100 thoughts on “Dan Ariely: On Dating & Relationships | Talks at Google”

  1. He say women are paid less for the same jobs.. where is the evidence of that? I've heard of women getting paid less on average, but that is because they have more arty jobs i.e. it's not paying for the same jobs. And i've possibly heard of women getting paid less for the same jobs, but when they worked less time e.g. maternity leave, and when you account for time worked it's the same.

  2. Nassim nailed it, Extremistan – winner takes all! In love, the modern version, and generally in life! Why? Because there's one virus without a cure, rampant among men. Greed. Kyrie eleison!

  3. This is probably one of the lists he was talking about (the one with 36 questions) https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together

  4. Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else needs to find out about how to attract abundance and prosperity try Panlarko Instant Abundance Planner(just google it ) ? Ive heard some amazing things about it and my friend got great results with it.

  5. The Ashley Madison thing is BS, there are no women on the site, 90% of the female profiles there are fake. However I would agree with the part where he says when women start to make more money they start looking to trade up to a better more successful partner.

  6. There is more to it: why the online profiles are still meaningless? Lots of dating startups, lots of established websites and not improvements over all these years? The answer is .. profit! The less meaningful profiles are on the site, the more people search and keep on searching. And pay the companies for the subscription. If suddenly all dating appswebsites could match people well, then these apps will have much fewer users (and less profit).

  7. This is why you don't listen to men on topics like this. Listen 35 minutes in. He NEVER says that the way to fix the male/female ratio is to pay women equally and to hire women equally in high tech. High tech in Silicon Valley does NOT hire women who are equally qualified.

  8. So women care about height and income, while men care more about BMI. I can say that is close to the wealth and status vs youth and beauty preference that we know about.

  9. 28:14 This is a good example of how political correctness gets in the way of telling facts or discussing research. Dan had no problem "triggering" aka offending some people in the audience, Logan Ury apparently had.

  10. Many of Ariely's comments are of limited value – have a heavy cultural bias – as they exclude consensual non-monogamy (which was the norm for hundreds of thousands of years).

  11. I EARNESTLY BELIEVE that Dan is the absolute wrong person to ask because of his heavy face injury on the right side he will not even succeed if he dates 25.000 women with each date 4-5 hours. Also I find him too tricky and not being honest !

  12. Handicapped person Dan has very small chance except if he is extremely rich. And the women is only MONEYMINDED.

  13. I told my best friend I thought the girl he was with was not for him, which other friends agreed with. Didn't matter. He still married her. There's a point where the investment they've put in becomes the measurement, not what your friends think and he had crossed that threshold. It is what it is.

  14. The questions are not meaningless. It is incorrectly stated. I think yeah, it's not exciting, but yes, I need to remember your brother's name is X so I can address him when I see him and show you that I care who he is as a person. We choose to start out slowly because it's safe. All he's done is speed things up, and while nothing is wrong with that, it really asks … how fast do you want your relationship to start? How much time do you really have?

  15. This is the epitome of the first date. This was a trainwreck of an interview but wonderful. Areily wanted an introduction, as useless as he suggests it is. Without this, he's suspicious of the interviewer…Dan Ariely looks disheveled and tired like he just woke up. He also looks uncomfortable and sounds upset and angry from the beginning. The interviewer also seems anxious and clumsy and disconnected.. It's as if she is saying "speak you imbecile!", but without saying anything..trying to respond in an awkward way and unhuman way without being offensive. Areily is beautifully human and has some important things to say about behavior. And instructs her on being authentic…. Maybe a bit of male ego? Perhaps. He's uncomfortable with the vulnerability… His eyes don't know where to focus, on the floor.. off into the audience… he doesn't look at her, he's probably afraid… of her breast…The audience is stupid and laughs..

  16. He is great – But very annoying that the host is making sounds the entire interview… Hard to focus on the words he is saying with her constant 'mm, mm hmm'.

  17. What women want has less to do with the man, and more to do with scarcity. If there are ten women and one man in a room, the man's value will be high. If another man enters the room, the first man's value drops. When women are made to compete with one another, they become proactive. Then, as Dan says, you value something more when you work for it. That's why Bumble is replacing Tinder. They maintain female to male ratios, and require that women make the first move.

  18. Arranged marriages working out better makes sense when you think about it. Your parents are choosing for you and your parents, especially your mother knows you better than you know yourself. So when it comes to picking a spouse that is compatible it makes sense that your mom could choose a better match for you then you, yourself can. FYI this is just my own thinking. I am not nor do I know anybody who has had an arranged marriage.

  19. I have always done day-dates. That what I call them but they don’t necessarily have to be in the day. I don’t believe that dinner and a movie is a good first date at all. I things like going to a fair or carnival, an amusement park, or something a tourist would do. Maybe like zip-lining, or some activity that is more likely to make each other less nervous, share an activity, and have something to talk about. You can discuss your opinion on say the booth you just left, or ride you just went on, or the thing that was for sale. Then if it passes a meal time then what you are eating is not fancy or stiff and you don’t have to worry about the other person watching you eat to see if you are an animal or not. It’s carnival food. You’re expected to eat half human-like and half animal-like. It also gives you something in common to talk about on your next conversation after the date. It has always worked out great. Even if I knew the person wasn’t for me it still wasn’t a horrible time unless the person is just a complete ass. And in that case, you are lucky to see that side right away and you can always stop the date at anytime if they are a jerk. But I haven’t really ran into anybody horrible. Just people who aren’t the right fit or in some cases a great fit. I highly recommend it. But for God’s sake, don’t go to a museum! Unless it’s like a science museum or an aquarium. No staring at art unless you already know 100% that you two of you are both art fanatics. Even like a sporting event can do great if you both are into that sport. It’s a great way to get to know that person way better than a dinner that you both are nervous at and a movie where you don’t talk.

  20. I agree it might be good to have an "outside" woman (whether affair or non) for a man to talk about relationships with, but I'll add that I think it's just as helpful and important for a woman to have an "outside" man (affair or non) to talk about relationships with. Talking about how to deal with men amongst other women usually doesn't turn out to be particularly wise or successful.

  21. great talk.
    really informative.

    so we girls really should play hard to get to leverage the cognitive bias.

    the canoe test and the 20 questions for dating are brilliant.

    Dr. David Buss had great insights into looking at 4 or 5 characteristics we should look for and prioritize in choosing:
    1 intelligence
    2 compatibility
    3 physical attractiveness
    4 commonality
    5 values

  22. Does someone know if the research Dan is recalling here (on dating) were actually presented in any of his books or articles? I will glad to read the detailed findings…

  23. Something about this guy makes me cringe like his voice and tone just makes me seem like this guy does not get to much love from the ladies

  24. First off I'd like to say I enjoyed the lecture. I learned something about myself and maybe why I never married. I was never all in with anyone. So unfortunately the information is about 40 years too late for me, but I will pass it on. Around the 20 min. mark and the secretary scenario, wouldn't the person have that "one foot in, one foot out" feeling about the "temporarily trying you out" situation? The employer may not get their all from the temporary worker. Thank you, cindy

  25. ahahahah its so true Dan is so brilliant. if your reading this and your thinking about changing the video stay for the end. <3 <3 <3

  26. Does anybody found exact paper about arranged marriages? I found only Marriage Satisfaction and Wellness
    in India and the United States (by Jane E. Myers, Jayamala Madathil, and Lynne R. Tingle), but it's defenietly not "so huge" as DA putted here.

  27. Biggest takeaways:
    -What truly matters to people is the end of situations or experiences, because that's what people remember the most.
    -Forget generic, boring questions like "what's your job?" or "where did you go to school?" because they don't form any deep bond and don't show the person's true colors. Instead, use the 36 questions formula.
    -Your perception of an objective is correlated with how much effort and hard work you put into it: things that are easy are not worthwhile. And even more, it's not only the effort but SHOWING and EXPLAINING and CLARIFYING the effort to the outside and the other person.
    -Imagine that you have an apartment. And you have a deal with the landlord that the lease is day to day. And every morning you wonder if you want to extend the lease. How much would you invest in the apartment? Would you paint the walls, buy flowers, fix the doors? Of course not. You'd continously be with one foot out. So if you have that short term thinking, your investment in the relationship will be low.
    -The canoeing test for a relationship: when you canoe, unexpected or stressful events occur like hitting rocks, flipping over, getting wet from waves. The question is, how much do you blame the other person? The fundamental attribution error is the idea that when bad things happen to us it's not our fault and we blame external events, but if it happens to other people, it's their fault and we blame them. When things happen out of our control, we tend to blame the world, but if it happens to other people we tend to blame them. So it's a great situation to simulate.
    -Love marriage versus arranged marriage: arranged marriage tend to improve over time in contrast to love marriage that spiraled downhill over time.
    -An effective date where you can see the other person's character includes: solving puzzles, showing meaningful objects, facing moral dilemmas.

  28. – 11:40
    Partners in a successful relationship convey the amount of work they're putting into it
    – 19:03
    Consider "opportunity cost" when selecting a partner
    – 24:40
    Use a "canoe test" or other mildly stressful situation to gauge a compatibility
    – 34:39
    Market asymmetry magnifies differences in negotiating power or "date-ability"
    – 46:10
    Dating websites cheat users by using shortcuts that convey little about what people are actually like, while at the same time letting users show off only their most positive aspects
    – 54:40 First date idea: Bring a favorite book and describe it

  29. 32:05 So how is that a gap in income if men and women aren't doing the same job? Dan's example doesn't demonstrate similarity in work at all: one works in tech, while the other from home, in fact, in the home. So how is that an income gap for "same work, but different genders, so different pay." Very intelligent discussion, but this confounding was a little surprising.

  30. 47:00 Maybe I am odd but I would love a restaurant like that. I believe that it all comes down to knowing our true motive to eat or the true motive we have to meet a person…it needs to be properly defined.

  31. I just got helped with my relationship thanks to those guys: http://www.surgicalcoaching.net/. It changed my life 🙂

  32. I am a woman and I have developed a flowchart for my (biennal = once every 2 years) dates.
    This is randomisable.
    1) Are you good to each other? (Empathy)
    No -> Stop
    Yes -> Go to step 2

    2) Do you communicate well? (Communication)
    No -> Stop
    Yes -> Go to step 3

    3) Does you back eachother when there is a problem? (Reliability)
    No -> Stop
    Yes -> Enjoy the ride! 🙂

  33. go to gym, make big muscles and say your scars are from fights. If they dont believe it, say something like this: "once I tried to bench/deadlift/clean and jerk 700 kg and my bicep tendon snapped and ripped out the whole biceps all the way to my spine and torn my skin all around my body thats where my scar comes from”

  34. I like the way he’s thinking! He looks at daily situations and most common attitudes from an above point of view without getting involved by himself. This is the best way to live your life. Don’t get let you get involved into the normal perspective of your daily personal lies. You’re not only betray others but mostly you betray yourself! Learn to accept that you’re not as perfect as you pretend to be. BE YOURSELF! You’re a unique type of mankind… Never let anybody live your life!

  35. What's funny is that the thing that makes relationships last is the fact that the couple were friends – they're each other's best friend. Romance probably isn't at the top of people's minds at the 30 year mark. If after only a handful of years the romance disappears, that's rather strange and I don't think that's as a result of prioritising friendship and leaving out romance.

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