, the evil black husky, Steele, was also sent off a cliff. But THERE, he got back up and was okay, and Dingo ain’t soft like that! Wabuu: Komo is DEEEEEEEAD!!! Timbu: I have just sworn that… if the children get well again, I’ll catch each one of them as much fish as they want! Phelous (bored): Oh. I can’t wait for this to lead to the seal pushing the bear into the water again. Robby: Eeeh, you won’t have to. Timbu: Why not? Robby: Because, soon, there won’t be any children left here! Phelous (as Robby): I bet they’ll all die! HOO HOO! I’m such an ass! Timbu: Here, Judy. I caught it myself. It’s for Nico. Judy: Oh, Timbu, it’s really sweet of you, but that won’t help me go anymore. Timbu: Is heeeeeeeeeeee dead? Jody: No. Phelous (as Judy): But he might as well be. He has no future. Balto: I must rest. Random rabbit: If you rest now, you’ll fall asleep and die! Get UP!! And… JUMP! Phelous: Thank you, suddenly-part-of-the-plot knockoff-Thumper! Who are you??? Anyway, thanks to Bastard Bunny’s ever so helpful encouragement, Balto leaps the gorge. Balto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ♪ [cheap MIDI credits music] ♪ Doc: It’s too late, Matt. Balto and Komo won’t get back in time. Phelous (as Doc): Let’s face it, dinner is ruined. I’ll just have to steal their teeth and run. I’m the dumbest dentist ever! Matt: These two won’t give up. They are somewhere nearby. I feel it very strongly. Phelous: Ski Bum Matt has a very high midi-chlorian count. Which explains why he’s so wrong, since Komo is dead! Also, Matt is gonna die too, since a dentist can’t treat midi-chlorians. Matt: I’m going to take sleigh out and drive out and towards them as far as I can. Doc: It’s too late. Phelous (as Matt): But I’ll see you in HELL! Matt: Go! Go look for Balto! Phelous: Why’d they only send TWO dogs to do the run? Timbu: Ooh! Go away! Go away! Phelous: Luckily for BÆLTO, the three-armed Matt arrives just in time to save them from the bear! [gunshot] [gory squish] ♪ [high-pitched and sped-up WAH-wah-wah-wah! WAHH… Wahh!] ♪ Matt: Balto! Timbu: I saved you from the wolves! Phelous: NO YOU DID NOT. Timbu: Is he dead? Matt: I don’t know. ♪ [extremely unfitting doofy Dingo music] ♪ Phelous: Really amping up the tension here. Matt: Hey, Doc! Here’s the medication! [silent laughter] Phelous: HAHA! He’s getting the medicine late! Some of the kids are no doubt dead by now! Really hilarious, SEAL! Matt: Help! Carry blankets inside! Maybe we can still save him! Timbu: And what about me? Phelous (as Matt): Oh yeah! We can’t forget about you, selfish bear! [return of the three-armed gunshot] Red Bear (or Red Bay-uh, rather): Hey! He’s not Selfish Bay-uh! I’M Selfish Bay-uh! [yet another gunshot] That was quite uncalled for. Now, I’m Holey Bay-uh! Doc: Thank God. The children are all going to pull through. Phelous (as Doc): But my piece of wall isn’t. It’s all I have left of my house. Doc: Where is Komo? Is he alive? ♪ [“sad” MIDI music] ♪ Matt: Sorry, Doc. Komo was really a good dog. Phelous: Balto going back to sleep signified Komo was dead, did it? Welp! That’s a great way to end things! (dopey voice): Wait, we can’t be done quite yet! There’s still more hilarity to milk out of the seal/bear duo! Timbu (for the THIRD DAMN TIME!): Timbu: Heeeeeeeelp, heeeeeeeeeeeelp! [urge to kill… rising…..] Phelous: DAA– And that’s how we actually end this. We don’t see any of the children getting well, it’s just “Komo is dead, and the bear falls into the water and dies, too.” The end! Dingo really outdid themselves on this one! Anyway, I’m gonna talk to the most important character from Dingo Pictures’ Balto: the moose! Moose! Tell us about the behind-the-scenes making of this movie. [moose noise] [moose noise again] Why doesn’t the moose talk? I thought all animals talked. Wabuu: Because the moose is SOOOOOOO stupid! [Oh! He SAID it!] Phelous: [sigh] Really walked into THAT one. [offscreen yelling] WHAT THE–?! [crash!] ♪ [“Oh Phelous (Spectre version)”] ♪ ♪ I don’t like this movie ♪ ♪ Doesn’t seem too friendly ♪ ♪ These monsters seem so fake ♪ ♪ My nerves, they’re gonna bre-ee-eak ♪ ♪ Phelous, don’t let me down ♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪ You need to be aaa-round ♪ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♪ Grab that running 1-up ♪ ♪ And blast that scene a new one ♪♪ ♪ [song concludes] ♪ In conclusion: this Dingo movie wasn’t that good. THERE’S a shocker.